Dogs, mans best friend, I often wonder what they are thinking, and it is always, can we go somewhere, and do you have a snack, or pet me and shut up. My best friends, Rhaegar, Odie and Sophie.

I dont have to ask them, hey you want some of this grass fed jerky, or do you want to go for a car ride? or even if they want me to pet them, but as for the rollerblade deal, the only one that is always up for a trip to the school and back, Rhaegar holds that distinction. sophie will go if her mommy is not home, Sweet Mary. the little one wants to go, but a Pain in the ass to get the harness on. humans are a little more complicated, but just as easy to read, they have many tactics,  sometimes I wish that I was aware of these at a young age, say my 40’s or 50’s yes, it is true, I will be leaving my 50’s this year on Sept 17, save the date, If I am still alive, I plan on getting my weight down and keeping my muscles, gots to get this fucking belly fat under control, not only is it unhealthy, but it looks hideous, I tried to film myself the other day, and all I could see was the gobula, granted it has been much worse and maybe 15 lbs of it scattered about my abdomen, but it serves no purpose, well, I have been a little chillier:) fat is warm, like  a seal, I remember a seal I shot years ago, it had a nice thick layer of fat, that is all fine and dandy for a seal that swims in Alaskan waters, but to a human in the desert, no bueno. So, I must shed my dogs life, and be prepared to suffer, before Sept 17, me birthday. We went on a hike yesterday, it was a nice jaunt, maybe 10 miles, maybe less. Still have to keep an eye on the puppy, he listens but mostly follows Rhaegar, I took him and Rhagy out the other day, wanted to shoot my new 30-06 bar 1968 rifle, so I am good at under 50 yards. here I will share my shots.

as you can see, all kill shots for the heart, but still not good if shooting more than 50, but on the good side, I had not adjusted the elevation, and for the windage, well I could not see the sights very well, even though I was rested on a palo verde branch, but look at the one group within 3/4″  high and should be 1″ low at 25 yards, but I was guessing, maybe closer to 30, always think of football when thinking of yards, or triple feet. I was worried, as I had traded for my mini14, and I had read about these guns being copper fouled and not accurate, but after shooting it, I know this is operator error :/ I bought some bright green and white nail polish and painted, or put paint on the rear and forward sights, I can see better, but had to paint the whole rear site, the arrow was too hard to see. Now time take it to the range. there seems to be a shortage of 30–6 shells,  as they want 50 bucks a box at the mom and pop local gun store, but was able to pick up 3 boxes for 30 at the big box store. I was also worried about the kick, but it was just fine, nothing like my 300Win Mag. its a bazooka, I am saving up for a muzzle brake. then it would be a nice hunter, facing 60 cant take a punch like i used to :/

I am hoping to hunt some seals  and harvest the pelt and eat the meat, as traditional Native food. I want to make a seal vest, maybe get some help on that, although I can sew, but most of my experience has been with nets, and darning my own clothes, but that would be fun to learn, that reminds me, I had home economics in lynnwood, sewed some hideous shorts, had to beg the teacher to give me a passing grade, so I could get a diploma, this was to repeat myself(itself,sic)  in college, formal writing, still working on that, I need to watch some more grammar classes, anyhoo….

I have no idea if that will ever happen, but it is one of my many wants.

I often have epiphany’s on my hikes, mostly on the grueling kind, but I had a few yesterday, My life standing for something, I not sure, what do I stand for? what is my purpose, to sit at home and whine about an unfair world? something that I really can do nothing about, just be aware, and the fact, I have it pretty good.  I know my key is to be more grateful for my wonderful life, but somehow that does not cut muster with me. My body is telling me, your time on this earth is coming to an end.  I am getting clues, like my pee, dribbling out, 3,4 times a night, my eyesight fading into the sun set, and a few more clues, but I feel strong as ever, I refuse pills and doctors, so maybe I have terminal cancer, that is what they will say hahaha fuck them.

I do feel that I am jinxed, another job going south fast, first the planning, I know at this point it must be me, who else?  I just must be unreasonable, hard to work with, dumb? so I had this customer, he was a painter and wanted me to build him a patio cover, easy job, had to get a  permit, pain in the ass, and much worse now. anyway, I told them and have it written in the contract, that as I finish the work, they make payments. I refuse to take these jobs with strangers, where my money is being used to complete their job, unless I  am tied to the loan, or a Contract with an Owner. So, I finish the concrete and knock on the door for payment, she is home, but does not come out, so I am on the hook for the concrete and the finishers. she comes out after 1/2 hour, what a nightmare. I have the same type on this garage. so I think I will find something else, I was applying to a Native corporation for  a boat job, that would be cool. but it does not pay enough, unless your captain and still less than I charge as a contractor. You know it is funny I have a shop rate of 50 per hour, which is the standard for a journeyman Carpenter, after insurance and all the payroll bullshit, but most people dont want to pay that, well I bid out at 100 per hour or more. I do underbid sometimes, but not as often as I used to. I know people want a price. well lots of risk in giving a  hard number, too many times, have i made less than 10 per hour, well maybe 20, but that is peanuts, compared to the risks involved, but alas I digress..

Yes, where do I want to be in 5 years? I will tell you… HEATHY AND ALIVE, that is all.

I really need to get out of Arizona for awhile, I need to escape, but I cant seem to get paying job, one without bullshit, so I have had some bad luck with humans, I have come to like them, less and less. not really them personally, because, it is all the society, my mindset, that we have been forced into this life, we have, we are supposed to like it, even love it. do I? I do, so say we all.

my biggest complaint, and one that will never be rectified. that sounds like rectal? ewwww anyway.

I will never have a good, healthy relationship with the people that I care about most in this life, true, this was another one of my epiphany’s yesterday. My only hope, is to be able to get a place in Alaska, that I can keep my Sweet Mary, happy, happy wife happy life.  we had such a goodtime in Uganik, well I did, she said it was ok, except for the whole “native” aspect. but we both like warm winters, so we need 2 places, Arizona is good, but I think the coastal washington area, would be better. I really want to visit aberdeen where my fathers family had roots after the  civil war when Shackleford Ingram moved there and created generations of families.  we had talked about North dakota, but that is a no go, especially after my last experience. some bad actors in the wings. and no ocean, the only fish these bony whitefish, taste and looks like a bullhead.

so my relationships, who where when why, well they are just friends, facebook friends, even the children I raised, well except john, I love him, but the thought of spending time with me is repugnant to him, not in the smell way, but as a resentment kinds spawned by some unknown childhood bereavement. We have come a long way, at least he ponders my attempts to get closer, I know its my fault, the first gone he shot was a 25-06, which for a ten year old is a big loud ass kicking gun, why could I not had him shoot a 22, why,  I did lots of stupid things, I took him to the river once, and had him diving off some rocks and he almost fell on his head. ok, so on further review, he  has good reason to be hesitant with any father son outings.  it is more or less the same with the others, except I am a lucky father and get to still live with John, I remember that being a bad thing growing up, maybe still is, I completely wholeheartedly REJECT that notion. I have always said, my children will always have a home, if I have a home, as long as they are not strung out on drugs, or doing harm to themselves.  I am just glad none of those scenarios have been thrust upon our lives.  I want to go hunting, not in arizona, hell no, too many whackos here, they always looking for any reason to kill an Indian, even a half breed eskimo. not happening, actually I think that way about every State in the Union. they coddle to the Mexicans, Asians, Easterners, and neglect their indigenous populations. hahahah I couldn’t help myself, my growing resentment to the American Governments has come to the surface again. So I was in the Pinal County building safety and was thinking, they even do it here, the White leaders are using these minorities as their tools, making them the bad guy, as this white older “educated” comes out and plays good cop with me. while the minority workers make me sit there for an hour and a half for a ten min job, nobody in sight.  cry cry cry 😉

it feels good to whine, but really just like taking a bite of a juicy steak, well less than that, you can feel it digesting a while, and the thoughts, as fleeting as they are spoken.

nope looks like I am a lone cowboy in this life, I had some hope, me childhood bro, Marcell dupuis, was set to move out here, but that fell through, Mary said it would, and I agreed, I can feel the mans pain, so gifted, so talented, yet life circumstance has persecuted him, such a fun person to spend time with, and I trust him more than 99% of the rest of the population.

I was going to go get my brother a new phone, but maybe tomorrow.

yes, so my recent job fell through, or it is going to, I just cant help myself, lack of response, means lack respect, I know, I have been getting these leads from this CAT, anyway, all of them are nightmare customers.  most look-in for free answers, same as Obama jobs.  sure trump is an elite white human, but he at least said the right things, and I was cooking with projects, along comes the Rich man created Covid, and the only way they could get him out, unfortunately the fear mongering worked. The problem now, Trump is no longer cleaning the Swamp, he has become the swamp, taking in the Rich donor money, he becomes a hired hand, just like the dementia riddled biden, his poor wife, my poor wife too :0

I was thinking, when I die, I think I will make sure my family does not have to suffer a lingering death, that would be horrible, on tubes in the hospital, especially here in Arizona, that could end up being billions

well that is my mindset today.

Does anyone think a nose ring, looks attractive?  better keep my pie hole shut. ;(