richard@azbuild.com

I know this whole stoic thinking is fine and dandy for an Emperor, or a monk, or even a fat cat rich monkey, perhaps even a homeless beggar, but when you have to get out and make things happen, if you have the piper waiting for his check, well you have to keep cracking, keep the dough rolling in, granted, I have relatively low overhead at this point in my life, so it not like I need to rake in a grand a week, just a couple grand a month, measly amounts, but still a min for me to survive at without the wolves bugging me. at my present course and direction I will be stuck in the mundane bullshit of dealing with other humans, at the [...]

I am a lost soul, forgotten lost, but to be lost, I would have had to have been at a point in which to be lost from, nO? hahah that kinda like a french man, NO? ok so I am sick once again, I had another fainting spell, lucky this time I was at me computer, that what makes it more troubling, the last big spell, when I got up off the bed and then fell to the ground, was attributed to getting up too fast, this time, I had been working at my computer, and came from a standing position... go figure, anyway I just had to lay my head down on my desk. I have accepted my dying, as a part of living, yet, I [...]

Well, I am still working on me self One hell of a battle my diet and my self awareness, the whole computer episode had me stressing to the nines, Cars, computers and all that crap. that is our lives, I wish in one hand :/ nice to have my norm restored, ok back to work, im grasping at straws. I want to live, yet seem destined to die. my theme has changed. I am going to die, yes this is true do I even think about it? is it a better life to always be aware of my death? I think is is good. I think therefore eye am? this in itself can be distressing, but death becomes us all. for me, it has be be ever [...]

my God is a loving God That is my God, now let me tell you something I am somewhat of a hypocrite, yes it is true I have my own God, in Jesus Name/Amen That is ok, right? now the good part, I cringe when I hear other people expout their God, yet I have no problem doing the same thing, my God is not a judgemental God When I mention God, I always think of a loving God, accepting God, forgiving God. When I hear others, I can only think of a Controlling Religious fervor. I Think of Art of War, where is imperative to get a religious conformity of the troops, heaven awaits, no fear in death mentality I hear the ones in one breath, [...]

There is a big debate going on, Abortion is the topic, as I am a Man, I can not abort, except maybe wear a condom or pull out ;/ of which I had never done either, so I could be part of the problem. First of all. there is always the extremes taking into account, Abortion is a tricky subject. I am sure there are many moms out there that wish it was available when they were getting knocked up, I know first hand of some;) ok my take I am for abortion in the case of RAPE and INSEST, that should be a given for anybody, in me opinion, Women want control over their bodies, I GET THAT, but they do have control of not letting [...]

Well it is raining today, everybody says we need rain, perhaps we need water. the song "rain drops keep falling on my head, but that does not mean my eyes are turning read" or something like that, but when I think of that it is not rain on my mind, but life's ups and downs. I was contemplating something, which crossed my mind, if someone were to read this rabble, they may think that I am not happy with my life or the wat things are, but that could not be further from the truth, it is true, I am still a slave of my mind, it is true, my want and desires often have me looking at the dark sides of life, even mine, but the [...]

Yes, that is the theme song that I have adopted, after a pretty full well lived life, I have used my body to the fullest and pushed my brain to at least 50% which is about right in me own estimations. This song goes over and over in my head, except when I am faced with a challenge, not a computer challenge but a real life challenge, something challenging, not people, they are exhausting, but building new things, and such, or hiking new places, swimming, getting out on adventures, not sitting around doing nothing but wasting away in Margaritaville, about the dame washout the booze. O the carefree days of boozing, not a care in the WORLD, well maybe a few, I remember my biggest fear was [...]

I have sadness in my heart, it lingers, yet lives quite freely in my veins, sadness for all the relationships, that will never flourish, for the words not spoken, for all the people I will never see again, for a hug, a laugh or just a cup of joe, I wish I wish upon star, that all who smoke cigarettes or do drugs or drink smoke or eat to excess, I pray that you may find the strength to take care of your body, that you can love yourself, which seems like an easy peasy, how can we not love ourselves? that my friend is easy, when your get conditioned in any way that corrects you like your not good enough, or compare to someone else, there [...]

We all got here somehow, let me share a little about me, and what I have uncovered, I have always been told by MOM, that we are heinz 57, like the ketchup, a big mix, but until recently, I have only identified with Russian and Aleut, I knew I was descended from others, Mom always said, Eskimo, Athabascan,Norwegiean, Swedish, and Scotch Irish, witch is Irish, but I never felt any connection to those, with an Russian/Americanized last name, which was at last check Semenov, sounds and looks nothing like Simeonoff, which I held proudly for most of my life, well always, my Identity was tied to being a Russian, as I was baptized Russian Orthodox, and even knew a few russian words, well One, BAseeba, I have [...]

Today is the Celebration of life for Dana Maxwell Mother to Zack, Brandon, Amber, Megan, and Jessica, Dana was a free spirit, she just wanted to have a good time, she made you feel like part of her crew. When we think about it, we really never know anyone that well, sometimes it is hard to even know ourselves, I just know the Dana of my brothers Girlfriend and father of my nephew Zachary, so young so fast, so many people are starting to pass to the other side. I feel sad, but once they pass to the other side, We can celebrate all the good times, as I had limited access to her, I can only see that voice, sweet Dana, well except the time we [...]

Well well where have eye bean? working that is where, and it is brutal, my old 58, almost 59 year old used body, getting a work out, but I feel so alive, when I am not licking my work wounds, the hardest part is always the people, and my truck, wtf my truck is killing me, anyone, I think I finally found out my problem after installing anew starter and still having not crank no start issues, there was a bad ground, real bad :( but I found it, well I found it but the computer was still acting up, because it got confused, I think, but after resetting it, it is spitting fire again, you know, the cable, can look fairly clean and still not be [...]

the battle continues, the battle of the bulge, finally getting the drafting done, just have to dot some I's and cross some T's, but I had been thinking lately about us humans and the Earth we all share with many creatures, as I was running over and killing ants with my roller blades, I was thinking how it all began for me, watching Star Wars with Luke, Darth Vader and Obi Wan, The force, life force, that was a dominating part of the script, is alive in me, We are like one life force, if you add every creature on this Earth, and think of them as One, as a life force, The fact the we have all kinds of bugs crawling all over us at any [...]

Ok, been slacking in my new lifestyle diet, I am blaming this computer work and the stress of dealing with a Nonsense, bullshit city, this job is not as complicated as their expensive degrees cost, the more I think about it, especially after driving through the Mega Campus, they call ASU, the money spent on their Palace of stone, could be put to use building Online schools for all people. The Age of control through limited education is coming to an end. The sooner the better. Ok that is enough, I feel a little better, but have to get back to cracking, so far there have been quite a few bids, but not many hits, usually if they dont hire me, it does not get done, I [...]

Well looks like there was some confusion on my part, at least that's the story, but good for me, they not requiring a bunch of nonsense drawings, bad news, they are holding me to a higher standard, like I am a drafter, well I do draft, but the difference? I build too. that is cool, more knowledge, I usually just try to slap these drawings together, without a billion code reference and all the expensive bullshit, but looks like I am going to have to add some of the same bs, that I do not like. blah blah blah I wonder if these videos even work, I got a new lens, it is wide, cheap as these usually cost a couple grand for good ones, [...]

OK, so I been watching Mindfulness courses again, This latest one was really good, I know it to be true, I had to look deep in into my eye. This is so Important: People react and act towards us, not because of US, but themselves, this can be so confusing. We really have to soak this up, Our thoughts, their thoughts, it is never about anything but is inside each and everyone of us. I have seen these things, that say, we most dislike in others, which is in us. It is so true, yet so hard to swallow, like me trying to swallow bread, gets stuck in the gaping hole in my throat the surgeon cut out, anyway this is a fact in my psyche, I [...]

I have to say that I am grateful to be born in the Greatest on Earth, how do I know, well I dont, but my time on earth and my monetary limitations, I will just have to be content with, I live a free Country with free speech, freedom of Religion, and equal but often not fair protection under the laws of our Country, that being said, I am also a Native American, that has lost his cultural identity, It was beaten, brainwashed and bred out of my family. What did they do to compensate? well first lets look at some facts, We are one of, if not the Richest Nation on this planet, just look around everybody with all these gadgets, cars, fancy clothes, and nobody [...]

that post was all over the fucken place :) wtf, ok, I need to knuckle down get some shit done. I just am getting frustrated at spinning my wheels on the same old bullshit, the wheels go round and round O let me tell you a story, my dog, ran after a coyote, I had to chase him, I got worried, he would get lost, found him, another one of my bonehead moves. this computer work is making me fat, I like thinking but, sitting at this computer is harder than digging, really it is. you know I been feeling sick, when I go out in public, walking around amongst the people, but when I am working, digging, Hiking pushing myself, I FEEL FINE, I am getting [...]

I think it is impossible to not be influenced by outside sources, Unless your one of those Monks, you know the ones, they sit in their peace pipe smoking position and pray, then sure, no problemo, but for all of us schmucks that have a need for food and shelter? no way Jose, that is not going to happen, they key is who do you let influence you? your daddy? your mommy? you holy man priest? you squeeze, your best friend, Donald Trump? Joe Joe Biden? the Democratic party? the republican party? the Bible? the quran? your Native Corporation? as you see the list goes on and on, we are unidated with outside stimuli. I am not immune to this outside stimuli, in fact, I rather relish [...]

I feel like i have lost most of our family, lost forever, how can that be, When we were young, we did not have much, but we did have family, lots of cousins, I like to blame the Native claims act, but it is more than that, it is deeper. this will be a remembrance of things lost to my younger generation, I feel need to vent, yet I will try to be like joe friday, the names have been changed to protect the innocent, after all we are all innocent, at least we have no choice in most things that happened or our station, we are the product of our experiences, often external, almost always not of our doing. let me first start with my fathers [...]

I have been doing lots of hard labor recently, mind numbing labor, that will drive you crazy, unless you have some good listening, well I did, I was listening to a college class on the 4 greatest religious humans that ever existed, or they think may have existed, these 4 were Muhammad, Jesus, confusion and Buddha, not sue if I spelled them wrong, but they not showing up red, so that is that,  this scholar or phd teacher was explaining all the things that were known, and some that were perhaps mythical, I know some will say, that I am a heathen, just for having an open mind, but I sitll follow the jesus man, and his really name was not even jesus, it was imut, or [...]

Working today in the Arizona heat, finishing up demo of the ducts and walls, took a big load to the dump, truck worked like a beast, the hottest it got was on the way home 206 it say 117 on the freeway, where it is really hot, that worked well sounds good, now I just gots to git her smogged, or him? do we call our rigs by girl or boy?  like a boat a girl I would guess, hey I wonder if that is sexist? maybe someday I will learn that too :)  do not see too many boats named in the male gender, but who knows I was getting baked, but it was mostly shade. but whilst I was doing my brain dead work, I [...]

well its not so bad, under 180, when my highest was 235, but still aspiring to reach the goal of 160, perhaps I will get some deadly cancer and then I will win. oh well, the last fast, well it did not get any results, I was really not hungry, but lost no weight. I have hit a brick wall, still want some abs, to the fight goes on, but first must keep the wolves away:) my little speck of a human participle is still trying to find some meaning in this life, perhaps, it is only that I am a piece of the species, we call man. I know my purpose is to survive and thrive, to be a happy human, that I can do, but [...]

I have come to this realization, in the last few years, embracing my life, and everyone that I have ever known, they are all a part of me, even the ones that I never got to know, the ones that wronged me, and the ones I have wronged, yes I am no angel, but this is a grateful tribute to all I have know, we are all on this spaceship we call Earth. I love all my memories, the good the bad and the ugly, they are the sum of who I am, So many experiences so many people, I love to stop and ponder the past, I know i have had some bad adventures, but they pass, just as easy as the good ones. [...]