I stuck out today, It was awful, not the end of the world, far worse things can happen, it was right before I was slated to pitch an inning. my focus was no longer on batting, I had gotten 1 good shot for a double on the day, the others should have been played, but I did scor3 three times. love to score!!

Rusty on the mound, had lots of power no control had to tone it down, didn’t help my “team mates, and their negative banter”  the enemy within, I could do a whole book on just team dynamics and why it is so important, the old saying if you do not have something good to say….. well you get the point, some of them are cute manipulators. pesky, non-building tools. just catch and throw the fucken ball rich boy!!

dark again, I know, but that is all me. the darkness looms within all of us, perfect little creatures.

I dont talk about my weaknesses or my failures they are blatant enough, well maybe I say too much, it is your fault for reading this drabble. it is after all not literary assault on anyone, just my dumb thinking, stinking thinking at times. 😉  what would you say if you could banter your truth?

It is not that I dont care what people think, It is just, my freedom of speech, I do care, probably too much, but that would not be the real me.  it would be a false persona, I do that enough blah blah blah, I do have my own burdens, lived with this one burden most of my life, I fall back on it like any drug or food addiction. It has been a bane to me for as long as puberty, I own it like my one eye, it is mine, I know how to get rid of it, but the path is dark, totally life changing, maybe freedom, but at what cost, most likely more than I am willing to pay, so I focus on my base Mental health and my physical health, which it is harmless, I think, been there forever. I have taken the pill route, that is much worse, not sure how people can live on serotonin, I hated it, had to run everyday just to feel normal, but it stopped my OCD. yes I said it. I love it and hate it. it is a tool, like me. My learning has taught me that the serotonin drugs keep people from true love, but what do i know,  I have to watch that one again. who knows where life leads us, only God, he knows…. I just follow the path, that is laid out before me.

so I will be playing in a tournament in 2 weeks, gots to get my pitching down, I do love striking people out. it really bugs me, when they say “let them hit it, you have a defense, when there is no defense, but that is baseball, just dont give me false hope, I will serve up goose eggs to them, make the  plays, your men now!! hahahha yeah just kidding love to banter. I will be ready, I hope or I will skip it. have a small project to do this week, then back to my bathroom project for Sweet Mary