Today, I am grateful for the life that i have, and being still ALIVE.
So I thought I would share some of my path to sobriety. Sometimes people have to make tough choices on their loved ones, like the show that does an intervention, it actually is called intervention, in my family, that was not going to happen, We were all cursed :/ with a fondness for the bottle, well at least me and my brothers. My intervention was the curb. smart move sweet Mary. it was not instant, it took awhile to realize what I was missing. My whole life I dreamed of having kids and a family. that was it, not to be an astronaut, carpenter, rich, or anything else. That was my dream and still is…
My father had quit drinking after being hospitalized with a liver problems and being told he would die if he did not stop drinking. He was very tolerant over the years, and gave me some of my sober living moments, out in Uganik and on Woody Island, we even shared an apartment on Government hill, I remember working at brown jug on Tudor, going to the bar, and then walking home to government hill. it is quite a trek, often drunk as a skunk in sub zero weather. My dad, was the one who would mention to me, usually when I was hung over, 90 meetings in 90 days. 90 meetings in 90 days. or one time he was messing with me, I think he was, telling me that if you drink clam juice it can help, you stay SANE, anybody that drinks to oblivia, knows what eye am talking about.
So when I was living off fireweed in midtown, after a crack cocaine and whiskey Weekend with my cousin Max, I woke up and said to my self that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. ( I Had been to meetings before, but only for short stints and never really worked the program) I was a dry drunk, I could only last a couple of weeks and would fall off the wagon for a few days on One night. One time, after getting paid, I went out drinking, with 3 kids at home and pissed my money away, I did pawn my mini 14 to give money to sweet Mary, but you see the pattern, I was cursed.
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
This step was the easiest, as I had been drinking alcoholically since I was a teenager 14 15 about, but first drunken experience was at the same time as I had my first bike, I remember falling down and not being able to ride, I had drank out of my grandmothers Vodka on top the refrigerator. I had know I was addicted and had no qualms about it, it was just Me
- Find out more about Step 1.
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
This one was easy, as I had been trained and baptized as a Christian, and had prayed and recited the lords prayer on a few occasions, one time, low on gas driving though Canada, over and over recited to myself, out of a bible I had in my purple van, that I unwisely traded for my Cadillac, which ran great and passed emissions, it came with a Honda 600, which was the best part of the deal, but the van guzzled fuel, and I was still pretty dumb back then, the Canada Liter trick got me. topped off fuel in a small Canada town, “ouch” anyway after getting stuck in Fort Nelson and getting money wired, I was back on the road, but the god thing was probally what gave me the most strength, I was no on the hook for this drinking of mine, I needed Gods help. I also got the help of a Doctor, he gave me some drug that reduced the cravings, even if your drinking, but I never drank again and got tired of the pills making me jittery.
- Find out more about Step 2.
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
The AA meeting that I chose were the Alley Cats in Spenard, they may still be around, but this was what made it doable, This has been my thought pattern since taking this step, I may waver on the specifics, but never on God, I have talked to a few atheist in the past, and the way they describe it, is a Power greater than eye, like if you have an ant in a Jar, you are a power greater than the ant…. sounds out there… o wel
- Find out more about Step 3.
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
this One sometimes more confusing, but I knew that I have always been a good person, well, that is debatable, but had a kind heart, except from jr high and high school, but after I matured (as much as one can drinking) I have always knew I had impulse issues, but with alcohol that is pretty much nil. Overall I was good, just a boozer. Now I always look to see the other persons view, to see both sides to everything, this has not been an easy road to follow, and it is still in the works. just always trying to improve.
- Find out more about Step 4.
Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
This one was one that I really did not think too much at the time, but it did make sure that all my legal mess had been cleaned up, and my family was ok, at least my ex-wife and Kids, one of my claims, which is true, My children have never seen me drunk in their lives, not growing up, never. they do not know that wild bastard. I wish eye could say the same for sweet Mary, well actually not, because we would have never met 🙁 I am pretty shy, unless drunk, but liquor me up. and I have nothing holding me back, funny even when wearing an eye patch, it actually made it easier.
- Find out more about Step 5.
Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
mostly the step 5 was a call to remove these defects, I still have some, anger, lust, jealousy and a host of other ones, the battle continues, but for the most part they are under control, and without the booze, they negated
- Find out more about Step 6.
Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
This brings me to being grateful, for life, love, family and friends, never be ungrateful for our lives and loves.
- Find out more about Step 7.
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
over the years, I perhaps gotten into lots of fights with strangers and many one night stands, well I could never find any of them, I did make Amends to everyone I could, or seemed feesible, I really do not think anyone out there is holding grudges or h8t from what I had said or did to them, never say never. but I got my family back
not this step came with a real EYE opener, my sponsor was a guy named Mike, I asked him, What about the people who harmed me, what is my fault in the scenario, and he says, my fault or part WAS EXPECTING people or family to be differnt than they ARE. this was really a great thing for me. forgivness is power, I can honestly say, that I have not h8t towards anyone, and have forgiven all that have turned on me, or harmed me. actually love for all is my goal, but that is a continuing step.
- Find out more about Step 8.
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
this is a natural after the list, I moved back in with my family, and had a good life with them, although still damaged, they say that when you drink, you do not Mature, that is true, so if you see me in the parking lot riding a cart, well I’m problem only about 30, i know but missed a few years :d
I still mess up. I still get mad and say and do stupid things.
- Find out more about Step 9.
Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
this one has been the most important and is my go to one, the key for this one is to admit when I am wrong without an explanation or excuse, this can be hard at times, as akies, love excuses, and blaming, it is the key to lasting sanity, I find without this one, my resentment grows, I always feel better, even though it makes me look weak in situations, and at times, hard if I feel I have been bested, but never have I regretted making Amends, without excuses. it is true freedom, from the beast, which is ME,
- Find out more about Step 10.
Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
This has also been very important, without this one, I truly believe I would be still lost. I often have to check my decisions, but sometimes I do not have an answer, in those cases, i pray and ask for an answer, often within a day or two, it will come to me, clear as day. I often equate this one to paying in general. I see people that pray for everything, I do not take prayer lightly, I feel there is so much pain and suffering in our world that, my mere prayers are but petty to the worlds needs, but pray I must. I never pray for money or personal gain, but more for survival and clarity, and to know when, it is out of my control, like the feeling or opinions of others, which to some degree are not out of my control, but better left alone in most cases. I also ask for humity, God has blessed me, with many things, and it is easy to take them for granted or get a BIG head. I know that all my lifes foibles have lead me to a great life, I also know, that there are many bumpy roads ahead, and I cherish the thought of riding them out with Gods help. Most important is to be grateful for everytime Im riding the highs of life, and feel good inside and out.
- Find out more about Step 11.
Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
This one, I fall short, except for those that know of my journey. I do not attend meeting anymore, actually since my first year, I have not been to a meeting, I have met people in programs and suffering, I have the term, “but for the grace of God, there go I” so true. for me this step is best left to a more passive approach. after I attended meeting, I pled guilty to my last DUI, and they sent me to rehab classes, even though I lied on all the forms, these are the worst way to attend AA meetings, often people show up drunk, and they have to sign a card, the things is, unless you really want to quit, you will not. no if ans or buts, until I was able to admit I was powerless, there was no sense going to meeting, they were wasted time. when going before my commitment, I never worked a step, not even one step, I met girls, drinking buddies, but it was more or less wasted. the required meetings are even more useless. I even got some bad habits, one meeting I went to a guy was talking about drinking Listerine. One time while on a white knuckle wagon trip, I was brushing my teeth and went to mouthwash, I ended up drinking the whole bottle, talk about rot gut whiskey, well this is much worse, Nasty stuff. I do share my sobriety when the situation arises, I am a proud ex-drunk, the EX is key Never Ever. I know that It would lead me right back where I left off. in trouble, dead, or in Jail. One thing that I tried to pound home to my kids was that you can become an alholic in 6 months before age 21 and it takes 10 years for an adult to become alky. One thing that eye try not to think of, What if? what if is like me bro tally says, if you have a wish in one hand an a turn in the other, what do you have? wasted time, but to forget my journey would be like erasing ME. I still exist. I am who I am through my experiences. I can be cocky, confident and go anywhere with confidence, maybe because of my drinking, or in spite of it? I still have a chip on my shoulder for anyone who wants to poke me. (reminds me of a garter snake i had as a kid, I kept tapping it on the head and it finally bit me). poor little guy, mefkdup. no my journey is who I am.