I have had it up to my eyeballs like having brown eyes and being full of shit. I realize everyone I know is brainwashed, and happily so. like me only way  way worse. we think we are the smarted creatures on this planet. maybe it is true, but we a bunch of dumb robot people. the big picture does not even include us. there is not answer.  only signing on to someone else’s made up world. we are programed to believe, im dumbo the elephant. O hey, I been practicing this thing where you act like nobody else exist, I mean walking around. is it intimacy if only one person shows vulnerabilities, expose themselves, dark inner reaches only to have the other broadcast it to anyone who has an ear? im sad and old. y try anymore. just  sit back and rot to death. I wonder if I can just eat myself to death, eat eat eat all the worst shit possible gallons of ice cream, pounds of fried chicken, fried vegetables, fried fried everything. how long do you think it would take to kill myself that way? that is more acceptable than smoking pot, or doing cocaine, right? to the pigs of the world, they happy to see you stuff your face until you dead and obese. but smoke some dope, and your king of the evil people. maybe buy my own soda machine, and make my own lemon aid with pounds of sugar. funny how people expect you to be a certain way. their tiny brains seem to think I care what they think of me, it is good when they show judgement, as I know then what they thinks, so now they stinks. sheep sheep beep beep. riddle me this  batman. why are all these unhappy couples living together long after the thrill is gone. religion? sence of duty? love? boring bored maybe it is best to to join the misery.

what are we working for now. everything cost way more, and we make way less, well we make the same, but everything now cost quadruple, and the wages did not even double. this  so people at mcdonalds could make a livable wage? who fuck plans on working at mcdonalds to live? it is a teenage job. when you know in your heart, that it is a cheating heart and everyone else knows too, doesn’t that make you a clown, a fool, a baboon? pigs pigs pigs, three blind mice see how they run. they say it is not the cheaters that are bad, it is the people who say nothing as the baffoon lives blindly in ignorance. Wow such dark thinkings. so alone I drink alone, me and my budweiser, drink alone, think alone, now cause I will never drink again, well maybe if they give me a death sentence. but I dont really like being sick, I dont think I could survive any hangovers. I get a bad enough after effect from coffee, o no Mi addicted to coffee now too, because i’m an alcoholic. so now I cant drink coffee either, addictive personality disorder. wild horses could not drive me away. why not just give up. my shadow will never let me live the life I want to live. forever imprisoned. nothing I do will ever reap an easy life, a good life, so I just have to happy with what I gots. i have not been feeling well lately, even though i am eating kefir and l reuteri yogurs. I feel sick… dying for you.. beep beep im so tired of fighting my skin issues while also being mindful of my own misery, try to ignore that it does not exist like the people walking around, the walking dead.