this is very hard for me, I am a sponge when it comes to absorbing other peoples vibe, good or bad, I am getting better, taking a mindful approach. You see, the trick is to not focus on one thing, one person, its like selling something, you put it out there and you keep plugging it, until you get the right bloke.

Sometimes it takes ten people, to get to one happy go lucky schmuck, all you have to do is soak up their Karma, soak up the good in people, we all have good and bad, that is why the whole devil made me do it mentality is so popular, we can blame our indiscretions on the Devil.  I prefer to take responsibility for my own reactions, my thoughts are a different story, glommed together over 60 years, they are improving, getting bullet proof is al in mindset. I just can not help wondering why? why? is this the way it was meant to be?

it all boils down to wants, what do I want, nothing from anyone really, fun food companionship, I like to add value, but not at me own sanity or contentment factor.

you will drive yourself bat shit crazy trying to put a why on people, for that you need to look at their whole package, where they grew up, their past relationships, we all have a story, but biggest predicter of problems is in a persons foundation, meaning their childhood. that’s where you get your druthers to live a life on this earth.  Al the ranting, raving, demeaning can not fix a fucked up foundation, it takes real work, a self ass ces mint.  it really is walkabout ourselves. we see the world through our  own glasses, we see other people through our own glasses, to keep thm pure, you must throw everybody else’s assessment in the trash.  I like to look at words and phrases, they give give up the jig, the jig is up jiggzy

I can not help compare the way my dogs look at me, and humans, a totally different look.  night and day, might as well be on Mars in comparison.

I see someone with a  dog, and I know they are most likely loved.  you dont have to do much, feed them and be nice, they will love you unconditionally. why cant we do that?  at least try. I have to admit I watch lots of crime shows, I used to read lots of non fiction, Mafia, gangs, serial killers, all the bad shit that goes on in the world.  The reality is that with most of these killers, they prey on black market people, other criminals. They  less of a danger than our governments, which have the power to put the squeeze on its subjects on a whim, or a covid, or  a war, or a judgment. I guess it is just as hopeless, you cant do anything, make a fool out of yourself, show your true colors, Partisan sheep. maybe blow up  the  planet, that will teach them:)  no but really nothing is possible, yet everything is possible. somehow I have to get my shit straight, none of this bullshit maters to my life.

I think I use this bullshit to further my procrastination, that is a real issue with me, getting enough sperm up to  get something done. hahah ok that was weird, how about getting enough spit saved up to spit. no… how about NO I dont want to, vacillate, vacillate, masturbate, is that the same, um… not really nothing happens when you vacillate, now I dont even know if I remember that word correctly.

I am going to share my biggest problem, I have no gumption in the game, I have no purpose, not even a vague one, O yeah I want stuff, I can visualize the life I want, stoking the fire, catching fish, hunting, boating, sleeping, gathering wood, chopping wood, hiking, swimming, anything but getting involved with sour humans.

I Have no purpose, nada zilch, I just know I have to take care of the one person, who despite all my flaws, many,too many to list, despite all this,she still shares the blankets, well, not really she a blanket hog, I think, at this point, to make her enjoy her life with me is my purpose, and the children, well they all grown up, but that means nothing, look at me, take a good look, I am just a puppy, a old kid, looking for fun stuff to do.

I think we are in a holding pattern, as all looks good in the lives of our babies and mine, we are currently obsolete.

so I need a purpose, I have this one plan, where I become a seal hunter and hunt seals. I want to help, but do I want the pain too? hell no, I wont go.

I have to take a mindful approach to everyone.

My mom is turning 80 years old, unbelievable, I know she has been good about getting the right minerals and food, fish is the key,not fish oil, that is a scam, proven scam.

80, that is 20 years for me, wow, 80, I am not sure I will make it, the Cancer has fucked up my cells, the scans have exposed me to radiation 3 pet scans, the chemo drug, still seems to be in my blood. my brain is like mush some days, maybe dead man walking.

tomorrow we go to Alaska, I think I am going to focus on getting some good pictures, and spending quality time with mom, you know I agree with most of her politics, just not the malice.

we always hate in others, what we see in ourselves, this if  clue.  even when your try to correct yourself. I have to aske myself, does anyone care what I think, I know I dont, as most of these issues dont matter to me. I’ m just trying to pay bills and feed my face.

maybe my purpose is to make more babies, I can do that, although my jizz may have little motility at this  age, so I think a suitable donor is in order, ahahh just kidding, I would if I could, make more babies that is, as many as I could afford. I have 20 years left, at least if my mom and dads longevity is any indication, I know the cancer, but have I told you, I am not only ignorant of such thoughts but also hold delusions of my demise.

I have all these creaks, pains, spasms, aches in my head and neck that is is a wonder I still walk the earth. fuck the doctors, greedy corrupt hospital systems. I would like to find out, yet not really, just die if I am going to die.  everyone knows i love them, as much as I can in this world. maybe I should just bat shit bible crazy and think nothing but jesus and the bible, maybe even start my own church, were all doomed to death and salvation if we adhere to my interpretation of the bible. if you think  like me, or stink like me, you will survive the rapture, the second coming of christ to a neighborhood near you.

O O francis

that is from Car 54, I love that stupid show. that and jackie gleason, why cant they have full season of that show?

i think we are all just influencers, if I advocate anything it is nothing, just think for yourself. if your for abortion, are you for abortion  at 22 weeks? or when the fetus is viable?  if your against abortion, are advocating making a rape or insest victim have a full term baby, regardless of the circumstance, are you willing to make sure all these babies will get a fair chance at life, or just another statistical criminal

is it about life or a women’s right to choose, do you also have the right to choose to wear a mask? are you just following what other people are saying and doing?

what is the price for your convictions?


I  am not a women rights advocate, but I see, I see the problem, how can you say you want equality when you sell yourselves short. stand up and say I am not going to take it anymore, no more makeup, no more high heels, just work boots and a get it done mentality. asses and elbows baby, well except if you sell beauty or the associated product, then you an entrepreneur, but if your on the workforce front lines, strap on some combat boots and git er done. ( ahhah glad I dont proof \read this bullshit) I dare say, I Love  a women that wears the right amount of perfume, that can drive a man crazy, or those high heels, legs baby, look at them gams. or lipstick, love the right dark red lipstick, love it so much I  might even parake of such enhancing of meself if it were socially acceptable ahahhahah just kidding, kinda :/

The one thing that I seek to avoid is arguments, they are a waste of all sanity, the thing is, we dont listen, I dont, when someone wants to argue, I turn my listening off. The fist thing I do is think, how to get out of this, some people want to get you into an argument, it is where the dodo birds prefer to hang out.  people who do not have a creative thinking bone in their body, prefer to argue.

I would too, were I born with limited capacity to think, or worse, become just another parrot of my political party, like the cry of war mongers when the republicans were in office, now its were saving democracy, and spending billions, all the while raking in tax dollars from inflated prices we created.

ok I have to prepare to go to Alaska land of the Eskimo

land of my birth

my indigenous  roots. I have located, well found 5 different tribes