living just for dying, dying just for you, that is a black sabbath song, kind of dark, but I never really listened to the lyrics, if is sounded good, I liked it, now.. well it is hard to like and sing Sabbath bloody sabbath, really, that sounds bad, bloody sabbath, dumb kids, will sing anything, well that was as hard as my rock n roll tastes every reached, that quite riot, maybe some alice cooper, but for  me good old southern rock, Lynnard skinard, hhahah , i know bad spelling. Creedence, and I love love Johnny Cash, the man in black. my all time favorite band is the Eagles, growing up it was Bad Company, still like them, but they have limited hits, only like one of forgery’s new songs  “dejavu all over again”  might be rambling, as i have work to do, drafting some plans for a dentist office conversation to livable space, the new AutoCAD is much easier than the draft every line days, but there is a learning curve, which has me doing more learning than drafting, but next time it will be easier, they charge 220 a month to rent or use a copy of their thousand dollar software, a racket, everybody wants their piece of the pie.

On another front, Ancestry has updated thier Alaska Native people and i  found a few more relatives, they are full blooded Alaska Native, that has been a rare find, we have been purposely bred out, that was an actual strategy. So, there are some things I am trying to figure out, what happened to my great grandmother, who was full blooded, and what was she, I mean, Yupik, Inuit or Inupiat? mom says yupik,  but my new lead says Inupiat, which sounds cooler, fancy dancy.
I need to find some work, the damn wolves are at the door again, every month it is the same, get up off your dying ass and get some dough, or give that money to me. ahahhahhahahha no, just kidding, not like that, but we have an obligation to pay for our own way, hook crook or whatever, sell yourself to the devil, or rocknroll

Ok enough meaningless jabber, lets talk stoics, it can be confusing, but it seems to be working for me.

So one of these ancient cats, esipitis or something like that, says,  that the world is full of lying, cheating, greedy, nasty people, but you must go out anyway, he goes on to say, they are that way, because, they do not know any better, that means they are IGNORANT of being a good person, that seems easy, but which is more important to you?

I have to admit, I had been clueless on this whole good person thing growing up, I dont think I was a bad person, well not horrible,  I was a reactor, reacting to my surroundings, my whole life has been one big reaction. sure I thought things out, but not really, for the most part, I had no really good choices in the early years, and it seems nothing has changed, I mean we are in the world we are in, grateful, kina, but not really, grateful for my wife and children, yes of course, maybe not as much as i should be, we are all in this thngy, that we call life, together.

I still am looking at them fucking birds, frolicing around, flying here, there, everywhere, and are we really better off? do they worry, does the whole concept of life and death, scare the life out of us? Maybe, I should just by a bucket of Kentucky fried chicken,  a bucket of popeys, and a bucket of Churches chicken and eat them until I am sick, then get some of the best and worst pizza that I can find, some of the best cheese cake and some blueberry muffins, like my granny used to make, mmmmm mmmm delicous, and dont forget to get some boxes of CApt CRunch, with crunch berries, lucky charms, Trix are for kids, Frosted flakes, and just got hog wild.  see how fat I can get, I wonder how long before my ticker quits, probably make it to 75? well…. really not sure I will make it that long anyway, I still a medical mess, even with eating all the right foods, or at least what, I think is good for me, which still has me eating gluten and dairy, that is my last holdouts, love the milk, but I have gained a few, so switching to some almond milk again, tried some soy, too much sugar, tried some coconut, still too much sugar, and tried macadamia milk, no sugar, but expensive for what you get. right now I a  drinking some coffee, which my youngest child JT got me from Dutch Brothers, love my children, grateful to have him around, I put a spoonful of tumeric and cummin in the coffee, better than taking pills, you feel it right away.

where was EYE

gots to get back to work, my brain hurts, I think I will try to make  some videos this weekend, not sure, maybe for my business

so my idea of being a good person, is to avoid all the bad people, which is everyone, lol.

I used to say, and mean it, I dont like anyone, that has been my mantra for ever, If I did not know any better, I would claim to have made it up.

I have met lots of good people, it is just that nobody is every happy. nobody, they want this or that or something. complain about this that or the other

how do we obtain a pure heart? I got a billion miles to go for that, I too am ignorant, I just want people to stay in thier own heads, I mean get your own thinking straitened out first and foremost, shit, I have no time to worry about the color of my house, if he has weeds or  what car he drives. if your life so shallow,  or are you so perfect, that your more worried about your neighbor problems than your own?

I believe we are just too close to people, back the fuck off, I am not sure, but every time I fly, there are zillions of miles of empty space, why the fuck are we all crowded into these square boxes?

i dunno, fuck it. were all going to die anyway, why sweat the small things, it is what it is.