I dare not, I do not, yet I do

My mind is a fickle monster.

I have to come to the big Picture, soak it in, become one with the picture.

that is Nobody wants to be told how to think, how to feel, how to eat, they need to find that on themselves, I am powerless to help the world, it gives me anguish to no end.

I have recently been under siege, my condition, crazy legs, increased calorie consumption, feeling stress, lack of sleep.

So it was time for a reset, that includes a saltwater flush, clean out that Colon, i have done this for years, sometimes year apart, but it always cleans out the tubes. I remember the first time, I was over 200 lbs, probably 210 or so,not my fattest, but fat enough to feel like shit most of the time, except when I was stuffing my pie hole, anyway.. I could not believe how full of shit I was, excuse the pun, but it was an awakening experience, nowadays it is like a good puke, only in reverse:/

The next phase is the water/coffee with cream fast, the hardest part is making it through the first night, but last night went pretty easy, only woke up at 2 am and went back to sleep. I did soak in the new jetted tub for awhile, and went fast asleep:)

My goal is to make it 10 days, at least that is the goal, feels easy right now, feeling better already, need to pump some iron today. I also bought 3 pallets of pavers, well that will be lots of work to do. stay busy.   so what is my prison? you may ask, it is my own mind, turning of my thinker is hard work.

I do it in spurts, they dont last long before old alter think tank chimes in with a new problem for me to solve.

We are all cursed you know.  All of us.. even YOU

This Now book is helping to bridge the gap, to feel and know, I am not alone in my ever thinking mind. We all think we are our thinking, well that is the most ridiculous thing you can think!

we are trapped in our past, we are trapped in our perception, locked into things, from things, that we had no control over; our birth; our parents; our education; our nationality; and race, the list goes on and on.

I had a revelation today, my OCD, which at times I welome as a normal, is just me, taking a break from thinking, yes, it is clear as day. I am not thinking, I am a robot, their is not thought, that it why it comforts, I have made great strides in my own self in the last few years, most notably my acceptance of things I am powerless over; others; life and death; future events; and  a list so large it you could  fill a stadium.

My thinks has been my bane, they call it overthinking, but really it is any thinking that is not needed, that is a big list too.

WE all see the “Crazy people” talking to themselves on the streets, the homeless, the drug addicts, but they are just saying out loud, what we all experience from our own brain.

Now there is a difference living in hunter gatherer times, or even war times, you need to be constantly assessing the situation, not that i was in war, but I think it may be good to think, when someone is trying to kill you, whether it be a wild beast or an enemy soldier:)

where does my anguish come in? I see so many people, suffering, in their own minds, it is a curst, or suffering in life that does not have to be. I would be the first person to tell you, if you try to tell me, how to eat, how to think, to GTFO of here mtfkr. yes that is me, even now. I am still that person, yet I feel a need to spread the word, that if I can find peace, so can YOU.  you dont need drugs, doctor or otherwise. we are under assault from the food we eat and the media baggage of constant bullshit.  we are kept in a state of flux, that is why, I need to forget all this war bullshit, Russia, mask, political bullshit, I have no control over any of it. I am in no position to educate the masses, we are all doomed. I dont even want to, why do i persist, my thinking, my thinking it consumes me.

I can not save anyone, maybe not even my own self. I just want to be left alone……

time to unload some pavers and then go pick up 2 loads of them. Somehow I have to sit by and watch the people I love, eat bad food, suffer their own stinking thinking, and keep my mind to myself, I must detach, as I know I will only create grief for them and me, a shaolin priest in my own mind. when you snap the pebble from my hand….

O hey, took the dogs out today, had a small spill, the neighbor dog was out, he is friendly, but him and sophia decided to play chicken, they both chickens, and trying to bluff the other, anyway I fell when Odie got spooked too, he was on a leash, the lady had said she was sorry, as I hit the pavement, but it was my  own fault, I usually look to see if her dog or the pit bull were out, but today was frantic, Odie ran from Jt, anyway, I hope she does not feel bad, I was too embarrassed, well not embarrassed, but more of an ass. I did fall and wanted to clear the area. Sophia has been more protective lately, she has been racing towards other dogs if they charge, she mostly stays close,  and will listen very good, just need to look before I take off. maybe try doing a double leash operation, as neither her or odie pull much.

And our fair city, extend the bike lane all the way to broadway, nice job!! Kudos!

that is all for today, I have to unload pavers