what is an alaskan Native? blood? culture? inheritance? what exactly does it entail?

is that enough questions?

I am at a time in my life, a kind of wtf moment of sorts, All this Native issues, not only, am I Native? I look white, the full bloods say, am I white, some say, no. am I confused? perhaps. The problem arises for me, I was raised as white as can be, I was exposed to some Native culture, not much but some, I lived in Bush Kodiak more than a few years, but there was not much culture, it was Alaskan, no different than most white or otherwise Alaskan lifestyle, I am the end of a long line of assimilation, like when the borg got captain jon luke and was assimilating, so perhaps, I am fully assimilated? I did not suffer at the hand of brutal orphanages, not like the family before me. I have had a charmed life, never been called anything derogatory in regards to my Native genes, as stated previously, i have been the victim of many attacks, but only when asserting my Native rights, or for jobs, but mostly in Alaska, but truthfully this happens everywhere or anywhere good jobs are to be had, well, my jobs were mostly slave type jobs, construction and the sort, but good money at time. How do I feel Native, how to be Native. what give me the right? to have special privilege? do you think that it is special privilege, when Senator Murkowski’s daughter takes his spot on the Alaska legislature? how does that happen? dumb voters? the status quo? not sure. disclaimer, I have no opinion either way as to her worthiness. I am the white Native in my family, that is for sure, blond hair growing up, lightest tan in the family, my sister lightest now, but she avoided the sun damaging wrinkles, not me. I will not age gracefully if at all. I do know that the Alaska Native are still being persecuted to this day. poverty, sexual and physical abuse and not to mention the drinking. I have broken the cycle and my children are more assimilated than I can ever be. a little secret. my dad whom was dark skinned and dark haired, and who would turn dark in the sun at full winter, in kodiak, was less Alaska Native than I am, at least as far as the BIA considers Indigenous people. my mom, way more, than both, yet she is white as snow white in appearance, she did tan more than me, but I got her scandinavian genes, and few scottish ones. I also have a confession to make, and it is perhaps a little bit of a oxymoron, when I get mad a random white people, whom I do not know, I have called them white mfkers, yes it is true, pot calling the kettle black? perhaps, it must be from my father, he had a known h8t of most white people, at least he had no problem voicing his hatred, perhaps the government. I can say i have never said that to someone i have known, well not even to anyone face, but about them in anger. does that make me native? probably not. this has been many years wrestling with this whole issue. This is mostly when in Alaska, as being an Eskimo has more of a novelty here in the desert, except when it comes to getting local Native benefits, then I am as white as snow, except for my BIA number, which follows me everywhere, probably attached to my social, to keep tabs. I know this is all random bullshit, but I can not seem to escape the native issue. No, I am native till they burn my body. the latest thing to come down the pike, my father, is eligible to receive a Native allotment, this is up 160 acres of land, yet to be determined. so far the the locations are useless land in bum fuck egypt. or at least places, that I probably would never build, but perhaps my descendants might, that reminds me, I need to pay the native allotment tax on our other land in Kodiak, very good land, yet divided amongst squabbling family members, who are afraid, they will be cheated out of something, typical Native issues. why cant these lands be used to bring our families closer together? I have not problem building and sharing, we should share our lands, why we can not? greed? not sure. I have half a mind to create my own Native Entity. my voice is muffled at best. ok. im getting garbled for one thing

I have looked at the maps of proposed parcels, none in kodiak and the rest well, not sure on the taxes or if they on the sides of mountains only the goats can reach, but a few nice area across knik river and up close to wasilla and palmer, but the really promising one is on kodiak, near the road system, but I would have to get permission from the state and the Native corporation that has dibs on the parcel. this would be optimal. a nice spot, but perhaps too many want this parcel. I need to get all the paper work in order, the problem, is that if I apply for one, the others may be taken, still time to act, but has to get my shit together, perhaps, i can have access to my ancestral island after all 🙂

ok, can not finish this without a rant about the ways Alaskan Natives are still being cheated out of a way of life, maybe later 🙂