Ok, so this stoicism has been on my mind, my latest class, was centered around, not just knowing this philosophy, but practicing it, faith without works is, blah blah blah, sorry forgot the words anyhoo

reacting as apposed to digesting, that is the theme, it is so true, I have been doing this my whole life, reacting, reacting, my growth has been centered around this, but my whole upgrade since AA has been flawed, let me explain: AA teaches you that we are flawed and we do make mistakes and have these resentments, so we are to admit when we are wrong, which are often the results of reaction.

someone gives you a dirty look, you grimace or return the favor, right.

let me see,  I need a better analogy..

The AA system, in which I have been a part of includes, yes we do make mistakes, long after quiting drinking, we still react and do, or say stupid things, or whatever, maybe, we just ignore, jujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujuk

that was kitten walking on the keyboard

The whole theory, has worked well for me, but how about not reacting in the first place, yes that is the key, to be able to digest feeling, that are external reactions.

Our whole lives are external reactions.

I have been practicing this new concept for awhile with the whole system of first trying to think of the other persons side of the story, or why they are acting the way that they are, among other things, but this new concept, not by just, the stoics, but also, modern phycology. digesting reactions or emotions, feeling them and thinking about where they are coming, from, my fears, unresolved anger issues, I know easy fells, the psycho babble bullshit is hardly tolerable in the best circumstances. Most of time, refraining from a response and thinking about it, not in the heat of the moment, but later, let it wear off, I mean, the only way we can stay mad is by our reaction, we can make it grown our of control, or we can just feel it, soak it in, no response, just feel the emotion, let it wear off, then think about it, often, it was nothing getting upset about, The key to this new thinking for me: I am only punishing myself by getting angry, I have lost, I am punishing myself, if your being made to feel bad emotions, over and over, you need to assess, where they are coming from, maybe the time or place that you live, or whom you live, are not good for you.

Some people are bad, that is inherent in our society. but that is not to say they are EVil, like doctor evil.

Many of us, or reacting to our emotions, sometimes badly, but this is one thing we need to address, if we have a good feeling, do we address it in the same was a a negative thought, NO Never, good thoughts are GOOD.  Good people behave badly, perhaps, because they are, reacting, not thinking, I know this has been me many times, and still, do, but I am growing aware of this. Maybe I should call this phenomenon sheep awareness, Hahahaha sheepawarness. ok mumble jumble talk,  practice makes perfect…

So I have chosen one of my pet peeves to use this new found practice on, driving, bad drivers, there is not as bad drivers as Arizona, we have the worst, and I am a worst offender. hap hazard I am.

Pet peeves, include Tailgaters, slow drivers, you know the ones, they drive the speed limit, or lazy passers, you know the ones, they have a clear lane, left to right, but they insist on getting up on you ass, and driving for awhile, then changing lanes and passing, they either dumb or lazy, or an instinctive bully. enough of this psycho babble, what this new found thinking boils down to?

I have not control over anything, buy my beliefs, I only control my beliefs, and my emotions are not under my control, unless, I am aware, that I am unaware, confusing, yes, me too

We ultimately do not even have control over our bodies, we may eat good, live good and get run over by a truck, or hit by an airplane.  Our belifs are ours, the highest priority

What we believe, is the ultimate controller not happy or not so happy.   Perhaps I should watch some communication videos, he explains it well, not sure if I do.

the whole philosophy of the Stoics, is based in being a good person, for family, and in a broader term society.  I have to be aware of the fact, I have no control over the way I am seen in the eyes of others, even writing this drabble, is only good if it is read, and with my quirky, no reread no edit style, well, it may just be a bunch of poppycock, or unintellible blabering with no clear message, but as I have   so rudely pointed out on numerous occasions, it is a journal, shared, but a journal, if it were to be a published mockery of a writer, well then perhaps, I would not use the aint it great, for there go me. hahahh grammar monkeys’ cringing, I can feel it.

I think if you feel bad after reacting to something in a negative way, you are a good person, feeling bad is a sign of a caring person, if you do not feel bad, well, that is not for me to judge, I often feel bad about lots of things, but now, that is not enough, YOU KNOW WHY? because, now I know better.  I know that it is not me, it is a reaction, not me, a reaction, even some of this crap I write, can be put in that category.  I know, clear as mud.

So this stoic thing is about sharing the good life, well I am still in survival change mode, how to share, this is my way, sharing my bumbling way through this.

My purpose in life, has to be to make people see, this truth? not so sure of that.

I want to be happy too, I have no idea what the future holds.

my whole perception of this modern life, has been blunted, by self-awareness.  I am starting to think, I do not like what eye see.

yet, I still love the moments, and appreciate, all the fun food and stuff we have, cars, music, especially music, I think Music is the greatest invention EVER, what happened some bored people sitting around decided to make music and sing, love to sing too

I love people, that share themselves, not so much their political views or lack of compassion, but even their nice steaks, I always love to see a nice steak, or families, or adventures, or animals, or jokes are a good fun too, I have realized,  people are stuck in their own heads, just as I yam, sam eye yam,  this meditation is kinda wierd, thinking and being aware of our total lack of our own Brains, and thinking.

what is one to do, it would be much easier to just let my emotions control my brain, but taking control of my mind is key to contentment, and perhaps  true happiness,   i have no Idea, and   just as the good eating has    been an epiphany, it will only save me, we are programmed very well, it beings early and last a lifetime,  I do not see many people realizing this whole enlightenment early in life, look at all the marcus, plato, socrates, adn aristotle, they are all old men, these means all  young people are to wait until life has gone to the grey?  I have always known, money is not the key to  happiness, I always just wanted enough to survive, and wanted to have fun.

I feel like the johnny CAsh song rusted cage, I am stuck in a rusty cage, yet I know I must be somehow grateful.

I have a couple of project to do, so I need to concentrate on hitting a home run for these customers. hocus focus, not hard, but have to git r done