I am a son, not fortunate in the way of many. I have 3 brothers and a sister. i often wonder how I would have turned out if I did come from fortune. o wait a min. just now remembered something I dreamt. Jack sorenson, he was my friend from about 3rd grade, red head kid lived in the trailer park between saugus high and Canyon high school. I was going to meet him, I wonder if he would even remember me? you know over the years as a kid, I had lots of friends. normal kids hanging out. we grew up pretty poor, piss poor. father was a hardcore alcholic, like me only moreso. we started off with domestic violence, not bliss, ask my big brother. that was my normal until I was ten years old, then I was fatherless, did not see my dad again until 15, when me and my brother gilbert moved to Anchorage, one of the greatest experiences of my life. Pops was working on the pipeline, and ended up in the hospital and they said he would die of liver failure if he did not quit drinking. I have so much to write, I dont know why I write about menial things now going on in my fantasy life. I know not everyone comes from a silver spoon. I can only name a handful of siver spoon friends, one that stands out was mike vogt. I dont know why but us toeheads tended to be drawn to each other. I know that is the rule of most things, you will be most comftable with your own kind. I was the only toehead in my family growing up. my hair later turned auburn? well a brownish, except it gets lighter in the sunshine, i call my eldest daughter sunshine, not to her face, behind her back. she has a sparks that lights up people, wanting to know more, but she prefers not to share, lol. we first moved to hawthorne California, after kelly was born in washington, ma must have been preggers with Alyce, our litter sister, we all call her Sissa. she is a big shot with the state of Alaska. it is funny how a night of good sleep makes you feel. then to resume the soul bashing. So I am invincible to lots of stuff because of my upbrining. things that would bring normal people tears, only amuse me. my biggest fears in this life are something happening to my children, I would protect them to the death. I also know what I do and say, may somehow hurt them, that is the way people are, if there is a way they will find the weakness, like odd todd, thinking my one eye is something I am ashamed of. yeah I can feel like a freak, if I let myself. but it is not something i have control over being one eyed that ship sailed 40+ years ago. I can only have pity on his little mind. Oh sorry the present seems to want to bleed out, lol. we had a turbulent childhood, my first fight was in 1st grade or kindgarten, kicked in the balls by a black kid at zela davis elementry. my friend was Steve benson, he died of a heart attack in phoenix before I got to go see him, kept putting it off we got together on facebook, he was a toehead too. his brother died years before, tough life too. I sometimes wonder how these people can judge people when they had everything, and never got into trouble. I was in trouble my whole life, until I quit drinking, then I just got on the learn to suffer and keep going band wagon, now I am on the suffering is part of life, and I choose my suffering. I really dont feel i suffer, just endure until it is over. thick skin. Ego and wanting is my enemy. my biggest asset these days is my empathy. i have been watching courses again on the great courses, my main interest is history, and philosophy. ok I wanted to write more, but feel I need to rest before the next 10 hours. I am doing drywall work and painting, it is messy, and I am messy, I dont like it, but it is something I am getting a knack for, even with the paltry tools they have. it is a grind, but I know I am making them monies. which is my job. I am a contractor, so to find an employee who actually knows his mission is rare. i hear mostly what can I get, pilfer or cheat them out of, like the saying the boss makes a dime, I make a penny, that is why I shit on company time. these people are growing on me. at least they have some restraint, not the big boy, he sick inside and out, purposely trying to drag me into his misery. toxic brew master. he is an agent of filth, johnny cash says let them be filthy. I can like somethings, yet the filth the real behind the scene… something going on around here what it is not exactly clear. it was a nice break when he was gone. the smoking the body odor and the billions of bugs eminating from his pores is not the worst part it is the contrant droning of filth that eminates out of his pie hole. i dont harte him, I could like him if not for work. just as aquantaice, but never working. if ever you decide to go there, its not 7 bridges road. lets have a day
