I have a new love, it involves getting out of myself, or more accurelty getting into myslef. not narcisisstly but more like free from thought actions of the others, whom all mean nothing to me.
the crown the people. I needed a littel help from my friends, well aquaintences, it is a fine line, this self examination and self molding of oneself. I have been using mind altering things all my life, the one that I can not tolerate is the booze, me gets in trouble, can not control thy self, or stop driving, fighting or fucking. cocaine cost too much and its a fakery of the brain, coming down hurtful without booze to eaze the pain, same with all the downers, I can not see how anyone does the barbituates, coffee, is just fine, although I drink super strong sludge cups or buzzsaw as they call them in sicktka. no after booze I did whatever it took not to drink. clonezapam was a lifesaver during transision to a sober me, slept like a log, but it will stifle growth. the one drug that nobody talks about can be the long death of you, and me, sugar and food. I did these, and have battled them since, even now I have trouble not stuffing my pie hole. I feel pretty healthy, strong and found my fountain of youth, dancing, dancing the night away. I have been able to just get out there and boogie. they are right the social aspects of life can be most fun. i have been hittng a few hiccups and not socially acceptable, but when I look deeper, nobody gives a rats ass about me. when you look everyone has there own ass to take care of, if that is being jelly or just malicious, so be it. feel the negative vibes and then toss them in the air, they are not yours to keep. I am willing t take chances. all or nothing. but my credo is like a doctors, do no harm. I am dealing with some people who do not know how to be direct. im trying to be fair, yet they want to make me the ugly. I speak not with white man fork toungue, but with yupik truth. The Gods “ravens” will direct me. O O hey so since I been back the raves have shown themselves, but also seen some humming birds and most fantasic was a roadrunner, yeah just like in the cartoons, and one day while my youngest child was driving up, two eagles were soaring high in the sky above him, he never saw them, I felt like anohter OMEN. so I am exactly where I need to be. I do Know I have to find some $$ to survive, usually can get a project, somehow, someway. but as I sit here procrastinating, and trying to get some magic, I know the longer I wait the more desperate I become. I might try some freelance framing or construction for all the commercial shit going on…. what can happen? like the slumlord last year… I wanted to throw that fucker off the roof LOL. yet knew he was armed, never make mistake on their own property, would have never got my truck out in time, unless I crippled his fat ass. lol might sound a little malicious this morning, I DKW i slept good. maybe cuz I have to venture out into the shitty world. or maybe because my keyboard has a bunch of crap on it, that wont clean off. maybe it just me needing to pee. under the sea in an octopusses garden. well maybe I will see some cameltoe today, or just a pretty woman. my mind can work wonders on turning that into an experience. blah blah blah three blind mice see how they run. O on a good note, these bald spots on me head, all have hairs comign out. got most of the guck off me head, I think as does sweet mary, not taking my thyroid meds all summer….. adios have to clean my keyboard, this messge will self destruct eventually.
