fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of an englishman. So the Nationality that was the biggest suprise was English and German on my Ancestry profile, I feel this must be the most accurate as it has the most money and databases. I just want to be loved by you. that song hits my heartstrings. I have to admit I am clueless when with that attraction bullshit. I know for me, the most attractive thing in women is…. drum roll….. that they are attracted to ME. that simple. I love to be wanted, to be liked. I have to say this, even if I think they are beautiful on the inside and outside, if they have no attraction to me, it is a deal breaker, waste of time. how do I know, I am pretty stupid when it comes to that. the girl that asked me to dance, that was a clue, but I did just put it down as she was being nice and just wanted to dance, but dancing by oneself is not as much fun, or when there is no eye candy dancing. blah blah blah, so what am i trying to say? O why even talk about this? IDK stupid I guess.. i love to be by myself, yes its true. O O I got to play with a blue heeler today. I got to throw the tennis ball, that was fun, he was fast, his name was trapper. im tired… , she is super pretty. I dont have much to write. im trying to plan my escape, lots of incidentals to get off island, I have not been eating out, instead bought some nice kicks :) I feel like im just going to shut myself inside for the remainder. I just wish i had a grill, I suck at pan frying steaks, either that or the meat here is atrocious. im watching this course by rufus blah blah, and this leader success deal lets me think I will never be that person. no independant minds. someone told me bill gates yaht is in Sitka. I took a picture. im too tsn this world to assimilate you need to be a grumpy old man over 50. im still hoping for something exiting, yet also looking forward to fly like an eagle, let my spirit carry me. be nice to be able to see the blues festival. going to miss some great music in anchor town. I dont why kodiak never has any great music things, maybe at crab fest, but no just nothing. O one of my favorite alaska bands good company, reminds me of my sons music. well dont really feel the journal write, I miss my wife, and being able to snuggle and take a nap. best sleep ever, even with 4 dogs trying to horn in. i should go rollerblading, but I feel down. down down going down down down, fell like im drowing in loneliness, that only she can save, or a puppy. hahahha love puppies, kitties o man they are the bomb. I life babies too, but moreso toddlers walking crawling little humans, life is so precious. i want to make a new baby, my proudest thing is life is being a father, dad. ok im being silly stupid. see i write quite white. so when you are around toxic people, regular people are a real treat. the better of two evils, ok not evil, dont want to overuse that, I do not think anyone on my job is Evil, just… well I have to confess we all broken in some ways, mine I just want to be loved by you, lol or liked a lots. weeeeeeeeeeeeee ok this is it. I think i have drywall mud and painting left… maybe some cleaning washing, not sure how to make it longer than the 4th. Ill never make it to the blues festival. ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppprr maybe i can pick up a job at the new hospital addition in wasilla. or something will pop up. IDK a bird in the hand better than looking in the bushes. focus on finishing this job strong. the spies and lies. im sleepy tired must get some shut eye. for the record I do not hate anyone ever. hell I dont like myself sometimes. so it can be expected I dont like people sometims too. some people are very difficult to work with. I just can not go that slow. or follow a different drummer brain. they say you should not depreciate yourself, but sometimes I do, like the time I jacked my old beamer, on a plastic coolant parts, I did call myself a dumbass and meant it. any sign sign any sign is that the job song where he lets out his hair and says no to the job. riddle me this batman. my favorite thing is hugging my daughter sarah, I can tell she really needs it, and it makes me feel so good that it makes her feel good. I see someone like that daily and want to give her a hug. do you know that dogs like hugs? I can tell. good night maybe have something better in morning, cant keep this mindless drabble up for long. lets see 10 work days left, is that right wow so close yet so far. im going to miss this place. hopefully i can glom onto another adventure
