I have come a long way from the wild drinking days, I often wonder what was powering my through those years. I mean, I really had no conception of the stages that we go through, when I was a youngster, I remember planning on having children when I was about 25, my mom had my brother when she was 16 and me when she was 20, Gilbert at 21, Kelly at 22, and seestor at 26, Sister seems to be the most acclimated to American life. Can you Imagine growing up in Seldovia Alaska, even today it has under 300 people, moving to California with 5 kids? I can not imagine, me with 5 kids at 25, maybe 35. nobody to help, dad off drinking up all his money on the North slope. Kids don’t think of that, hell most people can not imagine raising 5 kids with 2 parents. There are far worse situations for sure, look at history, not on second thought, changing history is the key here. I think I knew at a young age that you can not raise a family at such a young age without help, it is pretty impossible. We did grow up poor, but rich at the same time. me and my brother like to joke about the Christmas we got used presents, but we got presents and we celebrated all the holidays, with great meals and family. We grew up on hamburger helper, and I loved that stuff, potatoes liver and cow tongue, I also loved that, but in later years, loved the taste, but had issue with knowing it was a tongue, and you could see the arteries. That was a blessing eating those different foods, we did know any different. we were using the whole animal. I do love Alaska, Alaska is a tough place to survive and thrive, yet as I age it seems further away. I was thinking lately, as I age, I am shrinking, losing hair and moving toward a body that lacks function, do not get me started on my prostate, O fk

nightmare, but I do not take pills, unless, they the difference between life and death , as were the recent stomach infection “diverticulitis” cant believe I can spell it, bad speller, need spell check, I know words, just can not spell them. so I wake u at night and dribble, my trust of hospital and doctors is minimal, but antibiotics are King. Really it is not the doctors we should thank, they have prescribed pills and charts and what not, hell, I can mostly look up online what I need, I know I needed antibiotics, but had to go see a doctor, no it is the Scientist that create these drugs, with American Tax dollars and funding for the big corporations. (ok, I guessed that last part, but think it may be true) have you seen the lawyer commercials on TV? asking if you used a particular drug and someone in your family died? they are rampant, at least on broadcast antenna TV, more brainwashing. surgeons also are a gift, good ones. in America, we need to flood the schools with doctors nurses and all the people that build America. we need to get back to eating natural healthy foods. I know, I would be wolfing down the tacos, sourdough bread, pasta, nothing like great pasta and a good sauce. But I am compromised. in a way, I am glad that I got cancer, otherwise I would still be at least mildly obese, matter fact, according to the scale, im still overweight, but working on it. fat does not want to dissipate. it hard to get rid of, but I was sick. people think of food as more than sustenance, more like a happy pill and thus the saying “emotional eating” don’t get me wrong, food is life, and unless you have life issues, keep wolfing down that fried chicken, but if you are having health issues mental or physical, you better watch what you put into your body for fuel. We are all different, so it is up to you to find out what makes you tick “better” I know I use the parentheses too liberal and the other thingies, 🙂 but im not a real writer, just a high school graduate that had to weasel a diploma out a year late. I do like to type this drabble, it give some kind of release, or … not sure. I have been lately trying to work on writing more grammatically correct. I am taking courses via streaming. great stuff love to learn. I am getting to abhor construction and all its nuances, thinking of trying to get a white collar job. not sure if I can cut it. well I know I can cut it, but do I want to? one thing that I know is that its not over till its over, till I’m taking a dirt nap, so have to keep working surviving and thriving. it has been some weeks since my trip up the mountain, its my spiritual place. I made some promises to myself, so far, still vacillating. I promised to attend virtual church to assess if it can be of help to my fear God and accept Jesus or if it is just people manipulating other people, I mean, really, Why is it there is so many factions of Christianity, the original was in Rome, from there it switched to England and has been skewed ever since. My existence would not be as it is, without help from God, or fear of him. I want to live, but sometimes, I think he says “Richard you have had enough” your time is up, I will fight for every breath I take, I know that I can always change the road im on. at one time in my life, I actually thought, it would be nice if I did not have a job and could just drink all the time. live in encampments and drink drink, lucky for me, that never happened and I give great thanks to Union 1281 and Pacific Partitions and a few supers that overlooked my drinking. so I planned out raising kids and such, but gave not thought to after that, so I am blindsided on the end game. I know that for the most part, only Today is under my control the future events will have more impact on my last years. I wish I could go on some adventures, visit people, family have laughs, reminisce. I do know one thing, nobody is going to make the decisions for me, well nobody except Sweet Mary, must take care of her as she has taken care of me for 30 years. what a job. We don’t think we Mary someone like our mums, but she more alike than different. :/ she a force to be rekoned with. love sweet mary and our babies. that brings me to my last story… next then work