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April 2022

prisoner of my own passions

2022-04-20T09:27:05-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I dare not, I do not, yet I do My mind is a fickle monster. I have to come to the big Picture, soak it in, become one with the picture. that is Nobody wants to be told how to think, how to feel, how to eat, they need to find that on themselves, I am powerless to help the world, it gives me anguish to no end. I have recently been under siege, my condition, crazy legs, increased calorie consumption, feeling stress, lack of sleep. So it was time for a reset, that includes a saltwater flush, clean out that Colon, i have done this for years, sometimes year apart, but it always cleans out the tubes. I remember the first time, I was over 200 [...]

We all live in a yellow submarine

2022-04-18T10:05:20-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Well I found a good book, it is called "the Power of now" written by Eckhart Tolle, it is a guide to a life of mindfulness. I have a pile of books to read, but this one has gone to the top of the list, he writes clearly about a difficult subject, our own minds. To be able to control oneself in this topsy turvy world can be difficult if not impossible.  We are bombarded with media, news and just useless information. to find the truth, you must seek the truth, even then, it can be a quagmire to navigate to an honest answer, who do we trust?  I say nobody, the news, for sure not, the American politicians? absolutely NOT, the Russian Oligarchs? no way, they [...]

EGO trip baby, I am on an EGO trip jK

2022-04-13T13:41:52-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

short so the Ego is not a good thing, I know this, yet it is part of who I am. We are our Ego, like the peacock, who ruffles his feathers, I know to keep it in check, but without some personal bravado, not at the expense of others, but some personal triumph, I dont think I could have, or would have done most of my life, I would be living  somewhere or nowhere, but not the same, even the one-eyed man has to have some ego, or sense of self worth. mine cam from fighting, sleeping around and using my brain. I know that my Ego is me, but not me. confused, I am at times, try living in me brain I used to call my [...]

h8tful christians? are they the lost tribe of Jesus?

2022-04-13T12:37:24-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I was reading some facebook post, mostly I try not to get into judging other peoples thinking, except on here, my safe place :/ yeah right! So any hoo, there is an awful lot of post how, christians, at least, they proclaim to be in the know. They are saying without christ you are no good, or words to that effect. Now i AM no christian scholar for sure, but that was the reason Christ was crucified, for believing different than the Romans. This rings of some crazy Christian like David Koresh, Jim Jones, charley Manson and Keith Raniere just to name a few, to me jesus was about forgiveness and  love this smacks of low self esteem, to me. how can anyone be so inclined to [...]

but im tired.. I seen his face, I knew it was NO, now you kinda funny too

2022-04-13T07:52:27-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Well I am tired for sure, just paid 4 grand to home depot, that is hard, but at least I can pay it, and have most of the lumber I need, I am probably making Alaska Apprentice wages at this point, like brother gilbert likes to say, working for peanuts. well its all me own faults, I know this, I was pretty cocky, I could build a garage for that price, well, I can, but not much left over after paying the price butchers, just osb alone went from 13 bones to above 50, and they have no shortage of supply, Home depot is stocked to the brim. never seen so may tools and lumber, same with the tool houses, its all a fucken greed grab, just [...]

lonely days are gone, I’m a going home

2022-04-03T15:14:34-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

This is from a song, but this post had me thinking, it was in a facebook stoic group, which like all groups are more about Ego than learning, anyway this practicing stoic says, he has been practicing his stoicism and believes it leads to loneliness, I was taken aback, as this was the same thinking I had embraced, at least his we die alone, are born alone and live alone in our own thinking, yes I believe so, but the lonely part was perplexing, I started to respond on several attempts, but ultimately declined. I am lonely in my thoughts at times, but unless we are all robots, which would be akin to an ant colony, at least my perceived view of ants, and ant colonies. We [...]

cant hit the broadside of a bar :)

2022-04-03T13:02:14-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I am afraid it is true, took my new to me browning bar 30-06 to the range yesterday, started out at 25 yards, missing down 3 and 3 to the right, well made some adjustments, and it was trouble for me, it was crowded and had not wrench, unbeknownst to me, I had put the scope  on wrong, my elevation was on the windage side, but I had no Idea what was going on, anyway, I was able to get on the target at 100 yards, but only by moving my aim around, that and the assholes next to me were either aiming their spent shells at me on purpose or just some more inconsiderate dumb humans, I had an urge to punch the fat one in [...]

Pawn stars, we all are pawn stars

2022-04-03T08:38:56-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Finding the truth in our society is near impossible for me... Ok, so this Ukraine War is Biden war, him and his son Hunter, that is the far right, the capitol stormers take on why Joe has such a personal interest. All this is bullshit, WE are just Pawns in a mud slinking war between Democrat/ communist and republican/ Nazis  their sole motivation for all of this is a smokescreen of what is really going on. What I am implying is that it is all bullshit. Covid: Bullshit Masks: bullshit  war in Ukraine: bullshit  Afghanistan: bullshit  Inflation: bullshit  shortages: bullshit. there is more to come, mark my word, the puppet masters are not done yet, they plan some new world order, a cold war? I have no [...]

March 2022

nice day of rest

2022-03-30T06:26:26-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

had a good nap yesterday, my knee has started to heal, or the inflammation is going away. I am reminded of my age when these things happen, I often think that we get warning signs of our ultimate demise, a friendly reminder to relish the life we have left on this wonderful planet. its going to be a nice sun shiny day, looking forward to working on my tan. love getting the Vitamin D, I feel so alive when I am in the sun working or playing. I am starting to wonder if I should ever leave this valley, well I do not want to spend summers here. I need to win the lottery and then I can build summer cabins in all my favorite places Washington [...]

Darkness of the light

2022-03-30T06:10:20-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

let the light in, close out the dark. I had an ephiany today, we are like birds, dogs, and all animals, we are animals, but we do not have to be. Maybe it is a better life to be  bird or dog. To be self aware, means we have to look at our lives, all lives, our species. where do I fit in? what is it all for? are we a good thing? We are of earth, we are earthlings. (Big smile)  I like being an earthling, an aware earthling, aware of my own minute status amongst our universe and beyond, just like Woody's friend Buzz lightyear, to Infinite and beyond. smelling the roses for me, just looking around at all the colors and saying I am [...]

going to Seattle

2022-03-29T07:58:12-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

yes, next month we are Seattle bound for a weekend.  Sweet Mary is talking about going to Seattle for my 60th birthday, I really want to go to Anchorage for my MOMS 80th birthday, this July, never heard anything about my new GC  on graduation, better to not think or interject myself, I think I tried enough, it is good enough, that  a heathen such as me is even acknowledged :/ Just kidding, not a heathen, just have my own brain and way of thinking about truth justice and the American way. sometimes I amused, even me ownself :) my mom is selling her Condo, but I did the Comps, and it looks like she is not going to sell at her hard point.  perhaps 250, but [...]

rainy day today in the desert

2022-03-29T07:48:01-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I got nothing, nada zip. procrastination? perhaps, but it is wet outside, let it dry out a little I remember working construction in California, even the hint of rain, we went home, in Anchorage, we would work all day, popping breakers and getting soaked, the worst was in the mud. blew my knee out pulling weeds, go figure, probably overuse, damn, well I have found the best way to heal is to work through the pain. not much sleep last night, but when it came, I was out like a light bulb. been having some weird dreams, dreamed of my Aunt Tina, I could only see here through a window, and wanted to go visit her, but did not feel wanted or welcome, that has been a [...]

Biding time for time for Biden

2022-03-26T11:22:17-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Warning political pie hole opinions from  my brain!! I just listened to President Joe Biden speech on the war in Ukraine.  I think he did a good job.  not vilifying the Russian people, but where the crosshairs should lie, on the Government, just like our Government, we the people have little to do with on the World stage. We get to vote, but that is where it stops.  we saw them  break up protesters in our own state, and thank GOD we have freedom of the Press, but we do not control that either, we are at the whims of the Mega Rich Publishers, as are all the reporters and underlings of such organizations, the Money Rules America, corruption will always be  a problem. I say this, [...]

Happy friday earthlings, an apology is in order? to myself? but why Master Richard?

2022-03-25T08:46:33-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I will tell you why, because when you speak poison it does not poison anyone but yourself, it may poison someone against you, just for showing you Human side, my human side is a cummilaion of my life. So... I was berating a contractor for being overweight, I think fat is the term I was using. They say that you hate what is in you, that is true with me, I hate that I battle everyday not to stuff my face with anything and everything, like Pops used to say: "I am on the Seafood diet, I see food and I eat it" Even eating a healthy diet, I am hardwired to overeat, it is brutal, especially doing hard labor, you body say fuel me NOW. so [...]

slick as a used car salesman

2022-03-23T07:01:42-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

BEWARE!! RANT Ok rocky start to my new project, no  problem, best to get the bullshit out of the way.  hired a gravel man, or at least that is the name of his business, he talks a great story, all lies, left me with a pile of dirt, and twice as much work to do. he was either stupid as a rock, or  as crooked as a winding stream. The Stoic in me says expect this from people, I dont like it, but it is true, if your expectations are to get what you paid for, well I did not pre pay him, I did pay him for the dirt I didn't need and for showing up twice, i did not want to, but maybe in his [...]

My dream o so dreadful

2022-03-22T08:48:46-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I woke up this morning and turned on the Roku news, it showed wind blowing through a town, my first thought, they had exploded a nuke, but in fact, it was a tornado, brought me back to my dream, when the sky exploded, or more accurately collapsed in one of my dreams. it was the end.  That was my thought as i woke up, grateful it was a  dream. I find it discerning that we are under the lies and incompetence of government and the press, I watched this tucker Carlson video about how Ukraine is not a democracy, it is true, he has silenced all political parties and turned off the press. I have always said, Power corrupts, and he might have been credible, except his [...]

love me do

2022-03-22T08:20:21-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

love love love, it is great to be loved, I am loved, our dogs all love me. I can not imagine life without these dogs, they are splendid,  i have spoiled them for sure.  Jt gets them pup cups almost everyday from Dutch brother coffee, I get a  reg cup with cream :) they make me  a better human,  they give you love looks all the time, so sure, it may be please give me a snack looks, but I am pretty sure at least 25 % are  love looks, looks of love, I read somewhere that they get as much good as we do in this pet human encounter.  I try to take each of them on a walk, well my version which is a rollerblade [...]

wow that got ugly quick hahahhahah

2022-03-22T07:55:00-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I love to write this bullshit, it is true, well my feeling as I write it, not like I am mad," it is what it is" were all fucked anyway. really we are, but lets have some grateful talk. We can post or say whatever we want in this county, just think if we lived in Ukraine, or Russian, they will have you poisoned, or banned, zelenski just banned all the opposition, Is Zelensky’s party crackdown his first mistake? | The Spectator there are even report of them castrating russian solders Ukrainian doctor tells TV interviewer he has ordered his staff to CASTRATE Russian soldiers | Daily Mail Online these are two countries that have been embattled forever.  I think of this as a modern day  England/Scotland  [...]

Seattle bound for a weekend

2022-03-22T07:43:52-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

looking forward to Seattle and some cool rain or fantastic sunshine, it has both. My Eldest Son has a debut Album, not sure of the specifics, but it should be fun, going to see my uncle and my brother for sure too. Been Working on a new Garage build, things have changed, running into lots of problems with my new Business name 2Tribes, Arizona is a cowboy state and Indians are hated, Every project has run into problems that RSJ never had. so be it, fuck em. one example, I got a quote that was for lumber under my old name RSJ, it was good for 2 weeks, upon the name change, they upped the price, they actually tried to cheat me, the fat lady sitting at [...]

life is short, be aware, live young skywalker, live, live live

2022-03-17T07:08:52-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I got a text yesterday from one of baseball pals, his wife, had passed unexpectedly, I felt honored that he would even share a life experience with me, yet I had nothing to say, I was speechless, what does on say, nothing will ease the pain. I could only muster, "I am sorry"    Mary ann was one of our best fans, these were the fun days, young families coming out to watch their dad play baseball, wives and children. It was festive. I loved the banter with our fans,  Mary ann was no exception, she was a tough cookie, fun and engaging. I remember one game, she was in the stands behind the dugout, and a foul ball went straight up and back, and bounced off [...]

love the change of season

2022-03-14T08:11:13-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

were headed into the hot season, spring is always my favorite time of year, the birds singing, the squirrels and rabbits having babies, the sun getting brighter and the days getting hotter. The one place that spring was not as great was Anchorage, after a winter of freezing cold and snow, the roads are melting and all the trash and debris is everywhere, breakup is ugly, mud everywhere, spring is not until May or even June by the time everything turns as green as can be. the endless days. in the Desert, we have some of the best months, before monsoon makes an appearance, then the hot muggy days are brutal, nothing like texas or Florida brutal, but for me, not a good time to be in [...]

free free free at last, or first?

2022-03-14T08:01:04-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

who's on first, no who's on second, hahah I did that in my college english class, we had to do a verbal something or another, anyway, me and my partner did the abbott and Costello skit, it was fun, and got some laughs, even for a couple rookies, that was my baseball weekend. we won our final game for 3rd place, I like baseball, but not as much anymore.  good to see some people, others, a social burden, maybe next year, maybe not, really dont like the way I feel afterward. some people just rub me the wrong way, and nothing gets my ire up more than poison amongst your own player, sometimes subtle, and other blatant, anyway, I will stay away from those monkey's in the [...]

War is upon us

2022-03-10T16:12:15-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

The cold war is back.  these Russians are the same, listen to them on TV, when they speak english they all sound the same, and russian, well that  the same too. Hey, maybe this would be a goodtime to change my name, Simeonoff is russian, and I am not much Russian, it is actually semenov, the proper english spelling, the ukraine and russians use cryic(sic) or some weird script. My mom said I dont have to be Russian anymore, yahoo, if mom says it, it must be true, although she has 1% and I have 3%, I had always wanted to change my name, after years of spelling it out, pronouncing it, just tired of it. my older brother got out early he has a different dad, [...]

fun day playing baseball, and we won

2022-03-10T15:53:40-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

its nice to win a game, I love to win, but losing not bad either, at least I am getting out in the fresh air. good to see people I have not seen for awhile, both teams were evenly matched, they had a good pitcher, we had a pretty good one too, eye got a nice hit to left field with an rbi, then hit 2 dribblers in the infield, and for an encore got hit by a pitch. played catcher for nine innings, feel pretty good, sometimes when you crouch that long, its hard to get up, I can hear my knees creaking, but not bad for almost 60, 50 was a nightmare, the year I got cancer, well soon after, must of had it then [...]

talking politics

2022-03-09T08:29:16-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

War or no War I know that this is a touchy subject, they dance around it all day on the news We are back in a Vietnam Korea scenario, except we are the funders, our deep pockets, not you and me, our tax funded Government, who it seems can spend billions at the flip of a button. I am very uncertain today about my future, I always hate filling my tank, it is one of my biggest expenses, Diesel is up to 5 bucks a gallon, I get 9 to 11 per gallon on the streets, 20 on the highway. Did we get to vote on if we were willing to suffer with fuel and more prices, building prices will go up exponentially. If I dont start [...]

Ingram family grows. so blessed to have my new cousins

2022-03-09T08:06:31-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I got some good messages from my Ingram cousins. I just wish my dad was alive to know his family. there are still more to find on both my mom and dads family lines. I am finding that there are so many surprises and twist and turns. NPE can be devastating, Non Parent, meaning that the parent you thought was, was not. I grew up with families, on both sides, I always knew that my grandfathers were not biological, but not much more. I did accept them as my grandparents, as I had no other, it would have been great to meet Fred Monson, he died young, and Joseph Ingram, only learned of him recently, The Ingrams were entrenched in Kodiak to Bristol bay, brother and Charles [...]

crazy days are gone, now crazier dayz are here…

2022-03-09T08:06:55-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I dont know, I know nothing, what I think I know is from watching the news, which does not give all the facts, that I know. Do we remember the Cold War, when the United States went to war in Vietnam and Korea, against the Russian & Chinese Communist, Our whole story was to stop the spread of Communism. We did not fight the Russians or Chinese, but they were the catalyst to both wars. How is this different than the Russians wanting to stop the spread of Capitalism, or Nato?  we only know what we think we know. We talk of the Oppressive China and Russia states, but what about our oppressions? We have Native Americans living with no water, forced into shithole cities to work [...]

mispoke, what is new?

2022-03-09T08:07:18-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

so, when I said my great grandmother was mostly Russian, that was true, but in my Internet Travels I had found some things out, Have you ever heard about the baby seals, You know the clubbing of baby seals. My family was involved with that endovour, my Native half was imorted in to St George Island to club baby seals by the Russians, and my Russian ancestors were probally the ones involved in the operation. not a big bragging point, on the Native half, it was most likely that or death, or the Russians used to like to kidnap the women and children, that Is why I think there is a strong incidence of attacking a persons family in Native familes, not all but more often than [...]

Master race, the fight for Ukraine

2022-03-03T08:50:44-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

So, we have this War, that looks to end not so good. Me see nothing good coming out of this for America or Ukraine, nothing, we will waste Millions, but as we seen if Afghanistan, we must have an unlimited supply, but since they are now  taxing not only all of us, down to the lowly taco bell worker, they have decided to tax the Mega rich Corporations too. it is inevitable that the Russians will take over Ukraine, that is a foregone conclusion, at least to all the United States "Experts" in essence, our money is going to prolong not only the War, but increase the amount of people killed, is that a fair assessment? This whole feel good give the poor Ukrainians food and weapons, [...]

Native me is, white me looks, me be both

2022-03-03T07:57:53-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I have been doing more research on my ancestors and my family tree on Ancestry, lots of work, well you have to search then look and look.  it mindless fun for me. So, I have a few brick walls as they say in genealogy, finding the death of my great grandma Ida, and the rest of my Native ancestors, you see, I am not just from One Native branch but several. They go back to the great grandparents before I have an full blooded, they kept track, but finding them is a needle in a haystack. Nome Alaska, was not full of Russian settlements as much as the southern Coastal areas. In kodiak you have lots of "breeds" or mulato,s as they called them or just "mixed" [...]

health the key to taking control

2022-03-03T07:25:18-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I know, there is nothing more important than taking care of my body, my brain, my thoughts. I have been doing this intermittent fast for a long time now. I had been doing it back since the days of working as a carpenter in Anchorage, after I started my first Atkins regime, went from 235 to 185, I am now around 180. I still feel fat, not obese, and according to my new Renphro app, I am I need to be below 172.  I had gotten down to 165, but that was during my cancer treatment, you I think, most of my ills, are related to the cancer treatments, when I dont feel good, it feels just like when I was getting my infusions of cisplatin, the [...]

To be able to know yourself, we need to know why?

2022-03-03T06:40:20-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

Eye, question everything, absolutely, everytime, all of the time, and on a continuous basis. There is only one thing that I truly know, That I know nothing, really hard to swallow, or is that my surgery :/ All joking aside, we are programmed from an early age, our childhood, is our blueprint or the rest of our lives, that is not to say, you can not change, but you can not fix, what you are not aware of, that I am pretty sure of. I have to contently question my own thinking. What is behind this thought or emotion, is it my insecurities, rising, or perhaps unresolved anger? I know one thing, we all have these, let say " monsters of thought" Some people may be able [...]

February 2022

ugly ugly do we blame the people, hell no, I wont go

2022-02-28T10:04:46-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

How does all this happen,  The russian Empire takes over its former subclad. Nuclear War hangs in the balance, this could be a tricky deal, here I am playing devils advocate, we seen this with the Nazis, first it was just poland, then more more more. do we do nothing, well we can not do nothing, but we must tread lightly, this is a ruler that has no problem, poisoning his enemies, his own countrymen. do you think he cares about russian troops, these leaders, all leaders, they are expendable, we have seen that in our country, Vietnam, Korea, and more recently Afghanistan. Did we give a rats ass about the Taliban taking over the Afghans? does the Ukraine leader care about his people, hell no, he [...]

My personal battle, not yours, GET YOUR OWN, and own it

2022-02-24T07:22:39-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

All my exes live in texas:)  = 0 Overcoming personal difficulties, is difficult, I quit smoking when I was 22 years young, that was easy, I had a good reason, I had an ephiany, which lasted till  I was no longer under the control of the cigs, I never got to be an anti-smoker, or smoker hater, although I did do a report on second hand smoke in college, that reminds me, I had to do a verbal report once, on something, well I just figured I was smart enough to get by with just talking, I had been talking in AA and was not a fearful public speaker anymore, I didn't freeze or anything embarrassing, but the teacher did call me on it, I think I [...]

searching for the past

2022-02-23T20:39:57-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

I have been still trying to solve the mystery, where was grandpa Fred, before he was Named Monson? where was great Aunt Grace?  where was Karvel, I think I am getting closer, here are some clips I found at the National Archives

Here comes the rain

2022-02-23T11:16:35-07:00Categories: my bullshit|

It is quite blustery today,  cloudy and supposed to rain. I got a new scale, I stepped on the old one wrong, and it broke the glass, this new one is pretty cool, got it on Amazon for 40 bones. it has bluetooth, so I stand on it and it gives me my weight, but it also has an app, that had me enter in all my measurements. my bmi is 26, but I knew that, and the fact, that I am still overweight, up to 185, which for me is not too bad, but still 20 lbs over, my ideal weight, but the good news, I am at 16% body fat, which is supposed to be good. I put my goal at 13% and my goal [...]

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