I know why I feel like crap today, I ate some hydrogenated crackers. I used to love wheat thins, I ate a big handful before going to sleep, not my usual walnuts,pistachios or almonds. I have been feeling a little cruddy lately, but today, much worse, perhaps my worst fears, death has come to my door, once again, the sore throat, and crappy feeling, could be my cancer resurrected on the other side, I do not remember biting my own tongue, yet It felt like I did, before I went to sleep. I had some good sleep, only woke up to wonder what the last dream was, and to pee, which is a regular occurrence these days.

I have a dilemma, again, self created. my grandson, has been sickly from birth. he keeps getting sick, I can not help thinking it is the American diet, high in processed food sugars and all the things that we love to stuff our faces with. I realized, my brain takes a break after I eat, at least slows down, this makes sense, as the reason we needed sharp brains as cave people was to feed our bellies. Now food is plentiful and cheap, and very unhealthy. I see fat people everywhere, or overweight, as I am now. I know this could be my curent problem, my symptoms.   I know this one thing to be true, I really dislike in other people, the demons, that reside in my brain, this is an kind of assbackwards ephinany. when I quit smoking I was never the person who, now hated all smokers, or the drinker, who hated all drinkers. But deep inside me resides some shrapnel of my life trauma, embedded into my present psyche, simmers below the surface. I can not be hypocritical in this aspect of my own thinking.  The buck stops here, always.

So what was my original intent, I was wondering about Seamus and his diet, since I have been eating like this, except for catching covid, which I beloved was given to me by the blood bank, when I gave my red blood cells, anyway I have been very resistant to sickness. I still eat lots of meat, but I counteract this with lots of walnuts, Omega 3’s, I had read from a reliable source, that we need to eat as many Omega 3’s as we do 6’s, Omega 6 is beef chicken, and milk, organic milk is supposedly 3’s but this latest batch seems like Omega 6. Well I was thinking of trying to barter with the kid, maybe a trade, a game system for him eating healthy, but I not  sure if it is appropriate, even if I was a lifelong father/grandfather. I would hate to alienate an already fragile relationship, or non-existent. I guess just put it up to God, or know I have no control over most of life no earth, in most things except my own reaction to my own thinking, which, I have little control over, grown from a life of being me, or thinking it was me, but was actually these silly things, nature,nurture, the progression of life.

popcorn time and a nap