I got nothing, nada zip.

procrastination? perhaps, but it is wet outside, let it dry out a little

I remember working construction in California, even the hint of rain, we went home, in Anchorage, we would work all day, popping breakers and getting soaked, the worst was in the mud.

blew my knee out pulling weeds, go figure, probably overuse, damn, well I have found the best way to heal is to work through the pain. not much sleep last night, but when it came, I was out like a light bulb.

been having some weird dreams, dreamed of my Aunt Tina, I could only see here through a window, and wanted to go visit her, but did not feel wanted or welcome, that has been a theme with me as  I have grown older.

Back in the days or Richard the  wildman, I would visit anyone and everyone without hesitation as to whether I was welcome or not.

I was fearless, I did see some clues, but as with most things, I ignored them.

I wish I had a crystal ball, but I dont, the only way to really find out, is to go see people, and gauge their reaction to your presence.

One thing for sure, I can always go see my Mom and feel welcome, or my brother Gilbert, My sister in Law Tammie. some of my cousins, not sure which ones anymore been so long.

I am still thinking about my last 20 or so years I have left, if I have them, how to stay alive, and WELL, not just alive, but healthy and happy.

Not worry, but trying not to make mistakes.

I am beginning to think the whole Native path is wasted time, like the Eagles, “I am afraid it has all been wasted time”

sure nice getting a  few sheckles, but really is it not just a hindrance to a happy healthy life?

maybe my story is over, might be for the best, the last of the Mohicans, I feel sad for Alaska Natives in General, it permeates my soul, my being, we are being deleted.

I can only think all this War money could be spent on creating villages, places where Natives can call home, our own Village, a healthy place of Traditional ways, a life where  subsistence has not been stolen. I am dumbfounded on why they are not building on Native land, houses homes. I can only see the money flowing to Ukraine as money lost to Alaskan Natives.

Where is all this coming from you may ask?  well I saw a post on Murkowski and celebrating the purchase of Alaska from Russia. I could only think of being a second class American, with my blood quantum number, more like a Nazi tattoo, a label of less than as a human. I see the permanent fund as taking money from the Natives, subsistence for all, takes away from a traditional lifestyle.

I see these Native Corporations as corrupt clubs. My experience with them leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Celebrating she says.  Natives are being cheated. the United States bought alaska for pennies, sucked the gold and Oil out of it and continue to bleed it dry. I want to be a  proud American, I really do, but how can I?

I will never be white, my descendants, yes they will be white, they have a choice.

if you not white, your not right.

hey ok, that is enough of my doom and gloom.

I made a deal with sweet Mary, if she picked up some bird food and rabbit food, I would pull the weeds, so now my front yard is full of birdseed and rabbit food, the kitties love it.

love the creatures of our planet, even the humans.

going to go finish up digging and start laying some rebar today, dries out quick in the desert, going to be a little humid today.

OOO  I Need you loving, guess’s you know its true.