Huge difference, from my perspective, of love something or just being loving, or madly in love, I am still in love with my wife, I love my children, that seems simple, right?

here is where it get tricky, when your visiting say, Instagram, they dont have a like, sign just a heart, no I just think of it as a like sign, but there in lies the problem, maybe the recipient thinks, I am madly in love with them? kind of creepy right, who falls in love sight unseen, they may not even be real, true story, when I first got into computers about 1995, the internet was infantile, compared to that of today’s point and click technology, there were no pictures, you could get a stock image as your persona, anyway, I confess to playing different roles, as it did not seem real, not like today’s Images, although there are lots of fake profiles, but back to my communication post, at least what my thinking has progressed to.

when the whole Facebook and came out and the world was opened up, really opened up, I learned how to search, people, and anybody, I could think of in my past, I searched and found most of them, family, school mates, even enemies, well perceived enemies, or at least not in the same group, I dont think I have any “enemies” but sometimes I can put blinders on, good coping mechanism, anyhoo

I was on a friend quest, and request anybody and everybody, that I ever knew, and even people that i did not know, like the Russians, I was interested in how Russians saw the world, they seem the same as us, only poorer and a little on the shady side. they grew up a little harder, but they too have the yachts and the fun life, that we some time envision as a happy life.

I was careful not to include friends children, but thought that family was ok, but have since darkened my view on even family, unless, I actually have met them and think they like me, I have become somewhat of a mess after finding out I was a father for 35+ years, my whole world changed, not for the worse, but kind of had me spinning out of my control, yes I have a way of trying to force things, maybe slight but the whole thing of the Serenity Prayer is “God Grant me the Wisdom, to accept the  things that I can not control, well that widow, does not come as easy as just saying prayer.

I was stuck in a cosmos, and all of a sudden, I had 2 familes, but still all these other “family, that  seemed to be care less about me anyway, I know it was all about me, I was going through lots of emotions, to even write about it now, makes me wonder what the hell?

my little brain, thought everyone would be happy for me, even my sweet Mary, we would join families and live happily ever after,  I was thinking how nice it will be for Richard, Sarah and Johnny to be uncles and Aunts, I mean I would, but they are very different people than me, this part is main a state of mind thinking, as the whole covid thingy is also a part of my mindset

So I have these genetic grandchildren, and they are not that to me, I do love them and their Mom, but I can not expect them to return the favor and any expectations’ are purely on the hopeful, and things have been promising. I still feel some things that I do not understand, and know that I may never gain full acceptance, but even what I have gained is worth any mental anguish I put myself through, My main hope for the future is to somehow be a helpful part  or at least a supportive cheerleader, and if I am lucky one day to be accepted a  grandfather to them, they have so many life experiences, the oldest one, B might be graduating this year, but I have not clue, I am more than afraid to meddle or poke my nose in as I am somehow entitled, yet hopeful that eye yam.

but this piece is not about Me or them, but more about how people can get a communication glitch in how they perceive someone else, it is very easy to do, as I am learning from my current college  courses, one of which is phycology, not actual ones, but recorders ones on Great College courses. I know that I do tend to click the love button more for family and friends on Facebook that the like button, but that is my love of all people and has nothing to do with in love, or even that I love them, but I do try to love all of humanity, that is very hard to do, but make an attempt, most times it is about feeling their pain.  I do love all family, just for being a part of my gene pool, after all, I am an ametuer family historian, and do relish learning about my past and my family’s past, I love the people I have never met, that are long since dead.  but somehow, my exuberance, especially when I see such interesting and fun things have been misinterpreted as some kind of creepiness.

I know that i Have no power over how people perceive me, but I can tell you that most are wrong, YES, when I was younger, I perhaps had some kissing cousin dalliance,we shall call them, but dumb and full  of *#! I now kinda racy  talk, but I will never be a saint, even though I aspire to be a better more understanding person, I am still that scared little child wondering when God is going to pull the plug on me.

I do see beauty in youth, but see it for what it is, fleeting in most people, scoured by stress and time, like  a puppy or kitten, not in the beauty sense, but more in the lifeforce sense. attraction for this cowboy, has more to do with inner beauty and lasting love, than exterior perception, yet I would be lying if  I dont enjoy a visual experience of a  Natural confident beauty, but just a a pretty landscape, well maybe a little better 😉 but I think I was wired that way, for one thing, my wife, gets prettier and prettier every year, we grow, we fight, but we are as one, like kung fu

I have halted my facebook friend adding, adn always on the lookout to delete someone, life if too short to have people who dont like you on your friend list. I can actually say, most everyone on there now, I know and at least think, they not so much like me, but do not have a bad taste towards me, well there are a couple, but so far, they only just saying enough for distrust and not delete. I could care less anymore. I still value family above and beyond friendships, even though they are of the most angst.  that is all folks, just venting, so if you are reading this and you think maybe something was communicated by me was interpreted as being creepy, or otherwise inappropriate, I can assure you, you are either delusional, ignorant, or maybe I hit the wrong button, that does happen, I think, I will see things that say I liked them, when I never did, but that is not a real thing, I know I will alway be misinterpreted, and that is ok, but to spread malicious creepy person bullshit, is just wrong. especially when it comes to peoples kids, it was one thing when we were young in my own generation, but our children are precious, and our children’s children even more precious and not in a creepy way.  this year has been on of most politically nasty, that I can remember, the whole democrat republican sheep fight, has spilled over into other aspects of people lives, or perhaps some people have embraced this norm of malicious lies. anyway, have a great day, hopefully, my darkness will evaporate, I just need to vent, the main thing to know, I know I have not control over how people view me, well unless they bored enough to read this drabble.

in my normal mind, I would not even think people would think this way, but after seeing the last toxic 4 years,  and people use  everything, and the kitchen sink to malinger anyone who does not follower their line of thinking, for me, nothing worse than forcing your thinking on someone else, no matter how right you think you are.

Some people will go back  to your childhood to try and force their way of thinking on people, as we saw brett Kavanaugh, they will use your parents, your brother, sister,  or whatever they need to discredit or and will be offended  for no reason other than ignorance

I can and will say, I will offend everyone eventually, as I see sheep everywhere, unable to think and learn, just follow, we live in a world of followers.  I read something the other day, that said youth of today are 60% less inclined to think of the other persons point of view, compared to the 1950’s