what does the future hold? mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of all?

I have some stories to share and an update on me thinking as eye head into the golden years :), they are coming, if I am lucky. I do have no regrets in my life, well, lots of them, but not such that creates internal anguish, that anguish is toxic. where does my anguish come from, PEOPLE, yes, perhaps you? BUT, that is not entirely true, is it? My anguish comes from my response to external stimuli, which comes in many forms, it is ALL IN MY HEAD. that is not to say, that people do not get off on distracting or purposefully making life difficult. I have choices.

recently I gave some advice, that I had gleamed from my college courses on the Great Courses, Love that subscription, so enlightening, this is what should be taught in the schools, anyhow, there was a lecture that was expounding the virtues of imagining, what you want to do, or be, to imagine it, to see it, that was on path with my thinking already, I wanted to be able to have strengthen my family relationships.

I have no clue how to do this, I have four kids, and four grandkids* it has been such a blessing, raising kids, meeting kids, and meeting grandkids. my whole world has changed, but really has not changed, my outlook has changed for sure. I still feel that I am handcuffed or gagged, for fear of offending, hurting feelings, it seems preposterous, but it is real. Today I will tell my stories, my fears, my hopes, and will expound on my biggest tragedy. I know that I do this at my own peril, as anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of public opinion. I have written about the year of my hell before, this time I will try to leave it up.

One of my problems is that I just turned a blind eye to the whole affair, it was in the past, but damming if only viewed through a newspaper clipping, without the truth.

I had seen this clipping a couple of years ago, most people do not, but there is more researchers, than myself, and it has come back to haunt me, not in any real legal way, but it can be a tool, of those that I seek to correct, or more accurately speak out against, whatever my cause, if they want to use it as a tool, at least there shall be an actual account, which can be checked through the courts, and records. first a couple of warmup stories, that I have been thinking of writing….

Me the year of hell