my bullshit

YOu know how you think your right, convinced you did the right thing? then it becomes convincing  yourself you did the right thing, well at that point, YOU KNOW, I failed my own test again. Damage control  is  trickier, I Like the live, forgive and forget in that order, sometimes things come sneaking back, best to be careful. I need a shocker, I can push a button when I get caught up. I always say it is harder with family, I want things to be good healthy and fun, maybe its not in the cards, but I must be virteous loving  and forgiving. I know its best to put blinders on, play dumb, and that can be easy baby easy. special thank you to Dr. Green

Big Dummy, yes that is me, I have to quit giving the bank away, everything starts and end with pricing. 900 on paint 2 days work, net after paint 300, no pay for me, that is how this job went usually by the end of the job, I am flush, not during the biden years, he won on his promise to save the world from covid, instead he got us supporting a War, and doing his damnedest to start a world war. lucky for us, the president has limited powers, but the rest of the dumshits keep pumping billions into the war. They are all profiteers, making money on the misery of Ukraine, this war is supported by Our government. this has been a regional conflict for [...]

I love this song, for me it means more than just a personal relationship, but in all things, about accepting whatever comes my way, I guess this has always been my mantra, just in the past few years has it grown to be part of my character, on the other hand, just laying down and accepting everything has never been my way.  I know that without mixing it up, little happens in life, nobody is going to throw me a rope or lifeline, or even give a rats ass. that is the way it is, live it deal with it. I have had a successful life, very successful, let me tell you why, I broke the cycle, no not a bicycle, but the cycle of poor pitiful [...]

Well got the roof framed and almost ready for inspection, I do need to rethink my business model, breaking even is not as desired as you would expect :/ I read this article in JLC light Construction about billing cost plus, and I think that is the way I need to go, this and charging for estimates, I have been using square ft pricing and it works, until they change all the variables. that is work, I am thinking about posting on my 2tribes site about this last project.  I am pretty much breaking even, only without being able to pay myself, but cover my expenses to  live on this earth, and not new tools, I did have to buy a new Sawzall, or reciprocating saw, cuz [...]

We choose what we see. when I am about and about I try to see happy people, yet most of the time, the happy people are far and fleeting, is this the face of our lives? our own perceptions can be misleading, yet I can not shake the feeling we are all doomed to life life of robots. unhappy and always wanting more, please sir, can I have some more, one of my favorite quips for a poor london kid begging for some food. I am trying to wonder why eye see sad people, is this because they are sad?  are we all under this supervision or restraint of the populous? the popular views? I'm going to give to much information in these next clips, because I [...]

Wow, had a great time in Washington State, was everything I expected and much more :)  my son Richard was playing his new album, had a good family showing from both sides of the isle, and some childhood friends from Arizona (Richards) I have none :/ lol  I will post his songs on here, they pretty good, even thought I heard some skynyrd  sounds, tuesdays gone with the wind, but not exact or even close just the same vibe :) but alas, as this is my vent machine, my diary, my say what I want feel and fuk the rest.... Not really but, I feel some pain, the pain of others, the same pain I live with and try to escape, it runs rampant in my family, [...]

yes, more than a feeling, I wonder if birds worry about thier next meal, or do they just go out and get it? I wonder because you dont see to many fat birds :) at least too fat to fly. I broke my fast, well.. kinda I had dinner with my sister and brother in law, I think that is what they are, my wifes brother and his wife?    all these damn labels, anyway i have just thought of him as my wife's  brother. WE had some Mexican food, it was pretty good, overcooked the meat, but better safe than sorry, I usually get the fajitas, pretty healthy unless you eat the tortilla. I have been also eating some macadamia's and sardines in olive oil. feel [...]

what is normal, I guess it is different for everyone. you every ask someone a question, and they ignore It?   I think that means fk off, at least in my tiny brain. what are some people afraid of? hurting your feelings by saying the wrong thing? I dont know about you, but I would rather someone just say beat it fuck off. why waste you time and my time? so many questions Anyhoo, well I am on day 4 of my fast, yesterday was a little tough, I was getting hunger pangs, they only last a sec or two, but come back unless I trick them with some; turmeric laced with chicken broth, or some hot cinnamon water; or a bite of some ginger, all these help [...]

I dare not, I do not, yet I do My mind is a fickle monster. I have to come to the big Picture, soak it in, become one with the picture. that is Nobody wants to be told how to think, how to feel, how to eat, they need to find that on themselves, I am powerless to help the world, it gives me anguish to no end. I have recently been under siege, my condition, crazy legs, increased calorie consumption, feeling stress, lack of sleep. So it was time for a reset, that includes a saltwater flush, clean out that Colon, i have done this for years, sometimes year apart, but it always cleans out the tubes. I remember the first time, I was over 200 [...]

We have so many label for everyone, we are just that way, in our minds, we just label people, off the bat. I think if instead of looking for something different, we should look for things that we share in common.      

short so the Ego is not a good thing, I know this, yet it is part of who I am. We are our Ego, like the peacock, who ruffles his feathers, I know to keep it in check, but without some personal bravado, not at the expense of others, but some personal triumph, I dont think I could have, or would have done most of my life, I would be living  somewhere or nowhere, but not the same, even the one-eyed man has to have some ego, or sense of self worth. mine cam from fighting, sleeping around and using my brain. I know that my Ego is me, but not me. confused, I am at times, try living in me brain I used to call my [...]

Well I am tired for sure, just paid 4 grand to home depot, that is hard, but at least I can pay it, and have most of the lumber I need, I am probably making Alaska Apprentice wages at this point, like brother gilbert likes to say, working for peanuts. well its all me own faults, I know this, I was pretty cocky, I could build a garage for that price, well, I can, but not much left over after paying the price butchers, just osb alone went from 13 bones to above 50, and they have no shortage of supply, Home depot is stocked to the brim. never seen so may tools and lumber, same with the tool houses, its all a fucken greed grab, just [...]

https://youtu.be/lzgE6IHlLa8

This is from a song, but this post had me thinking, it was in a facebook stoic group, which like all groups are more about Ego than learning, anyway this practicing stoic says, he has been practicing his stoicism and believes it leads to loneliness, I was taken aback, as this was the same thinking I had embraced, at least his we die alone, are born alone and live alone in our own thinking, yes I believe so, but the lonely part was perplexing, I started to respond on several attempts, but ultimately declined. I am lonely in my thoughts at times, but unless we are all robots, which would be akin to an ant colony, at least my perceived view of ants, and ant colonies. We [...]

Finding the truth in our society is near impossible for me... Ok, so this Ukraine War is Biden war, him and his son Hunter, that is the far right, the capitol stormers take on why Joe has such a personal interest. All this is bullshit, WE are just Pawns in a mud slinking war between Democrat/ communist and republican/ Nazis  their sole motivation for all of this is a smokescreen of what is really going on. What I am implying is that it is all bullshit. Covid: Bullshit Masks: bullshit  war in Ukraine: bullshit  Afghanistan: bullshit  Inflation: bullshit  shortages: bullshit. there is more to come, mark my word, the puppet masters are not done yet, they plan some new world order, a cold war? I have no [...]

let the light in, close out the dark. I had an ephiany today, we are like birds, dogs, and all animals, we are animals, but we do not have to be. Maybe it is a better life to be  bird or dog. To be self aware, means we have to look at our lives, all lives, our species. where do I fit in? what is it all for? are we a good thing? We are of earth, we are earthlings. (Big smile)  I like being an earthling, an aware earthling, aware of my own minute status amongst our universe and beyond, just like Woody's friend Buzz lightyear, to Infinite and beyond. smelling the roses for me, just looking around at all the colors and saying I am [...]

Ok, so I have this cousin in Kodiak, she going to be a grandma, 4 times, her son, is having 4 kids at Once. my Aunt will be a Great Grandma. Just thought I would post that. cool beans, life go on.  I can not imagine 4 kids at once.

Warning political pie hole opinions from  my brain!! I just listened to President Joe Biden speech on the war in Ukraine.  I think he did a good job.  not vilifying the Russian people, but where the crosshairs should lie, on the Government, just like our Government, we the people have little to do with on the World stage. We get to vote, but that is where it stops.  we saw them  break up protesters in our own state, and thank GOD we have freedom of the Press, but we do not control that either, we are at the whims of the Mega Rich Publishers, as are all the reporters and underlings of such organizations, the Money Rules America, corruption will always be  a problem. I say this, [...]

I woke up this morning and turned on the Roku news, it showed wind blowing through a town, my first thought, they had exploded a nuke, but in fact, it was a tornado, brought me back to my dream, when the sky exploded, or more accurately collapsed in one of my dreams. it was the end.  That was my thought as i woke up, grateful it was a  dream. I find it discerning that we are under the lies and incompetence of government and the press, I watched this tucker Carlson video about how Ukraine is not a democracy, it is true, he has silenced all political parties and turned off the press. I have always said, Power corrupts, and he might have been credible, except his [...]

I love to write this bullshit, it is true, well my feeling as I write it, not like I am mad," it is what it is" were all fucked anyway. really we are, but lets have some grateful talk. We can post or say whatever we want in this county, just think if we lived in Ukraine, or Russian, they will have you poisoned, or banned, zelenski just banned all the opposition, Is Zelensky’s party crackdown his first mistake? | The Spectator there are even report of them castrating russian solders Ukrainian doctor tells TV interviewer he has ordered his staff to CASTRATE Russian soldiers | Daily Mail Online these are two countries that have been embattled forever.  I think of this as a modern day  England/Scotland  [...]