Nothing going on, cold and rainy here in Arizona, well cold and rainy, comparative speaking of course, it goes without saying, yet, I said it ūüôā

nothing new on the conspiracy front, I really do believe it should be a felony for a public servant, to publically lie.

but what does that mean, nothing, I am nobody, well, nobody to them, but somebody to me own self. a small grain or spec of rice in our world, an even smaller spec in the Universe. what I think means nothing, just observation and guessing, thinking, and wasting time, but I like to think about what is real and not real. all i know is that today, I am alive.

well that and I do not like the rainy weather, seems to make me kinda depressed, then I got to thinking, this is the kind of weather, one should be out and about, or inside warming up to a nice fire, or heat stove, preferably after being out in the wet rain enjoying nature and all its splendor.

I was watching another video by dr. Hyman, it was about divorce, how these days, with women bringing home the bacon, most divorces are initiated by¬† the woman, saying, they have money now, and its not about¬† financial motivations. they went on to say that most marriages, are not about being stuck in an unhappy marriage, but more about, upgrading ones status, or seeking to be happier, yet, I learned from other courses, that people will be a certain happy, most of their lives, without change, except for brief bouts with elation and grief, like winners of the lottery, at first, they seem happier, but eventually, they return to their baseline of Happy happy happy, or blah blah blah. I find this to be true, so upgrading without some internal self acceptance of and a willingness to work toward a greater level of happiness, seem futile, like the borg, resistance is futile, you will be assimilated. I really want to go snowboarding, but financially, not a good choice, back in no spend mode, looking for a gig, did get a lead on some gigs, one was in the hood in mesa, a men’s homeless shelter,¬† no way jose. these jobs ok, but you have to spend money just to bid, bullshit ways of paying paper pushers for nothing. they usually have mounds of papers and specifications, that and the last time I did a job in a low income area, I was robbed blind and had to deal¬† with an plethora of homeless scam artist, you¬† see most of them are drug addicts and boozers. the ones that are not, they have lots of programs for families, endless cycle. I say 90 meetings in 90 days, just like me pops said to me constantly, it worked, booze free over 25 years, almost half my life now. I can honestly say, I a much happier better human these days, I still want things, it is part of life’s fun, wanting, but now I try and think if I really want it, or the price I pay for the want. My Ego, well I will always have that, it got me through some tough spots. I have heard people all my life saying words¬† of¬† discouragement, not only that, most people discourage as a normal baseline, they do it subconsciously, not a reflection on you, but a reflection on themselves. People who can know this, to appreciate what this means, will have a better chance at being happy.¬† I love the nike saying, “just do it” and keep doing it. eventually you will get better. do not argue with those who question your resolve, simply accept, they are showing you their own weaknesses,¬† smile and be glad it is not you, but them.

this has been most of my life, yet when I was growing up, I knew I had skills, better than most, I was a winner, swimming, baseball, math, fighting, yes fighting, and that was not overnight, I worked at it, fought, learned, studied fighting, all for nothing, as it was a useless skill as far a money goes, I never had the discipline. Fighting has been useful, or more specifically, the willingness to fight, has become useful, from bullies, which are in many forms. One Eyed Jack. stupid I Know, at my age :/

I am ready to build things, I have realized, I have more than just carpentry, somehow, I have gained plumbing and electrical as well, and a good understanding of HVAC systems.

O O  that marriage things, was saying, people do they want to be doing the same thing in 20 years, in 20 years, I will be 80, hahha, god willing. my mum is turning 80  this year, well next year, july.

I feel she is in danger. Covid, and the Omnicom, has no protection with vaccine or booster, weaker, but she has issues.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH i WANT  TO HELP, PEOPLE WILL DO WHAT THEY DO.  I will say this again, if you tired all the time, have things growing inside of you, are fat as a hog, you can change and lead a happier healthier life.  IT ALL is in your HANDS.

EATING is so ingrained in our happiness, when eating is your happiness, that is problematic, how can you be happy? fat dumb and happy? the worst part, nobody cares enough to tell you the truth, if they even knew it. booze is killing you brain. just like marijuana is keeping you happy being, unhappy.

I know what a prick. these are all things that I said to myself, and are not intended for anyone else, I know I can never drink again, and week, although, soothing me brain and keeping my stress thinker down, keeps my growth at 0, zilch, nada, nothing. I do want to try some mushrooms, their is a new study that it promotes brain neurons, that¬† new synapsis, I need those, who doesn’t need more brain power? I feel that, I am as smart if not smarter than I have been my whole life. The main reason? I have now been able to put external stimuli “others” in the perspective they deserve, they are simply¬† expressing their own shortcomings.¬† My experience with “Educated humans” is that after getting thier degrees, the growing, learning stopped, and¬† book smart, emotional smart, go hand in hand, like “love and Marriage” you cant have one, with the other, I remember that show, I was fishing, living in the bush, so had little TV exposure for a few years, not TV in the bush or on boats, anyway, I first saw it at my brother Tollak house, Al bundy, funny show, they were a hoot.

hey on a good note, some fish coming my way,  also a check, but actually looking forward to the fish, hopefully it a big batch. I wish I could afford it all the time. maybe when I win the lottery, I will sign up on Peterson plus, subscription plan. I wonder how much 50 100 pounds? 20 even would be sweet, nice to support small Native owned business, I just wish they would start selling dried fish, price could be way better and shipping cost a lot less. I have not Idea why the dried fish industry has not taken off, like beef jerky, much healthier and I love the taste too. the problem with jerky, is they put sugar in it, so why even sell a healthy product then put poison in it? this could be a great industry. Vegan, only fish eaters, hiking, hunting, or even those people that are preaching gloom and doom and packing there shelter with MRE meals. or the military, packs in protein and light to carry, but nobody is going to make some dried salmon for me. it does not even need flavor, it already has enough flavor, just add pepper, light spices, no sugar, no syrup. no poison