my bullshit

the battle continues, the battle of the bulge, finally getting the drafting done, just have to dot some I's and cross some T's, but I had been thinking lately about us humans and the Earth we all share with many creatures, as I was running over and killing ants with my roller blades, I was thinking how it all began for me, watching Star Wars with Luke, Darth Vader and Obi Wan, The force, life force, that was a dominating part of the script, is alive in me, We are like one life force, if you add every creature on this Earth, and think of them as One, as a life force, The fact the we have all kinds of bugs crawling all over us at any [...]

Ok, been slacking in my new lifestyle diet, I am blaming this computer work and the stress of dealing with a Nonsense, bullshit city, this job is not as complicated as their expensive degrees cost, the more I think about it, especially after driving through the Mega Campus, they call ASU, the money spent on their Palace of stone, could be put to use building Online schools for all people. The Age of control through limited education is coming to an end. The sooner the better. Ok that is enough, I feel a little better, but have to get back to cracking, so far there have been quite a few bids, but not many hits, usually if they dont hire me, it does not get done, I [...]

Well looks like there was some confusion on my part, at least that's the story, but good for me, they not requiring a bunch of nonsense drawings, bad news, they are holding me to a higher standard, like I am a drafter, well I do draft, but the difference? I build too. that is cool, more knowledge, I usually just try to slap these drawings together, without a billion code reference and all the expensive bullshit, but looks like I am going to have to add some of the same bs, that I do not like. blah blah blah I wonder if these videos even work, I got a new lens, it is wide, cheap as these usually cost a couple grand for good ones, [...]

OK, so I been watching Mindfulness courses again, This latest one was really good, I know it to be true, I had to look deep in into my eye. This is so Important: People react and act towards us, not because of US, but themselves, this can be so confusing. We really have to soak this up, Our thoughts, their thoughts, it is never about anything but is inside each and everyone of us. I have seen these things, that say, we most dislike in others, which is in us. It is so true, yet so hard to swallow, like me trying to swallow bread, gets stuck in the gaping hole in my throat the surgeon cut out, anyway this is a fact in my psyche, I [...]

I have to say that I am grateful to be born in the Greatest on Earth, how do I know, well I dont, but my time on earth and my monetary limitations, I will just have to be content with, I live a free Country with free speech, freedom of Religion, and equal but often not fair protection under the laws of our Country, that being said, I am also a Native American, that has lost his cultural identity, It was beaten, brainwashed and bred out of my family. What did they do to compensate? well first lets look at some facts, We are one of, if not the Richest Nation on this planet, just look around everybody with all these gadgets, cars, fancy clothes, and nobody [...]

that post was all over the fucken place :) wtf, ok, I need to knuckle down get some shit done. I just am getting frustrated at spinning my wheels on the same old bullshit, the wheels go round and round O let me tell you a story, my dog, ran after a coyote, I had to chase him, I got worried, he would get lost, found him, another one of my bonehead moves. this computer work is making me fat, I like thinking but, sitting at this computer is harder than digging, really it is. you know I been feeling sick, when I go out in public, walking around amongst the people, but when I am working, digging, Hiking pushing myself, I FEEL FINE, I am getting [...]

I think it is impossible to not be influenced by outside sources, Unless your one of those Monks, you know the ones, they sit in their peace pipe smoking position and pray, then sure, no problemo, but for all of us schmucks that have a need for food and shelter? no way Jose, that is not going to happen, they key is who do you let influence you? your daddy? your mommy? you holy man priest? you squeeze, your best friend, Donald Trump? Joe Joe Biden? the Democratic party? the republican party? the Bible? the quran? your Native Corporation? as you see the list goes on and on, we are unidated with outside stimuli. I am not immune to this outside stimuli, in fact, I rather relish [...]

I feel like i have lost most of our family, lost forever, how can that be, When we were young, we did not have much, but we did have family, lots of cousins, I like to blame the Native claims act, but it is more than that, it is deeper. this will be a remembrance of things lost to my younger generation, I feel need to vent, yet I will try to be like joe friday, the names have been changed to protect the innocent, after all we are all innocent, at least we have no choice in most things that happened or our station, we are the product of our experiences, often external, almost always not of our doing. let me first start with my fathers [...]

I have been doing lots of hard labor recently, mind numbing labor, that will drive you crazy, unless you have some good listening, well I did, I was listening to a college class on the 4 greatest religious humans that ever existed, or they think may have existed, these 4 were Muhammad, Jesus, confusion and Buddha, not sue if I spelled them wrong, but they not showing up red, so that is that,  this scholar or phd teacher was explaining all the things that were known, and some that were perhaps mythical, I know some will say, that I am a heathen, just for having an open mind, but I sitll follow the jesus man, and his really name was not even jesus, it was imut, or [...]

Working today in the Arizona heat, finishing up demo of the ducts and walls, took a big load to the dump, truck worked like a beast, the hottest it got was on the way home 206 it say 117 on the freeway, where it is really hot, that worked well sounds good, now I just gots to git her smogged, or him? do we call our rigs by girl or boy?  like a boat a girl I would guess, hey I wonder if that is sexist? maybe someday I will learn that too :)  do not see too many boats named in the male gender, but who knows I was getting baked, but it was mostly shade. but whilst I was doing my brain dead work, I [...]

well its not so bad, under 180, when my highest was 235, but still aspiring to reach the goal of 160, perhaps I will get some deadly cancer and then I will win. oh well, the last fast, well it did not get any results, I was really not hungry, but lost no weight. I have hit a brick wall, still want some abs, to the fight goes on, but first must keep the wolves away:) my little speck of a human participle is still trying to find some meaning in this life, perhaps, it is only that I am a piece of the species, we call man. I know my purpose is to survive and thrive, to be a happy human, that I can do, but [...]

I have come to this realization, in the last few years, embracing my life, and everyone that I have ever known, they are all a part of me, even the ones that I never got to know, the ones that wronged me, and the ones I have wronged, yes I am no angel, but this is a grateful tribute to all I have know, we are all on this spaceship we call Earth. I love all my memories, the good the bad and the ugly, they are the sum of who I am, So many experiences so many people, I love to stop and ponder the past, I know i have had some bad adventures, but they pass, just as easy as the good ones. [...]

Well, went up to visit my brother Gilbert at his new digs in Scottsdale. it had been over a year since I had seen him in person.  I was told that I would need a vaccination card, and they already had me sign some paper to move him, which stated, he could  leave anytime he wanted as long as he was back by 11pm or he would be charged a room hold fee, not sure what that was all about. I show up at the place, nobody answer the door, one of the residents waves me in, I ask for Gilbert, I find him as usual in a dark room slumped over, doing nothing. I had told him I would take him to the bank and then [...]

day 4  and still going strong, have not hit the ketosis yet, at least not full blown, not sure, but may have to jumpstart it with some intense cardio, perhaps some laps at the pool, I do sprints in the pool then hit the heavy bag, have you seen them big black rubber balls, they about 5 ft in diameter, fun to hit, but really gets my heart pumping. watermelon to the rescue, just a small piece, but was able to get back to sleep. thats it time for work

the birdies, what a wonder, we get small ones, big ones, they are so full of life, so funny to watch, they bully each other, but are so fun to watch, the kitties think so too, we had a pigeon today, they really are a pretty bird, compared to say a dove, but not as cool as the quail birds, with their floppy thingy on top their head:) yesterday I saw a turkey vulture fly over, I was waiting for him to circle, but he just kept on flying south, they are a giant bird, sometimes you can see them eating road kill, they big as any eagle, but have small heads, such a sight. I would like to get a close up, but need to get [...]

As I watch these birds wondering what kind of lives they have, I wonder why there are not fat birds, too fat to fly? do they know not to overeat? they seem pretty, are we happier, because, we know there lifespans are limited to a few years at best?    does that make us superior, I wonder, o I know there is more to life than laying eggs and then dying, or is there, we are the chosen ones, we think at least until we blow up the planet :/   hahahah had to quip a little. So I have been working on this being a good person, well at least not letting me be affected by others, or is it effected, or both :) This principle is [...]

What should be the most important thing taught? I am not sure, I used to think that it was to believe in God, and still do for me, but I think even more important, is to know that we are all in a mixer of sorts, we do not have  a choice, we are born to parents and situations, we have not control over. watching these crime shows on tv, and the lack of any real life, some people are born in to is depressing, they wonder why we have so much crime, the lack of oversight on the worlds children, we have come a long way, but there is still work to do. Most times the best we can do is to break a cycle, of [...]

Well, I had a setback, been eating some butter sandwiches, they are delicious, I did use healthy bread, but ate  few too many, setback are part of the whole trying to get healthy body and mind journey for me.  I am sure there are some people that just hop right in on these things and are one and done, i have a lifetime of bad habits, and demons to battle, right up my alley, but it is a quest, and still in the back of my mind, I say is it all worth it? I see how people just say, ok, I'm out, of the rat race, the relations roller coaster and just say fuck it. I really try to have fun in life, that has been [...]

I really enjoy watching birds, all birds even the plain ugly ones, I know my dad also liked the birds, he would always name the ducks, it is funny in a kida hypocritical way, in which we can admire these things and on next moment be eating them for dinner. We have this bird feeder and liked it so much, we went out and got a bird bath for them too, We are bird Central. I often wonder about eh lives of birds and other animals, are they happy, do they even consider if they are happy, is that our problem, thinking too much? those damn birds in my front yard, seem pretty damn happy, or watching the hawk high up in the sky, gliding along, like [...]

MY stoic course is coming along, the latest greatest is quite a revelation, actually in line with my current thinking, but at a much higher level, it boils down to expecting people to be bad, yes expect bad drivers, mean, nasty people, to expect anything else, is well, ignorant, that has been my opinion, along the lines of everybody has a different upbringing, or circumstance, that is inline with christian thinking in the turn the other cheek, love thy neighbor mentality, but at a higher level, more precise.  The Sotic philosophy involves living according to nature, that means, being a good person to nature, and that further means, To be good to nature is to be good to our nature, which is, that we are a social [...]