I know the stoic way is kinda to turn the other cheek, kinda, but you know what? well I am not leader, King,  or an Emperor like Marcus Aurelius, so being able to abide by the whole Stoic way of thinking is our of reach for most of us, I mean, you go into things, and just say, oh  well I must try to educate people, good luck with that, I cant even convince my dog to come. I really like the whole Stoic thing, but really unless, your already well off, or at least have all your ducks in order, good luck with that.  life is not fair, I know, I am a one eyed purple people eater, cancer survivor and currently suffering from thyroid issues, that I have no clue how to fix, except eat little and keep moving. People could care less. I know that. thanks to biden, now I cant even close a job cleaning toilets, and if eye did, I could not afford the gas to drive to the job, not only that, I do have a job, but after 15 years of contracting in Arizona, Tempe decides that you need an architect to do demo or remodel 900 square ft of living space. the ARchitects want more money than i bid the job, the nightmare is happening all over again, looks much worse, I get 2 calls a day of people wanting to loan money, blood money.  The last Architect I had the pleasure of working with told me, to “act like the dog that eye am” they end up costing the customer way more money, fancy fucken stupid walls.

anyway, I did have an epiphany this morning while rollerblading with rhaegar, I have this Stoic thing, I know that my own thoughts are not really my thought, they are my body’s reaction, to my caveman roots. we are reactors, not thinkings and who has the time and effort to figure that out? the chosen people, I found it by happenstance. How can I expect anyone else to realize, we are all just pin cushion people, easy to manipulate, easy to get off balance, if you know the whole stoic trick. I do not think it works for slaves like me, I mean I can be aware of it, but I still have to get in the trenches with people, and they do not play fair, they will eat you for lunch. I am just trying to work for a living, not getting any free money, I just want to do jobs, to be productive, to build things to challenge me, anyway that was it, people do not know THAT THEY DO NOT CONTROL THIER OWN BRAIN, THEY ARE CLUELESS, and if they were aware, well like me, we all have our burdens, who know what life is shoving in their face? I have to be aware of this, and continue to work on my meditation, mindfulness and try to like people, despite their ignorance. I listened to this mindfulness course, and it was so funny, The guy says right off the bat, we are clueless, if we think we control our own brain, we are constantly bombarded with thoughts, IT WAS SO REAL, we are bombarded with our own thoughts, they come in from left field right field third base, pop pop pop, it was so true,  I need to watch the whole series, it has driving and lots of other tips.

poor poor me, poor poor pitiful me..

well just keep pushing ahead, the old saying is still just as true today as it was when I started, its not what you know, but who you know, I know nobody, just want to build and be productive

at least I know, that i known nothing

that my brain is under siege constantly, and true freedom will come from taking control of my own brain