This post will be all over the place, been thinking again.

First let me say condolences to the Roberts family, with the passing of Margaret Roberts who was a cousin of mine from Kodiak. she is the daughter of Ron Fadaoff, my dads first cousin.

Ron lived in Uganik bay, he had quite a nice house and setup, his life partner was his cousin Justin, she was a Komm, also my cousin, I wish i had gotten meet all these people I read about, or research, some tough lives some spirited existence and lots of tragedy to go along with it. I wish I could give them a big hug, not one of those turn you back on them but a full on hug them. I used to love to hug people, now I dont care, or like Jimmy crack corn and I dont care, maybe its because I am getting old and ugly  🙂 I know I shouldn’t let a few weird hugs ruin my hungging, perhaps I am weak, I just know, 90 percent of the time, you can tell people like to be hugged, I do, just dont like to be touched:/

Ron and Justine had ducks, one was named quackers, cant remember the other one, just remember one died, I had written a letter and they wrote back that one had died. wow I wish I had that letter. now we have email.

its rainy out, just made it back in the nick of time.

Lets get serious for a min. if you are not aware of it. you should be.

Self awarness is the root of all troubles, or lack of.

So when I hear someone spouting, or even posting, saying, singing about what they think is wrong with our world, or others, I know it is their own demons, or fears or whatever.

Ok that is a lie, maybe it is some other demonic devil child eating disease, but I do know it is true with me.

Everything I post is about me, my fears, wants or Ego inspired rants, even here in my little cave. The biggest hurdle for me is being able to take the blame for all my thinking, all my action, all my words. it is easy to forget.

Let me put it this way, maybe clearer, maybe not. all these lines on my face getting clearer, I hate to shave, I look old, I can see every wrinkle, every scar, yet I push on. because I look other people too.  I have a flock of quail in my yard right now. they are such a goofy bird, I cant believe I want to eat them and admire them at the same time, I am a walking contradiction.

Ok so I feel like we act out in words or ways, because of all the things in our lives we CAN NOT CONTROL, it is an endless list, I see some people getting caught up in peoples words from thousands of years ago, me included, they may be a good guide, they in no way can be “thee guide” except the ten commandments. If you study religion, not the bible, well yes all of them. The Scholars, present day scholars find discrepancies in the texts, there are many, too many to list, it makes it an easy brain washer, I mean for one thing, it is very confusing, to say the least, what they were trying to say, and  some of them 400 years apart. The sad part many parts can be used to control and manipulate others.  we all want to belong and feel like were part of this world in some way.

o am i rambling again ahhaha yeah hard to think.  if its not enough for you to believe, and be a good person, to love everyone, to try and improve this world, to be virtuous. When you know your not really about this, you will be in conflict, when you put money above all else, and we can not blame people, we are imprinted with this thinking, we know it is wrong, yet we continue to pursue that lifestyle, when I see preachers in jets, I cringe, what is that saying, while people starve. I cant not even listen, especially when they go off script and start pushing an agenda. God resides in everyone, even the atheist  no believers, perhaps the god of chance, this spectacular great earth and all of its living creatures. We are interrelated, we are all the same particles, we are one big glob of the same. We humans have a frontal cortex, this is our difference between the apes, dogs and chipmunks, some even have less brains. The problem is variations in our pre frontal cortex, and our childhood IMPRINT.

Sorry, but watching another course on the brain. let finish this sermon with.  Jesus died for our sins, why was this such a splendid thing?  because our lives on Earth have great value, we are of value , life is value, otherwise, why would it be a great thing, if Jesus was not sacrificing anything, after all was he not going to heaven? I have read that jewish people think earth as  hell. or heard it not substantiated. I think our lives are a gift from God, I think the next leg of our journey begins in the outer reaches of our Universe, but this life is a gift to cherish and be grateful for.

ok so I have been effected by a recent happening in my world, well not MY  world, but a part of my being, as are all those I have encountered.  My brothers brother in Law, not sure if that is the correct words, dont want to be shamed for not using the right words, anyway, he has gone missing. Tim Johnson is missing, he went missing from his moms house in Canyon Country California, where I grew up, well mostly grew up, if you call what I am now grown 🙂

So I have done my own investigation. well it is just a facebook investigation from what I can read. I think the family has blinders on, not sure. first let me give a background on Tim, he is a good person, not criminal in the least, he is good. He grew up with a step dad, one of my favorite people in this world RIP Wayne KING.  Tim was a worker, he was ambitious, he always drove nice cars, wore the best clothes, and had the fastest prettiest boats. he ran a successful painting company in SC,  he lived the hollywood Cali lifestyle with all the dressed up people and fancy clothes, his God was the God of wealth, I can not lie, I was a little jelly of this lifestyle, even thought I know I could never pull it off, but just a taste, a small taste. he had a mansion that he had custom built, sold for huge profits, he shot porno movies in his luxiouris crib as a way to survive the crash of 2008, bravo to him!

So Tim had called me when he was getting his mansion in thousand oaks for sale, and I was more than happy to head over to help, but he decided to hire a cheaper local amigo, my life story, competing at the bottom. So I just tuned out after that, I heard snippets, but nothing concrete.   He had moved to Idaho, EYE The HOE, that will mean more as my story evolves. So he had this big deal in the potato state, build Condo’s, which is all an well, but the problem is city hall on Commercial projects, they require and Architect, and that my friend is very expensive, I have been quoted as much as 25,000 for a mall tenant improvement, ridiculous, but it is the law. So that was his biggest hurdle,  at least in my eyes.  I could have really helped him, but never heard from him again, and we had a mixed past, but I loved the guy, he was always the cool cat with all the stuff, I worked for him for about a week before he fired me for painting a living room with bathroom paint, but he did teach me how to roll walls and cut trim, well kinda, you can only teach an orangutan so much in a week.  Tim was hot headed, but no fighter, he had gotten cute with m eat a party in sand canyon and I punched him, I was a dick. some say i still am, but nothing like as a newly imprinted cub.

I really wanted to help him, anyway. …   So he goes up there and here is where my facebook investigation begins.

he bought a huge MOtorhome, a monster, a small fortune. I da hoe did not fair well for him. His family was not letting him in, or something went haywire, perhaps when the powers that be became a big obstacle, I can only speculate.

He moved back in with his mom in Canyon Country.  I had heard about this when I went to visit me brother in Wash. Tim had become depressed, despondent, and was having temper tantrums, not new with Tim, but he was not a violent person. he was destructive to “things”  I am told. Hearsay.  all this is hearsay, as it is my facebook investigation.

ok I have to go on a bid, I will be back to finish. I have to do more pc work today. more wasted gas, I decided not to bid this job, but he called today. I dont want to be a dick, so I waste my money to go look at a job I dont want, I know I am dumb sometimes. O well.

Damn dog ate my new shoe inset and chewed up the heel.  little monster ;/

IM BACCKK, that was a nightmare and a waste of gas, so I show up and there is a plumber there, the starts right off with political bullshit, that is what I am talking about, something not right in his life. So this is at a church too.  he is rambling on about commies and how Donald Trump is a great person, Donald Trump is a God.  I never met this person before, but he went on and on, I truly resent the lack of respect these sheep people have for anyone who doesnt think like them, he went on to say, how evil abortion is and how the preacher and the guy hiring are also against abortion. well I have no skin in the game, but I wonder if his daughter was raped and would he keep the child?  maybe he should have been more focused on his work, he was flooding a small trench with water, way too much and it was creating pockets where you couldn’t tamp it down, which will eventually settle, he then went on how he had 38 years experience in masonry. I thought he was a plumber. low ballers. nightmare I have to get some bids out today. where is my Alaska job?!?

ok back to time and my investigation.

Ok so where was I, so Tim is in his Moms house, Tammie my sister in Law tells me, they do not know what to do. my only advice is to play hardball, he was throwing fits wrecking her house, there is something wrong, this is not the Tim that I would expect, but I know nothing and have not seen him in over 10 15 years, since Wayne “Tiny” King died RIP, man I miss that man, he gave me the straight scoop, so rare these days with all these pussies, no spines, well except my brothers, they give me a smack a doo, not literally, they mostly stand up. pussy footing around, fucking sick of guessing what people want, blues clues, I shut down when I am blues clued, or some try the dumb reverse phycology bit:(

ok back to my investigation. So last week, Tammie tells me, Tim has disappeared, he vanished and left his truck and phone in the Auto zone parking lot. That was 11 days ago, so I started to read all the post. Just soaking them in. so many fake people posting, that could care less about Tim, but they “act” like they do, here is one post, This crackers, says, “Tims Mom and Sister have all his money” , that post is now gone. so the lady that posted that has at least 2 profiles with different names, anyway, how, why and what relevance does his money have?  So.. there is more to this story than is on the surface.  take a look at this picture of Tim before and after…

The far right is how he last looked, looks to me as he is on Meth, face picking has long been associated with Meth, perhaps mental problems too, but not sure if that seem right, depression, I have heard of cutters not pickers, there is a mental disorder where they pick there skin,  but with the erratic behaviour, my money is on Meth, such sad eyes. The other potential key in this case is his ardent hate of the democrats, publicly and as loud as an M80, so my observation is that he is dead, unless….. The relationship with his family would be key, were they terrorized by him, was there great hate or animosity? IDK

this is his nephew and a friend, I am just speculating by the looks of the tats and the finger, simulating a gun to the head.

Tim ran with a fast and loose crowd, porn, stippers, will always have a gangster affiliation, they like to work the girls. get that money.

also who did he talk to right before he disappeared, was his phone at the house, or in the car? did he carry it like  a purse? or just leave it willy nilly laying around? I would say to post in the shit  paper the signal to ask for help, you cant even find the santa clarita post. see below. anyhoo, Praying for him.  hopefully its just a hiccup in the road. well that’s all folks

here is a post of him missing. IDK this is all just speculation and hearsay.  prayers for his Mom, she deserves a good finish is this life of ours.


ok back to work;/