it seems like poppy cock borgladash, but it is true, dead men tell no tales, or enjoy their pot of gold. you cant take it with you holmes, sherlock that is, not vato

hahahah funny to self

Anyway, I feel fine, I am under some weird issues, but I feel fine, my mind is sharper than ever, except when doing tile, or electrical or plumbing, but I am learning, and after all, I have fired more electricians, and plumber for lack of competence or shady business practices, but doing the work is harder than, knowing how it is supposed to be done, anyway this is a health update.

I am still doing the same diet, Salads, made by my mostly sweet Mary 🙂  protein, eggs, raw, soft boiled, steak, chicken, some pork, no nitrates, which means no bacon, I did find a new bread, ezekiel, it has no sugar, better than daves killer bread, on the sugar aspect alone, even bought  a loaf of the raisin bread 🙂

I try to eat Organic, but it can be  a ripoff especially if you desire a big steak.  liver both beef and chicken, love chicken hearts, but hard to find, I do like the crunchy gizzards too, and I have a new love for salmon, which My American diet had made too fishy, but as medicine, you can not beat it, and I do like it now. love the skin, like the bears that eat only the skin. I have been taking a few supplements, still not sure, what  to take, but I feel fine, as long as I dont eat too much and continue to work out. I never want to go back to being fat, and by fat, I men over the BMI, I stll on the border at 170 depending which  one you find, and hopefully this summer I will be able to push the last of my belly fat off for good. it is pesky.

One thing I have to say, I know there are lots of people out there just like me, or how I was, we have this view of ourselves as healthy, when if fact inside, we know we are unhappy and fat, not fat dumb and happy, but the change comes at a great cost, maybe too much for some, I know, I am still struggling at times.

This is a huge life change. hunger and emotions are very powerful feelings, emotions or wants, so Powerful, they control our lives. hunger is powerful, like anger, it is hard to control, and stifle one, and the other pops up its head, like a monster.

We all are going to die, eventually. My question is why die so young, these days, people are living, well into the 90’s

none of them are fat, not a one

there is one cat down here, that still climbs the mountain at 90+ everyday, that is living and keeps him alive. we can not all climb mountains, but we can keep moving

like I said, feeling emotions, and eating are much the same, I have found, even now, my body craves food, it like it is missing something, some nutrient, eating the wrong nutrient, only puts if off, the hunger will persist, until you get the right nutrient to your brain, and guess what, All of our Brains, love fat, good fat, bad fat, fat, is good food. That is science, sugar is poison, enriched flour products are poison, your eating poison. that fat you have on, can keep you alive a  long time. It is not easy. nothing worth having is easy, there is nothing more important that you, yourself and You. you can do nothing good, if your suffering. We are creatures of habit, bad habits, my whole life through.

I am embracing hardships of learning, basking in pushing my brain forward. I know my biggest enemy is ME, in my head, the guy between me ears, my thinking, is what makes me, ME, but thinking does not have to come from emotional response, but a more ninja, meditated thought process. I am looking forward to big projects, challenges of pushing my capabilities. I know this involves the one thing that I can not control, PEOPLE, red herring. emotional traps, negative feedback, so many waste of times, that must be bypassed.

on a side note: I have been getting some weird emails, some of them from clearly fake people, perhaps, entisers? or real, I have no inclination to any carnal pursuits, none, well at home yes, but not looking for any pen pals, sex pals, or anything other than business, or family. That does not mean, I will not flirt, ogle or fantasize, imagine, or any other things my mind finds pleasing. I just love people that are real. show me your soul, I will love you.

I have no Idea,where my quest will lead, I feel a need to contribute in a good way.

disclaimer: I am not judging people for the way they eat, this is my journal, it is my journey, I share, because I can. I feel enlightened, maybe someone, maybe just one person, will want to feel better, to live and feel their emotions, without stifling, them from bad food. that wants to get in control of their emotions, to be the master within themselves, I know I do, I seek to become master of myself, for me, nothing else matters, more, I am of no use to anyone, of  a poisoned soul. just another spreader of poison.

one last thing, I played baseball recently, and my managing style was to build up evey player to their highest potential. we are the  weakest link. I was brought to my other thought, the weakest link, is not always the worst player, I saw one player, destroy a whole team, a Narcissist, he was, it was so clear to me, the team and manager were under his spell. I found my self, under his spell too,  I pitched poorly, but the main thing, it was no fun. life is too short, he was too. they lost everygame, and had a decent team. too bad.