these wacky emotions, they come and go, like a a breeze

Its sad when anyone dies. The thing is I feel some guilt, like I could have help him, yet I know inside, we all all have to find our own way. The same thing with my dad, I feel I should have leat tried.

Change does not come easy, we are imprinted with these things that drive us.  Nobody wants to hear about how diet can help everything in your life from physical and mental health  and quality of life to extending our time on earth, but we also must learn to deal with this fucked up world. There is no escape, people expect you to tow the line. The key for me is mindfulness and being able to feel emotion and not feed it  unless its real good.  absorb absorb. Emotion keeps welling up hearing about Tim’s passing, maybe because it reminds me of my own demise. I just feel so sad, these are feeling that I have to absorb, just thinking of him and how he was living the dream, how could this be, he was a good egg. he was driven. HOw do we learn to love and live with humans. how do we forsake our Own egos at the expense of other egos?  somehow we have to take solace in the fact, we control nothing, absolutely nothing, especially the actions of other people, for me the key is to knowing that they were imprinted much different than me. maybe I should just cry and get it over with, my heart hurts. it is not fun feeling helpless, but it is reality. We only have the potential to control our own reactions and perhaps re-align our emotions through lots of work, work in not letting them  become who I am.  that reminds me of brother gilbert and how easty he is to be pushed into negativity.  Nobody said it was going to be easy, I can attest to  constant battle, it helps to align it with hunger and eating.

you see our body tells us to eat, whether we need to or not, just as our emotions tell us to flee or fight, whether we need to or not. the key with both, it to feed yourself what you need, either healthy food or healthy thinking.

RIP Tim Lee Johnson