my bullshit

Complicated, very complicated. I feel like my brother deserves a better life, that he is getting right now.  he lives in a Care facility in North Phoenix, close to a nightmare job I just completed. it was a nightmare, not the work, the situation, the people. ( an unlicensed contract: pretending to be the homeowner, a homeowner pretending not to be a flipper) but it does not compare to my brothers nightmare, not only will he never walk, but he lives in a nice house, that is true, but when you walk in it is DARK real dark, the Air is thick, I dont think they will ever get that smell out, if ever there was a breeding ground for respiratory infections, he has his own room, [...]

I was looking at our dogs and thinking, if I live as expected, I am going to have to watch and see all of these dogs die, even the puppy. we knew this going in, we had just been through 3 other dogs, buggers:Mikey Oafy: Oliver and beanie: Pepper, we have a thing with nicknames. why would we subject ourselves to this again and again? I think the answer is clear, you can never feel so loved (except by a parent) as a properly loved and cared for pet. Sure, they are beggars, barkers and sometimes tough to train, but they will love you almost unconditionally, it is hard to get that from humans. at this moment I have to go to work, and the kitty is [...]

Ok, so my empathy has gotten away from me. the real story is that even as far back as medieval England, the poor have been expendable humans for the 1% of the rich landowners, this I learned from another great course from Wonderium, and in reality, it is not fair to vilify any people who just happen to be born on a better side of the tracks. We have all watched or heard of the rich heir to some fortune, or someone with oodles of cash, that lives like a pauper. And, there are the people who regardless of their life standing, rise up and shed the chains of poverty. I do not find offense at any poor people, white, yellow, red, green or blue, hey blue [...]

The greed and lock of oversight on Major Corporate hospitals and even the "non-Profits" is obscene, as obscene as any of the worst porn. That is just the tip of the iceberg, now people want free healthcare, you have got to be kidding me, who is going to pay for all this wasted money? you are, the working stiffs of America, the rich bastards, will be sailing across the world in their yachts and private integrative specialized doctors. America will never be strong going into debt to pay Corporate hospitals to make money off of people sickness, never, nada, not going to happen. How about free integrative health, and healthy food?  how about ramping up blood testing, most insurance will not cover complete blood testing, most doctors [...]

well, we survived to day 2, the biggest issue on New years was the complaints about fireworks. I usually do not post on these neighborhood deals, but it was new years. The post referred to all the fireworks going off and how it was affecting the vets, pets and children, I responded with HAPPY NEW YEAR, to an already saturated post of one side or the other, from on end of the spectrum to the other, one side going as far as to vote to make it a crime to set off fireworks, the other side, calling the other a bunch of "Karens", some were offended by my "happy New year", but in reality I dont like the noise either, but as many others mentioned, it is [...]

Ok, so what is going on? now we have Omicron, what next? I thought from the beginning that this was all a move towards some objective, and that seems to be the case. Just ask yourself, who is benefitting? is it the taxpayer? the government? or rich hospitals, Corporations or supposed non-profit companies? yes they are raking in billions of Government money, and that is not only the money they are getting, or billing for, I got this bill after insurance paid 5k, it was a scam to fill a room. I was admitted with Covid symptoms, all Covid related. how much money are they getting? the press in this county  is a fucking joke I took the vaccine and got a booster, as I am one [...]

yes, I, we only have one shot at life.  what is the purpose of our lives? do we have purpose?  I suppose it is to further the species, our species? or all species. The are launching a new Telescope today, which will be able to peer into the great beyond, the the big bang theory. I guess that is a step in the right direction as our Sun will burn out eventually, at least that is what we theorize. what do I have to do with all that? nothing comes to mind, but perhaps it is to not rock the boat?  or maybe it is to rock the boat, lets say, our current pollution and burn up the planet trajectory ends the earth long before the Sun [...]

Ok, so I am an Alaskan Native, yes it is true. So, here is the scenario, our small village of 30 original shareholders, about he size of Eklutna Native corporation near Anchorage, at least at the start of the Claims Act in 1972, when I was 10 years old. I have many issues with this, as you will see, anyhoo, The amount of land that Eklutna has gotten was 100 times for than our small corporation, because a local tool Omar Stratman was used to make sure the local Natives did not get a fair quota of land, but that is not my topic, but I can't help myself, I just hate being cheated, and we were cheated, even for years afterward, the local jurisdiction made us [...]

So I posted on a page, I have responded to page post before, minimally, but this was my first post on a page How much Scottish does one have to have in dna to be considered scottish? 10% 95% 1% In YOUR OPINION? here is the group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1825521394281067/ The name of the group: Ancestry & Heritage Scotland here is some of it copy and pasted  

I feel kind of melancholy today, and yet I a not sure if eye know what that word means;) big day ahead crushing a brick wall, I keep wanting to make Construction videos, but when I think about it, it will just slow me down, my mission get the job done, get paid. simple, but eventually I would like to share my experience of contracting, tips and all that jazz, and safety but since I am going to be sledgehammering a block wall today, that will have to wait.  You know I feel a little guilty about slamming the dems and republicans, because we all just want to belong, and be proud of our beliefs, and really I do not believe much anymore. I do believe our [...]

I learned another lesson, on my latest project, I should have bid that out, and charged the 10 grand a legitimate plumbing contractor would have, even more if it included everything, sometimes trying to do a good thing, can backfire, not that it was the customers fault, anyway live and learn, or just live and let live, this is after all my personal journal, which is public, kind of :/  yes that and slamming the children, that was also uncalled for, even in venting, as someone may read that, and think I am against families living together past 18 years, NO way JOSE, that is not my message, my message was, I have reactions and feelings, I am human, did I mention this is an online journal?  [...]

looks like I dodged another bullet, or in my case nightmare project. I am still broken hearted, it was going to be a nice project, until I saw the future, but just like the turtle in Mr. Wizard, I did not see it soon enough, lost my ass again, or at least did way too much work for the money.  I was conflicted in not doing the project, but today, I saw the quote I needed to see, if you need to think hard about something, the answer is NO. I hate to think this is all because of Biden and the Covid 19  issue, but think it is more the rich bitches that are doing all this, owned by the press, and we are just sheep, [...]

oh, have to go, but I was thinking about what I sed about no pills and treating mental anguish of all kinds, it would be hypocritical of me not to clarify, I have used drugs in one way or another my whole life, legal, prescribed and might not even be here today without using them, I was more talking about ME, and where I am today, which has been a long road, from booze, clonazepam, prosaic, and marijuana, a long road and  some overeating, oCd  and many other coping, so in clarification, whether your poison distracter be porn, heroin or twinkies, I not judging, we all have our paths, I am just glad where my path is now. my bestest distracter has been running and hiking and [...]

Well, it is looking like my original assessment of my relation to the Vinberg and Kashevaroff was wrong, we were related through Marriage, I had the wrong connection, we were not related to Katherine, at least that is the way I see it, she was a Fox, I am related genetically to her husband Andrew, I must map this out before I forget. I did find some genetic matches to fox, but it was by marriage, had me confused, she was actually a Merculief, which is another family connection, I always feel a little reluctant to discount marriage relationships, when in fact, they are, or were a much bigger part of the family than the genetic connections, but this is genetics, for good or bad, I seek [...]

Yeah, every time I get sick, this time was not different, the first thing I think is the Cancer is back!!  it was kind of a nightmare again,  you know stuck between trying to save money, although I have good insurance, through sweet Mary's work at the Government, the deductible adds up fast.  they waste no time billing, so I try to go to the Indian hospitals and clinics, they still charge the insurance, but no deductible, the problem is, they only give you third world care, well maybe 2nd world care, at least here in Arizona, if you an Alaskan Native. The problem, the doctor talked me into going to see a heart specialist in another hospital, I had said no, but she insisted,  I feel [...]

Laurel and hardy fun slapstick comedy of the past.  This duo reminds me of what is going on in my noggin half the time, like the little devil on your shoulder, ying, or yang, trying to find out who is really controlling Richard? not so much controlling my physically, but my thinking. sure we can say we have control over our own thinking, but do we? really? I sure dont fucking think so. I  mean, if we were living on an island, without out anther human, we would still be "controlled" by our environment, rainy days, sunny days, bugs, no bugs... we are reactionary creatures, that is all there is too it. Being able to get a grasp of this helps find peace. The biggest problem is [...]

Well that was a nightmare,  I really have no idea how I contracted Covid16, I am a classic social distancer, I do not like close talkers (Seinfeld) never have, but during the infection time, I really was not close enough, yet I got COVID19, It makes me reassess my whole game plan, The dark side in my say, I was purposely infected somehow, yet that theory does not hold water, as there is no who/where/why answers to be had, my best explanation is giving my red blood cells, when we went to donate at the catholic Church in Mesa, they asked my to do a super RED donation, they like the 0+ juice, anyway, even thought they can be considered infallible, They are only HUMANS 2. If [...]

I am convince of this, it ties into wants, Our wants, I mean, what we want, define us. My problem, I really never define, what eye want, o sure on a broad term, I want to be happy, I want to experience life, adventures, meeting nice people and avoiding people who are not good for me.  That my friend is a tall order. The whole key for me, living in the moment, that is the biggest key,  now we really can not do this all the time, well...... yes it can be done, but no easy pik nik basket. the key?  patience, Want things, creates stress, but not wanting anything? what does that create? boredom perhaps Analyzing what we want and what it entails, I dont know, [...]

drafting away in Margaritaville.... not really, but drowning in files, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think sometimes the difficulties are my own doing, I know they are. I really need to get to the bottom of things:) I will have to do my homework and get their plans in writing, drafter and designing are two totally different things, how do I deliver still, it is hard, when you have no Idea what they are going to change next. lucky for me, I have a regular project and and engineer, he just is very vague, which is very troublesome, since, it is hard to finish, but I must deliver, I have been wating a week on a response, but he seems in [...]

So, I was raised as white as Wonder bread, and it is one of the things I am most proud. growing up, I never felt anything but what, I knew what it was to be a white person, as white as anyone else, I knew. Yet, I was a Native, I have told of my best friends dad, story, he thought we were a mexican family, except they could not figure out the blond hair kid (me) I got the Scandinavian Genes :) We grew as American as apple pie, we had the best childhoods you could think of, really, dirt poor, but our Mom loved us, she was young too, raising 5 kids, 4 boys, anyway, we lived the best childhoods you could imagine for a [...]

survived another baseball tournament, not too much anguish, and lots of fun, and some not so much fun. You know people complain about the whole "Participation thing" but it is more than that, it is more about life. I see these knuckleheads, not so much a bad thing to be called a Knucklehead. ( my dad called me Knucklehead) when asked what my name was at school, I said Richard Knucklehead Simeonoff :) anyway, WE are all in this thing to set goals, BE all you can be, and that is well and fine, great motivational tool. But the problem with that is we are more focused on The Baseball WIN, then we are in the moment of Playing baseball. if it is all about the win, [...]