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So far richard@azbuild.com has created 253 blog entries.

September 2021

vaccillating cant pull the trigger… what have I done, nothing… that is the problem

2021-09-16T08:07:10-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I know this whole stoic thinking is fine and dandy for an Emperor, or a monk, or even a fat cat rich monkey, perhaps even a homeless beggar, but when you have to get out and make things happen, if you have the piper waiting for his check, well you have to keep cracking, keep the dough rolling in, granted, I have relatively low overhead at this point in my life, so it not like I need to rake in a grand a week, just a couple grand a month, measly amounts, but still a min for me to survive at without the wolves bugging me. at my present course and direction I will be stuck in the mundane bullshit of dealing with other humans, at the [...]

stumble bum, just stumbling along through this maze we call life, waiting to die…… when will it all end?

2021-09-11T12:22:11-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I am a lost soul, forgotten lost, but to be lost, I would have had to have been at a point in which to be lost from, nO? hahah that kinda like a french man, NO? ok so I am sick once again, I had another fainting spell, lucky this time I was at me computer, that what makes it more troubling, the last big spell, when I got up off the bed and then fell to the ground, was attributed to getting up too fast, this time, I had been working at my computer, and came from a standing position... go figure, anyway I just had to lay my head down on my desk. I have accepted my dying, as a part of living, yet, I [...]

A Funeral for a young man, A time to rejoice in life

2021-09-08T09:51:20-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Ok, I forgot one thing I wanted to journal about, is the life of a young man, 33 years old, the same age as Jesus I might add, I did not know this man, he was the son of a friend of Sweet Mary, well I like her too. I have become almost numb to death, the fear of death is strong, well not so much the fear, but of not having enough life to enjoy, that the suffering never ends and the rainbow is not at my end, therein lies my problem. God has his plans, I have no Idea, but this was a story of my pain. Josh has no more pain, he was loved so much, I went to the funeral, I do not [...]

moving on…. must be traveling on now

2021-09-08T08:55:53-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Well, I am still working on me self One hell of a battle my diet and my self awareness, the whole computer episode had me stressing to the nines, Cars, computers and all that crap. that is our lives, I wish in one hand :/ nice to have my norm restored, ok back to work, im grasping at straws. I want to live, yet seem destined to die. my theme has changed. I am going to die, yes this is true do I even think about it? is it a better life to always be aware of my death? I think is is good. I think therefore eye am? this in itself can be distressing, but death becomes us all. for me, it has be be ever [...]

The Sins of the Father, are you kidding me?

2021-09-08T08:41:54-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

So it is true, we will suffer the sins of our Fathers, at least my generation, I have and continue to This comes from our ability to label things, we are all labelers, is that a word, spell check thinks so the apple does not fall far from the tree? you have heard that one. I have heard the saying " your Father' many many times, this was passing the buck to the next generation. I think of my children, and who would say that to them about me? only poisonous people, run forrest run, they are your enemy, when they grasp at the next generation to attack you, these are dirty people 50% is my estimate of the dirties. The hate for my father ran deep, [...]

My God is a loving God

2021-09-08T08:33:33-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

my God is a loving God That is my God, now let me tell you something I am somewhat of a hypocrite, yes it is true I have my own God, in Jesus Name/Amen That is ok, right? now the good part, I cringe when I hear other people expout their God, yet I have no problem doing the same thing, my God is not a judgemental God When I mention God, I always think of a loving God, accepting God, forgiving God. When I hear others, I can only think of a Controlling Religious fervor. I Think of Art of War, where is imperative to get a religious conformity of the troops, heaven awaits, no fear in death mentality I hear the ones in one breath, [...]

Back at work, damn computer crashed

2021-09-08T07:49:38-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Well I spent all weekend, including the Holiday fixing my computer, had to format the hard drive and reinstall a new operation system, after trying to save the existing system, nightmare, lost some stuff, but hopefully not too much. On a good note, Sweet Mary bought me a new laptop for me birthday, I feel undeserving, but very grateful, I was almost ready to pull the trigger, but could not. this Junker seems to be running good again, I am backing up everything. I am still pretty good at working on these, but I did make some bad mistakes, which cost many more hours and reboots, one thing I remember, if it hangs up, reboot. anyway I am back, need to get caught up. I am finding [...]

Abort Abort what do eye care? what is my take? my slurred opinion

2021-09-08T07:32:18-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

There is a big debate going on, Abortion is the topic, as I am a Man, I can not abort, except maybe wear a condom or pull out ;/ of which I had never done either, so I could be part of the problem. First of all. there is always the extremes taking into account, Abortion is a tricky subject. I am sure there are many moms out there that wish it was available when they were getting knocked up, I know first hand of some;) ok my take I am for abortion in the case of RAPE and INSEST, that should be a given for anybody, in me opinion, Women want control over their bodies, I GET THAT, but they do have control of not letting [...]

Visit from Alaska, Sweet Mary meets RobnShavon

2021-09-01T08:16:04-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Well they finally met, I was a ball of nerves for the last few weeks, I think that I am as afraid of her as she seems to be of me. I was not even sure they would have time for a visit, but it happened, my Sweet Mary got to meet my 36 year old 1-1/2 year old daughter. Lucky for me Rob was there to save the day, I am not afraid of very many things in life, not death, well a little, as I was reminded on a recent flight, but after saying over and over, I have not control, once i board the plane, I have not control over this situation, lucky for me, Rob is of the same school I was spawned, [...]

rain rain go away

2021-09-01T07:57:50-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Well it is raining today, everybody says we need rain, perhaps we need water. the song "rain drops keep falling on my head, but that does not mean my eyes are turning read" or something like that, but when I think of that it is not rain on my mind, but life's ups and downs. I was contemplating something, which crossed my mind, if someone were to read this rabble, they may think that I am not happy with my life or the wat things are, but that could not be further from the truth, it is true, I am still a slave of my mind, it is true, my want and desires often have me looking at the dark sides of life, even mine, but the [...]

August 2021

My political affiliation is NONE of the above, America first

2021-08-30T08:10:54-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I still get a bad taste in my mouth, when I hear politicians talking out thier ass holes, blunt talk for a personal blog, but so true, the whole fucking thing is preposterous, simply ridiculous How about free health care for all, Well in the first place, Health care is a fucken joke, anybody that has had to deal with doctors and Insurance knows this to be true, well if you do some internet snooping, there are lots of studies, anyway, Free Health Care would be the biggest sham propagated on the American people ever. How about Free Prevententene Services, NOw that would be helpful to millions, blunt truth, The reason you are suffering from this condition is all the Crap your eating, all the shit your [...]

lets see… life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.. ramblings of a madman

2021-08-29T10:57:18-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Yes, that is the theme song that I have adopted, after a pretty full well lived life, I have used my body to the fullest and pushed my brain to at least 50% which is about right in me own estimations. This song goes over and over in my head, except when I am faced with a challenge, not a computer challenge but a real life challenge, something challenging, not people, they are exhausting, but building new things, and such, or hiking new places, swimming, getting out on adventures, not sitting around doing nothing but wasting away in Margaritaville, about the dame washout the booze. O the carefree days of boozing, not a care in the WORLD, well maybe a few, I remember my biggest fear was [...]

My Stoic life, trials, tribulations and Not so stoic humans ;/

2021-08-26T07:47:17-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Ok, life goes on, long after the thrill has gone, well for me, it gets better, not so much life, it is a road with potholes, valleys, and some nice downhill runs, My life is still the same, like they used to say on dragnet the names have been changed to protect the innocent :) The biggest difference these days is my reaction and expectations, I do not expect much from humans, I temper my reactions, or at least try and contemplate any reaction, before it is too late. We all must work or at least have some way of paying bills and having great adventures, that brings me to one of my latest debacles, The first clue that I was making a mistake, was when my [...]

Sadness in my heart

2021-08-16T08:28:26-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I have sadness in my heart, it lingers, yet lives quite freely in my veins, sadness for all the relationships, that will never flourish, for the words not spoken, for all the people I will never see again, for a hug, a laugh or just a cup of joe, I wish I wish upon star, that all who smoke cigarettes or do drugs or drink smoke or eat to excess, I pray that you may find the strength to take care of your body, that you can love yourself, which seems like an easy peasy, how can we not love ourselves? that my friend is easy, when your get conditioned in any way that corrects you like your not good enough, or compare to someone else, there [...]

ok this is kinda weird, well not really, but really

2021-08-16T08:07:29-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Ok, so started watching this course on Reality, it starts off with explaining what is real, and gets down to material things, bodies, rocks, stars and everything we can feel, then goes to the the atom and then particles to more particles, but the then it go interesting, Our thoughts, feelings, dreams, and life experiences, are all something you can not touch feel or have nothing real, we feel they are real, are they, I have heard that maybe this is all a long dream, seems silly, but when you think about it, our dreams seem very real, they seem just as real as your morning coffee, just look back on an hour or two ago, now how real were all those thoughts, even what you did, [...]

My roots, I am a man of many peoples, amazing journey to make a ME

2021-08-16T07:30:27-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

We all got here somehow, let me share a little about me, and what I have uncovered, I have always been told by MOM, that we are heinz 57, like the ketchup, a big mix, but until recently, I have only identified with Russian and Aleut, I knew I was descended from others, Mom always said, Eskimo, Athabascan,Norwegiean, Swedish, and Scotch Irish, witch is Irish, but I never felt any connection to those, with an Russian/Americanized last name, which was at last check Semenov, sounds and looks nothing like Simeonoff, which I held proudly for most of my life, well always, my Identity was tied to being a Russian, as I was baptized Russian Orthodox, and even knew a few russian words, well One, BAseeba, I have [...]

Time keeps on ticking, a ticking bomb or time lost?

2021-08-15T09:38:43-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I have been of late, on a roller coaster ride, all in my own mind. I have this knack for creating scenarios in my head, have had it for years, it is something, that even though, I am aware of this bug in my thinking, still persist in doing it, over and over. I am pretty sure it is fueled by my feelings of an inadequate human, yes I said it, I feel inadequate to face the world at times, like what for? why even bother, sometimes it seems like an unending flurry of roadblocks, distractions, or just feelings a hopeless endeavour that has no end, yet memories of so many good times, obstacles overcome, the other thing that keeps me going, is learning about myself and [...]

Another light burned out long before her time :( sweet Dana

2021-08-13T08:50:54-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Today is the Celebration of life for Dana Maxwell Mother to Zack, Brandon, Amber, Megan, and Jessica, Dana was a free spirit, she just wanted to have a good time, she made you feel like part of her crew. When we think about it, we really never know anyone that well, sometimes it is hard to even know ourselves, I just know the Dana of my brothers Girlfriend and father of my nephew Zachary, so young so fast, so many people are starting to pass to the other side. I feel sad, but once they pass to the other side, We can celebrate all the good times, as I had limited access to her, I can only see that voice, sweet Dana, well except the time we [...]

Stoic Contractor

2021-08-04T09:33:18-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Ok, so I have not always been a stoic Contractor, it is the truth, I had no idea, just get it done get paid, blind contracting; makes for many a problem; I was luck in that I still was trying to do good work; now i ask myself on every project what is the vitreous way to deal with people. it seems to work, I have been in fire a flame deals, which in the past, have not gone as well, people want a fair shake, I just want to feed the dogs, and pay my bills, survive this thing we call life in the 21st century, The biggest thing that I have noticed, if I want less or expect less, I am more able to deal [...]

August, already? wtf, where has time gone? wasting away my summer, work work and now mask bs, AGAIN

2021-08-04T09:04:41-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Well well where have eye bean? working that is where, and it is brutal, my old 58, almost 59 year old used body, getting a work out, but I feel so alive, when I am not licking my work wounds, the hardest part is always the people, and my truck, wtf my truck is killing me, anyone, I think I finally found out my problem after installing anew starter and still having not crank no start issues, there was a bad ground, real bad :( but I found it, well I found it but the computer was still acting up, because it got confused, I think, but after resetting it, it is spitting fire again, you know, the cable, can look fairly clean and still not be [...]

July 2021

good days bad days bring it on, dont you know your a shooting Star

2021-07-19T09:28:10-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

dont you know? I hope we all feel special, like a shooting star, Music, so good to feed the soul, that is from one of my favorite bands, perhaps would be #1 except mostly just really like the BAD Company Run with the Pack album, I even made a leather belt with BAd Company Imprinted on it at Diamond High school, my first experience with the Cold life of Alaska, I remember we used to "hooky bob" grab on the back of the bus and have it drag us down the road, me and gilbert were living with my dad on Arctic Blvd in a 2 bedroom apartment, it was the adventure of a lifetime, little did I know it at the time, I had a best [...]

The Real World Virus, in my minds eye

2021-07-16T13:31:37-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

the battle continues, the battle of the bulge, finally getting the drafting done, just have to dot some I's and cross some T's, but I had been thinking lately about us humans and the Earth we all share with many creatures, as I was running over and killing ants with my roller blades, I was thinking how it all began for me, watching Star Wars with Luke, Darth Vader and Obi Wan, The force, life force, that was a dominating part of the script, is alive in me, We are like one life force, if you add every creature on this Earth, and think of them as One, as a life force, The fact the we have all kinds of bugs crawling all over us at any [...]

eat this not that, I am on a slide… slip sliding away

2021-07-13T07:44:15-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Ok, been slacking in my new lifestyle diet, I am blaming this computer work and the stress of dealing with a Nonsense, bullshit city, this job is not as complicated as their expensive degrees cost, the more I think about it, especially after driving through the Mega Campus, they call ASU, the money spent on their Palace of stone, could be put to use building Online schools for all people. The Age of control through limited education is coming to an end. The sooner the better. Ok that is enough, I feel a little better, but have to get back to cracking, so far there have been quite a few bids, but not many hits, usually if they dont hire me, it does not get done, I [...]

Rain rain go away, come back some other day.. riding a low slow

2021-07-13T07:13:34-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Well time to VENT, and not the kind in the car that keep you cool, More like the kind that show my teeth, The more I think about this Tempe project, the more I want out, it has become a lot of bullshit nonsense, They tell me, well we do the Underground for " Big companies and Jobs" which to me, means they could give a rats ass about regular people, I think I should have just suggested this job be done without, the Tempe bureaucratic procedures, could have done the whole job as an interior remodel, I know not too stoic, "the way things are" I just hate being a pawn in all this bullshit, Phoenix and Mesa, have progressive inspected projects, Tempe, the College city [...]

Saturday o Saturday, stuck at home working work work work, pay the man

2021-07-10T11:27:57-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Well looks like there was some confusion on my part, at least that's the story, but good for me, they not requiring a bunch of nonsense drawings, bad news, they are holding me to a higher standard, like I am a drafter, well I do draft, but the difference? I build too. that is cool, more knowledge, I usually just try to slap these drawings together, without a billion code reference and all the expensive bullshit, but looks like I am going to have to add some of the same bs, that I do not like. blah blah blah I wonder if these videos even work, I got a new lens, it is wide, cheap as these usually cost a couple grand for good ones, [...]

Dark side of the Moon

2021-07-07T11:33:54-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

This whole stoic spok mentality is pretty enlightening, but also has lots of holes in the theory, so your not responding to the one thing everyone always says, listen to your gut, well, I know that is bullshit, I have more than a dozen times, felt like a winner, in my gut and bought a losing lottery ticket, I only buy them when I am feeling luck, or when it gets so large, you can use your imagination to all the fun stuff your going to do with the loot, that in itself is worth the ten bones. what about the dark side of this storyline, say for instance, your thoughts are right, your spouse is cheating and your thinking everything is hunky dory? I am sure [...]

Smokey the Bear says, “only you can prevent forest fires” it is all about US, well ME, um yes only you….

2021-07-06T08:22:40-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

OK, so I been watching Mindfulness courses again, This latest one was really good, I know it to be true, I had to look deep in into my eye. This is so Important: People react and act towards us, not because of US, but themselves, this can be so confusing. We really have to soak this up, Our thoughts, their thoughts, it is never about anything but is inside each and everyone of us. I have seen these things, that say, we most dislike in others, which is in us. It is so true, yet so hard to swallow, like me trying to swallow bread, gets stuck in the gaping hole in my throat the surgeon cut out, anyway this is a fact in my psyche, I [...]

Stoic Christian? or Pagan?

2021-07-04T09:51:19-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

As I have said before, I chose the Christian religion, or more accurately it chose me, I was born into the system of Christianity, I was baptised Russian Orthodox, and was an alter boy at an Episcopal Church, that is how I become a christian, I continued the path, mostly as a safety net, my biggest one when I asked God to give me the power to stop drinking, I have forever been grateful that he did, and now that I have been on the path to self enlightenment, my faith has grown stronger, this Stoic philosophy is excellent, but with God to ask for guidance and help, it is worthless to me. As a static hunk of muscle and bone, and perhaps some jelly brain, the [...]

Happy 4th of July, American Independence from the British

2021-07-04T09:34:54-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I have to say that I am grateful to be born in the Greatest on Earth, how do I know, well I dont, but my time on earth and my monetary limitations, I will just have to be content with, I live a free Country with free speech, freedom of Religion, and equal but often not fair protection under the laws of our Country, that being said, I am also a Native American, that has lost his cultural identity, It was beaten, brainwashed and bred out of my family. What did they do to compensate? well first lets look at some facts, We are one of, if not the Richest Nation on this planet, just look around everybody with all these gadgets, cars, fancy clothes, and nobody [...]

This Means WAR, :) ok not war, but getting screwed by the Man, Tempe Building safety, perhaps the Cowboys too

2021-07-03T12:07:21-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Ok, had to go incognito, the powers that be in Tempe, have rules that are asinine, a minor modification needs a full set of plans, not just on the work your doing, but the whole property, WTF, I know where this comes from, it is a way to get some money for all those expensive DEGREES, that the University cashes in on, I wonder how much an Architect degree is at ASU, the whole thing from bachelor to degree? 500 grand? unless your the child of a rich person, famous person, or an athlete? then you just pay a small fee and it is mailed to you. So, I figured out why they are letting all the illegals in, so they can have someone trim their trees, [...]

all over the place

2021-07-01T09:19:06-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

that post was all over the fucken place :) wtf, ok, I need to knuckle down get some shit done. I just am getting frustrated at spinning my wheels on the same old bullshit, the wheels go round and round O let me tell you a story, my dog, ran after a coyote, I had to chase him, I got worried, he would get lost, found him, another one of my bonehead moves. this computer work is making me fat, I like thinking but, sitting at this computer is harder than digging, really it is. you know I been feeling sick, when I go out in public, walking around amongst the people, but when I am working, digging, Hiking pushing myself, I FEEL FINE, I am getting [...]

journal block? what to write, let see what happens N8T 4 life

2021-07-01T08:31:04-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

So growing older and obsolete, is that my future? unless I decide to run for president, looks like Joe joe biden is doing fine and dandy, still not sure he is not suffering from some form of dementia, I guess that is better than the Donalds Egotism, that brings up an interest thing about me, One of my defects of character, In AA you ask for God to remove your defects of character, lying, cheating, anger, apathy, and any other defect, that is causing you grief, the problem is, We have no Idea about our defects, I know that on a first name basis, I am still learning my defects, EGO, that is one of mine, it was fostered or festered over time, now this is where [...]

June 2021

do this, do that, follow the leader skip ta ma loo me darling

2021-06-30T08:07:05-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I think it is impossible to not be influenced by outside sources, Unless your one of those Monks, you know the ones, they sit in their peace pipe smoking position and pray, then sure, no problemo, but for all of us schmucks that have a need for food and shelter? no way Jose, that is not going to happen, they key is who do you let influence you? your daddy? your mommy? you holy man priest? you squeeze, your best friend, Donald Trump? Joe Joe Biden? the Democratic party? the republican party? the Bible? the quran? your Native Corporation? as you see the list goes on and on, we are unidated with outside stimuli. I am not immune to this outside stimuli, in fact, I rather relish [...]

change is life, there is nothing else but change

2021-06-25T08:24:47-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

this is profound, this is real, more real than anything else we know, I know  in the past, I have at times welcomed change, and at other times hated change, but it is the one constant that we can be sure of, not death and taxes, sure death is a a part of change, but change encompases everything, everywhere all the time, the one thing we must be is malleable, we must embrace change, for to ignore or resist change is to cause stress, we grow old, we change, the leaders change, our relationships change, the weather changes, the simple act of accepting change in all things, can be a simple life enhancer. I resist most times, I need to modify my thinking to be more accepting [...]

The land of cousins has disappeared, gone like the Wind

2021-06-25T08:14:16-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I feel like i have lost most of our family, lost forever, how can that be, When we were young, we did not have much, but we did have family, lots of cousins, I like to blame the Native claims act, but it is more than that, it is deeper. this will be a remembrance of things lost to my younger generation, I feel need to vent, yet I will try to be like joe friday, the names have been changed to protect the innocent, after all we are all innocent, at least we have no choice in most things that happened or our station, we are the product of our experiences, often external, almost always not of our doing. let me first start with my fathers [...]

working my fingers to the bone

2021-06-25T05:26:36-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Well, still having a time getting out of the hole, lots of jobs to bid on, but a lot a potential land mines, currently working on a project, the owner left town, does not respond to email. cant make up his mind, wants to save an archaic system, easiest for me, but why build a nice home and use junk, I cant continue until he makes a decision, I think this is starting to look like a setup, my stoic thinking is how to proceed and be virtuous? he seems nice and honest, how to get going, will have to send another email, I can still make this a nice home, yet too easy to get caught up in petty thinking, so far I am breaking even [...]

My religious epiphany I know what the rapture is… I think, therefore I am

2021-06-25T05:13:44-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I have been doing lots of hard labor recently, mind numbing labor, that will drive you crazy, unless you have some good listening, well I did, I was listening to a college class on the 4 greatest religious humans that ever existed, or they think may have existed, these 4 were Muhammad, Jesus, confusion and Buddha, not sue if I spelled them wrong, but they not showing up red, so that is that,  this scholar or phd teacher was explaining all the things that were known, and some that were perhaps mythical, I know some will say, that I am a heathen, just for having an open mind, but I sitll follow the jesus man, and his really name was not even jesus, it was imut, or [...]

adversity breeds strength

2021-06-19T11:05:42-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

That is one thing  I have heard, personally I would rather get strength from less stressful ways, it should aslo say, that it may bring strength, but it also kills: it kills in the way of stress, stress kills, that is a given, what is stress?  we all know what it is, our minds race with thoughts, our stomach churns, we drink, eat our way out of it; only to have it return again, and again, what is our only recourse to a stressful life? there is many ways, you can drink it away, eat it away, sex it away, but it will always return: the only way to beat it is with mindset, your own mindset, this has to be an internal mental control, not will [...]

We are all going to DIE!!! eventually….

2021-06-14T18:28:54-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Working today in the Arizona heat, finishing up demo of the ducts and walls, took a big load to the dump, truck worked like a beast, the hottest it got was on the way home 206 it say 117 on the freeway, where it is really hot, that worked well sounds good, now I just gots to git her smogged, or him? do we call our rigs by girl or boy?  like a boat a girl I would guess, hey I wonder if that is sexist? maybe someday I will learn that too :)  do not see too many boats named in the male gender, but who knows I was getting baked, but it was mostly shade. but whilst I was doing my brain dead work, I [...]

I need a gag order on myself

2021-06-13T12:03:13-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I have come to the conclusion that I talk too much, yeah well I do love to banter on incessantly, it is true, maybe even just to hear my own voice, afterall I have a lot to say, or at least I think so, but with a newfound mindset, of I know nothing, why I need to give my opinion on everything that i have an opinion on, is beyond me, it is a sickness of mine, I think this stems from perhaps my insecurities of being a dummy.  WE, or I let my insecurities rue my actions. The saying that we hate the things in others, that we hate in ourselves is so true, but all this is based off of the monkey wrench of a [...]

stuck still at -180

2021-06-13T11:20:03-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

well its not so bad, under 180, when my highest was 235, but still aspiring to reach the goal of 160, perhaps I will get some deadly cancer and then I will win. oh well, the last fast, well it did not get any results, I was really not hungry, but lost no weight. I have hit a brick wall, still want some abs, to the fight goes on, but first must keep the wolves away:) my little speck of a human participle is still trying to find some meaning in this life, perhaps, it is only that I am a piece of the species, we call man. I know my purpose is to survive and thrive, to be a happy human, that I can do, but [...]

I was a doctor today, well a mechanic, but I treated my truck like a doctor

2021-06-06T18:20:59-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

yes, worked on my truck today, before leaving to Denver my serpentine belt broke, so I bought a new one, and lucky for me, the old one was under warranty, but like doctors and today's medicine, I treated the symptoms, and not the cause, turns out my power steering pump was seized, causing my belt to shear.  Well have to work tomorrow and order a new Power steering pump and idler pulley off of amazon, hopefully I will be back in business soon, had some delicious ribs and salad for dinner, that's all folks  

grateful for all you humans, even the ones who dislike me :)

2021-06-06T10:22:33-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I have come to this realization, in the last few years, embracing my life, and everyone that I have ever known, they are all a part of me, even the ones that I never got to know, the ones that wronged me, and the ones I have wronged, yes I am no angel, but this is a grateful tribute to all I have know, we are all on this spaceship we call Earth. I love all my memories, the good the bad and the ugly, they are the sum of who I am, So many experiences so many people, I love to stop and ponder the past, I know i have had some bad adventures, but they pass, just as easy as the good ones. [...]

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