no really I do, I do care. I feel peoples pain, their anguish as it was my own.

that is called empathy, the degree is varied, as with the care, so Jimmy crack corn and I dont care.

THAT little song helps to reinforce my outer exterior, my shield.

I am a sensitive monkey. it is true, on the other hand, I am a realistic monkey too. I was reading Jackie purcells post one time, and one of her friends was asking why she never likes her post?

Jackie is a newscaster from Alaska and also an Alaskan Native, which I had no clue, lots of us whitey Natives. I have lots of people who never have liked my posts, and some that do occassialy and a few that have no qualms posting a LIke fur me 🙂

I very much appreciate these ones as they are few and far far away galaxy in between.

I have had my ups and downs over my facebook years to  my “russian experiment” in which i was friending russians and Ukrainian people to get a feel for their lives.  they are a lot less likely to share personal info, eventually I deleted all these russians,  with all the people that I thought did not care for me in the least, the non posters, the non answerers, with the people that also posted something negative on my timeline, which is almost an instant block ban unfriend move. I said I was sensitive. did you not listeN?

I am actually a good listener, the problem? as I am listening my pie hole keeps churning shit out:/

ok, so me daughter is coming to town, I am getting the feeling she is deathly afraid of me, like I am some serial killer or a monkey with fangs. these parent child relationships are very important to me, my whole of existence really? I want to be of help, someone who they gravitate to, not fear. I feel everything is going according to plan, even if I do not like the long arduous path it seems to be taking.  so hopefully I get some daughter time. I try to put myself in her shoes,but the closest I can come is never knowing my grandfathers, except in death, on paper.

you know, I know now how those obsessive boyfriends feel, I think, just cant let it go. I could act as if she doesn’t exist, but I would still always be there for her if she changed her mind. I think of the kids, I think I may be of help in the future, if I live that long..  how could she be so much like me, when she was not exposed to my shenanigans? I have no Idea. I still trying to figure out how to get to know the two oldest ones, B and Reb, they make me smile, just their existence. I just want them to get educations they deserve. follow their dreams, ok I getting mushy, let me move on.

so I  am getting some leads, trying not to give away too much free information.

I had  also found out another childhood comrade who has passed, Donna Moody, my best friend’s sister, until I slept with his wife, while he was in the other room, maybe 10 seconds, ruined that friendship for life. I have confessed on here before. You know I never though of myself as a cheater, but in reality, I did it more than a few times, and except for a few times it was mostly one/two/ or three night stands.  Young dumb and full of cum. I sed it.  I had a such a different mindset, I was looking always looking for validation? that I was a worthy human? not sure what drove me,but i do know, not too many women were off limits at closing time.