I grew up angry, there is no denying it. I passed it onto my children, I remember pleading with my kids to listen and be good, pleading did not work, only elicited a look of indifference. the same tool, that they learned from me, can also be a tool against me now, or worse, my other tool is to disengage. I’ll take an angry kid, over no kid any day. wish we could all live together. miss them all. when I was younger anger was just as natural as a smile. these days, well-avoiding anger at all costs is the goal. it has not been an easy task. when I use anger, I know that I have lost. people who have angered me have Won, yes they did. I have matured light-years from the past, but still is a bone of contention for me. It can hamper focus, drive, and keep you muddled in a flux. I see it in my brothers and do not like what I see. the more I defocus on anger the more I am able to label my fear that causes the anger, sometimes I still use it, almost in a cavalier way. I mean that I’m not really angry, just acting as though I am, that is how powerful of a tool it is. I am aware it is rooted in my fears. but my spots are deeply rooted, as are the spots of a leopard. Awareness is the key. One example is when I was going through Chemo, and this one particular baseball player decided to threaten me. now he was not a particularly dangerous specimen as that goes, but since I was very weak. the threat angered me. I went to a dark place. he backed down, it is silly now, but I know it is and always will be part of me. my solution is to avoid such situations, but alas, we have to make a living and live in our world, for me I aspire to be anger free one day, that day will come…… when my heart stops beating. wow, that sounded stupid. let’s see if I can procrastinate one more story. aha