• I’m going to die. So what difference does the future of the world matter? IDK sometimes  I think of young coley, my niece, she was saying we are all doomed, doomed. As individuals it is a given, what about mankind? How long will the sun keep us alive? I think humans are like cockroaches, even after world war 3 they will survive. Radioactive humans. We are like roaches, so don’t you fret about mankind. I’m really in a funk, starting to hate everything and everybody, maybe I just need to wipe the page, start fresh. Reject everyone go into seclusion leave everyone, they sure as hell are no help to my mindset, I really want to start bitch slapping people again. No not drink, that not an option, give them the business for their bullshit. Sure maybe hail, but the mother fucking lying bitches are slandering me with dirty lies exaggerating things that happened decades almost a half century ago. Even as far back as childhood years. Yeah I’m having a moment, this ass sucking job paired with relentless slander, contempt they can’t hide, false love, how stupid do they think Eye am?  Ok so that was my rant, but this story was not intended to share my life angst, only to provide my conviction, we are all under mass manipulation that started before we were born. Ask yourself what makes YOU different than millions of germans? Oh sure your smarter not you, well if you think so your as dumb fuck as there is, and the further you are “educated” brainwashed the more you buy in. We are preordained by our own family upbringing. So what? Really so…. There is nothing you can do about it, nada, zilch, cry cry cry. Get a tattoo that says I care more about the democratic party than my own family, or I think Trump is akin to jesus christ super star the greatest man to walk the earth, who was thait ghandi ? You know it sometimes surprises how I can write this vitriol shit. My emotions are all irrelevant, actually a hindrance to my own contentment. I do like people, good people, but most act good, but are far from it there wear lying faces, they are bursting with negatives. They can not hide their own lies. Am I one of those, yes, I think so. Not in the fakey like you, I really want to like people, I do I swear. And I really should appreciate the ones that are outright contentious of my existence, they say I don’t like you, good I don’t like you either, but I have to make money to feed my face, or sell my face for a cot. What’s the difference, nada. Maybe I’m headed down a bitter lonely road, but fake love is no love. Sometimes I feel like it a big joke as a farse. No the germans, are, were some of the smartest humans on earth, scientist, yet when asked to exterminate Jews, they did it.  Just as Genghis Khan slaughtered village after village, women children included. So what that’s not me I care about everyone and even starving Africans, how much of your own money you sending to Africa? Are the Jews now above the moral fray? Boot on the throat of a displaced people.  These are not the people, it’s the government in control, like ours, who succeeds who doesn’t is governments role. They write all the rules, and can endorse them without retribution. Of course I’m making all this shit up to waste time, my life and tick tick dick, your time is coming to an end.

I will never have peace in my current perdicament, not here Arizona anywhere. Maybe I’m just like my mother maybe I’m just like my father, I guess, if I can’t break free from my own chains, how can I expect my children to?

I’m thinking of joining a gym, but wasted money if I don’t partake, but maybe I can sleep better. I really want to hit the heavy bag, but know brain health comes from lifting and 🤔 thinking

So it’s not pot belly, he just someones tool.

Will I ever win? 😂 I know I have already won, my children love and respect me, almost to the point of overkill, but I will never live up to their admiration, the new babies, well they still making up their minds if I’m just a waste of human time. My hidden ones are still in hiding, got help me.