life is short. it seems long, until you get in your 70’s or 80’s if your lucky enough to make it that far. My 25 years left if I am lucky, has me thinking about quality of life in the remaining years. that brings me to my present dilemma of sorts. One thing that I do know, that life goes on, meaning, that we all have to make a living and survive, hopefully thrive.
Eye just can not see, why there would be any animosity. it is as If I was told yesterday, the feeling are still raw, I have another daughter, yet I am alone, lost in space. denied, perhaps with malice. life is precious, my pain is real.
I feel abandoned , I do have abandonment issues, well they have mostly all faded, but like those leopard spots, they persist. my whole self assessment has helped me accept ME, flaws and all. I do have this strong bond towards family, all family, even a 3rd cousin twice removed. We are all on this planet together and our relative are part of our genome, that will live on long after we have departed. why deny me family, which is my world. I am lucky to announce that my daughter Sarah has bought a house in Denver and is closing in August and I may get to go up and help them get it ready, crossing my fingers. I wish I had endless money, Eye would build lots of houses, for everyone. I know that I have been, exited about my new family, but it should in no way diminish the love for any of my family, I mean, if I found out I had a brother, I would be ecstatic to say the least, yet it is the human trait, we all think differently. We have our burdens of life. I have been a Bio dad or over 35 years, lots of catch up to do, yet…. my heart aches. My perfect world, me and sweet mary would be able to see and visit and become one happy larger family. I wish we could travel around an visit all of our families. there is that damn wish word again. no it is sad for me.