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Richard on the Side2020-12-29T08:48:37-07:00

looks like jobs are picking up, about time, well at least have a couple small gigs,

I think I have gotten lazy, not working, I know I need to get out and hustle, I did the bathroom, and that was torture, working in our Own house, and me not liking tile, or many of the things that i did, but it is done, well mostly. what a great shower, and actually turned out pretty nice for a rookie, yeah, still some cosmetic things and still have to run some conduit up the wall from the electric panel, perhaps next week, on a cool day, the attic get baking, looking forward to some trips, we going to North Dakota, Denver and maybe even the Seattle area, We were going to a CAl weekend, but might put that on a shelf, I really want to try out my surfboard, but that can wait, let see how work goes, need to make some dough [...]

poison in, poison out

So, I had set my post to private, but after a good sleep, decided it is better or left on, my reason, it makes me angry to be portrayed as some lecherous internet troll. Yes, I can not control what people think. I have not always chosen forgiveness over confrontation, yet it is the only path for my sanity and well being. The Evil will eventually die, Evil is as evil does. The trick, to defend myself without naming names, yes I know the sources of this slander, those who perpetuate, often under the cloak of an angels wings, it would do me no good will, to join in the same game. I am still a father, and it is far better to be that of a forgiving person, than one that is runs on envy, greed, revenge or whatever fuels their black hearts. For [...]

love or in love? what is the difference

Huge difference, from my perspective, of love something or just being loving, or madly in love, I am still in love with my wife, I love my children, that seems simple, right? here is where it get tricky, when your visiting say, Instagram, they dont have a like, sign just a heart, no I just think of it as a like sign, but there in lies the problem, maybe the recipient thinks, I am madly in love with them? kind of creepy right, who falls in love sight unseen, they may not even be real, true story, when I first got into computers about 1995, the internet was infantile, compared to that of today's point and click technology, there were no pictures, you could get a stock image as your persona, anyway, I confess to playing different roles, as it did not seem real, not [...]

sweet Mary, Sophie, Rhaegar and me at Canyon lake

we got a plastic kayak at Dicks Sporting goods store, heavy but very safe, Mary first time kayaking, she had fun, our biggest problem was the dogs,  at first, both of them went on my board, all was fine and dandy, until sweet mary got the hang of her kayak, she got too far away, and created some great anxiety for our dog Sophie, who, despite not liking the water, jumped in and swam toward sweet Mary, well, Rhaegar may seem like a big and tough German Shepard, but he loves Sophia, and so he jumps in too, that pretty much summed up the rest of the day, dogs crying and jumping toward Mary, and Rhaegar crying for Sophie, a viscous cycle, we decide next, time not dog, I will take the dogs on my lone trips. Nice 80 degree weather, the  lake water was [...]

happy Sunday

well, got nothing to say, let see if I can force something out if I just start typing, like hiking just go and the rest will take care of itself. I am still ini the realization of how much I do not control my own thought, or emotions, I have come so yet, have so far to go. One thing that they Stoics portray as their root of theory is to be one with nature. I see that as all the creatures of this planet, the birds, bees, dogs, cats, wolves, eagles, and even the unwanted.  We were given reason, the ability to reason, now all these other creatures, were to in a limited way, compared to us human beans. lol If we Act impulsively we are acting like the animals to witch we claim superior intelligence. yeah not working, how about dogs, let me [...]

growth pains and dog fun

yes, growth either muscle, mental, or relationships takes work and can be  painful, but the lack of is stagnation, or worse atrophy The Key is moderation and thinking before acting, and perhaps a good journal to vent on 🙂 Yesterday, I took the dogs to canyon lake, its about 1/2 hour drive from out house, I had no idea, how things would go, for one thing, I had not tried the paddle board, except in the pool, but it was good and buoyant.  I forgot to take their leashes, so I used some line (rope) to keep them "leashed" unfortunatly, Rhaegar almost choked sophie to death, back in the truck they went, I got the paddle board positioned in the water and retrieved my 2 canine freinds, luck for me as soon as I jumped on the paddle board, on my knees, they both jumped [...]

lifelong learning how to live

That was a quote from one of the Stoics, that was very important, but it should of read, learning how to live a happy life, you know what they say happy wife happy life, behind every successful man is a woman, pulling the strings, what about if they not successful? what then, still the wife's fault?  Maybe if he is a child without free will. We all have a choice to make in life, and the most important, to happiness or success, however we measure such things, the people you have close to you in your life, can be the catalyst to a good or bad life, yet the fault does not lie with them, We all have free will, free choice, yet you hear about the wife with the abusive husband, controlling with monetary or social, economic or whatever it happens to be, they [...]

growing old, but not mold

Ok, so I have embraced this stoic thingy, called phil os o fee, but as I said, I am not  giving up on God, I mean, who do I cry to, when times are bleak? who will I think is walking me through my life journey when times are tough, and they will always fluctuate, as long as I can breath, no I refuse to give my my Belif in God, and God had given me the Christian religion, well the Russian orthodox, then the Episcopal, and now the new "All in Agreement" Christianity, whereby, it takes all things in agreement and throws out anything not, so pretty much the Ten Commandments.  I still find it ignorant for One christian faith to attack another over beliefs, always will. I remember reading all the booklets condemning the Catholic for their practices, the list goes on and [...]

dont know where the hell that last one went, let me try one more

Ok, so this stoicism has been on my mind, my latest class, was centered around, not just knowing this philosophy, but practicing it, faith without works is, blah blah blah, sorry forgot the words anyhoo reacting as apposed to digesting, that is the theme, it is so true, I have been doing this my whole life, reacting, reacting, my growth has been centered around this, but my whole upgrade since AA has been flawed, let me explain: AA teaches you that we are flawed and we do make mistakes and have these resentments, so we are to admit when we are wrong, which are often the results of reaction. someone gives you a dirty look, you grimace or return the favor, right. let me see,  I need a better analogy.. The AA system, in which I have been a part of includes, yes we do [...]

wear was eye?

I got confused by all the stoicism going on around me, not This whole stoicism, rings true and in line with how my thinking has evolved over the years, well except the atheist part, that my friend is a little hard to swallow, especially if it is true, we are just figment of some being  existence, happenstance of sorts, might as well be an illusion, but it is more important is what a person chooses to believe, right?  That  is the whole crux of our existence, perhaps the thing that makes us human. I am pretty sure my dog, cat or a wild coyote, has no opinion on the afterlife,  a diety, or religion or anything other than the here and now, or perhaps a scooby snack. my brain hurts, 🙂  It is far easier to just follow the leader,  religion that was given to [...]

welcome to my new host: dream host

That leads me into my first story, dreaming, what are we dreaming of? I see dead people, well they alive in dream, but their time has passed, this week, Don Vinberg, I fished for him on the Dee Donna J, best fishing ever, best Capt. and crew, my dad was on the corks, Norman Kasheveroff and Mike Cash were in on Deck, I was the skiff monkey, with a prodigal son Randy, something or another, his dad was some big shot skipper, as I recall, The s0ns of the skippers, were often the elite fisherman, never longing to get on a highlander, but born into a solid fishing career, perhaps as some of my family, my brother Tollak, was born into the Carlough regime.  These fisherman had fishing in their veins, but the sons of Captains, like Dj and Randy, very hardcore fisherman, I remember [...]

is it generational or or older people irrelevant?

Crazy old man, that is what I will be if I live to be a hundred, that is for sure, but at 58, and  spry and healthy, can it be the perception of me now? How far out can I be, for me, it is a question of, to be or not to be I am a baby boomer, We have generations of family alive right now, from the baby boomers  to the current generation of Gen Alpha, wow so many Generations, I thought my father was from the baby boomers, but before us there was the Silent Generation, maybe because they made the Natives, silent, not sure, it also incudes me mum, and well she not silent, but she does not know of lick of Native and she is almost half, my sister is in the Generation X, My children are all  Millennials, I [...]

Its A Miracle Pill, or is it?

I grew up pretty much ingesting any drug or drink, that I could get my hands on, including PCP, crank, cocaine, and LSD, thankfully for me, I was too poor to be able to buy them on any regular basis, and except for beer, never got hooked, but  when I quit drinking, I learned that pills can help ease the  stresses and rigors of life, I actually used a pill when I successfully was able to quit the sauce, once and for all, this was prescribed by a doctor. It worked very good, although, I never actually drank, once I started taking it, it was not anti-abuse, as that may not have worked, and would  been more of a challenge, but this was my successful, to this day AA adventure, I had tried before, but never did the 90 meeting in 90 days, and it [...]

fond memories of Kodiak, the Emerald Island

Kodiak, had become a kind of refuge over the years, the best of times, the worst of times, actually mostly the best of times, what adventures I have had on that magical island. from our first experiences of set netting in Uganik, with my parents to fishing solo with my pops, and another trip with my brother tollak on a submarine type craft, they called it a jitney, it was pretty much just a power skiff, with a shell, but this story Is more of the characters along the way. Ted Pestrikoff, lived in a small cabin our in Uganik, his home now owned by others, he rowed us home, when pops went to the cannery, that is a nice journey for an older gent, but he people of kodiak are not of the same breed as normal humans, more like suped up humans, fisherman, [...]

what eye am up to? 5’10 1/4″ still….

Well I got the jOhnson and johnson vaccine on 3.31.21 about 2 weeks ago, time flies when your having fun, looks like they recalled it, or paused it, I did notice, my smell had become blunted, yet I still smelled the dog, I have an acute olfactory sensory system, so it was a little discerning, but it is back. Most of  the effected by the blood clot deal are younger women, so not a big worry, be the shits, if I died from a vaccine to protect me from a perhaps benign virus, at least to me, perhaps, not sure. But all is well in my health world, as long as I eat little and exercise, my symptoms seem to be abated, perhaps, one day I will find the right doctor or test to pinpoint my medical issues, oir I will just suddenly die... that [...]

who can we trust, Trust In God

I have to admit, I trust nobody on this earth, I know that is dark and kinda sad, but true. I also know that I am perhaps a fool to share such a thing.  Maybe it is what I get, my penance for a life devoted to the pursuit of fun and happiness. My question to myself, what do I need to even trust anyone with? well that is the point, I really have nothing to need to trust anyone with.  My problem? self created for sure. my problem is that, I see people, I see them for what they are, for what we all are. We live in these shells, confined within these bodies, with so much external stimuli, it often overrides our sense of selves. well that was me in the past. I like to call them my spidey senses. I try to [...]

The Obama files all over again 🙁 hopefully this is temporary

Well, so far it is the same thing that happened when Obama was elected, the jobs I am bidding are mostly shysters,  I got one bid to paint a house, which ended up being a complete scam, they even sent a fraudulent down payment, another from a hillbilly who was trying to repair his patio, it was built wrong, and he wanted me to build it wrong again, "he could do it himself, but he wanted to have fun on the lakes" yea right, I told him, his design was flawed and I was not interested.  the list goes on and on. yesterday I get a call about some site work, they had no plan, he had some big ideas, told me I needed a d6, which is a heavy duty machine, blah blah blah. I agreed to see it, the address he  sent was [...]

My Anguish, my life, not to be liked, perhaps understood? perhaps self understanding, finding NEMO

What makes me tick?  I wonder at times, well I know it is me ticker, but more than that, what drives me forward. Self Awareness can be a long journey, I mean looking back at times in  my life, what was driving me?  from an early age, the only real driver was self preservation, that was done by muting my feelings, the feelings around me with former favorite concoction Booze. I am not sure I could have survived without it. looking back it was my friend. Everytime I took that first drink, the world looked rosey, I was suddenly optimistic about life, even though I had no Idea, how the night would end. That one moment, I was normal. I loved going on drinking binges, after choking down that first drink in the morning after drinking all night, I was again normal and ready to [...]

friends, what are they, here are mine…

The first friend that I can ever remember was Steve Benson, we lived in Hawthorne California, we lived in a small bungalow type house, they lived in the same homes, I think, not sure maybe ask me mom. He has passed a few years ago, heart attack, before I ever got to see him, he lived on the west side of phoenix, I went to his funeral, it was sad, his brother and parents were already dead. I could have reached out better, in the old days, I would reach out to people, happy go lucky I was, my trust of humans has been forever lost. I could have brought him to meet my dad again, his dad and mine were drinking buds, I think. Steve Benson, he remembered coming out to Castaic lake, he called it bee lake, there is and was lots of [...]

Church a sanctuary a place of JOY

Joy to the World.  I am not sure if the last post had made the impression that I am anti-church or religion, to the contrary, there is something great about singing the praises of and celebrating faith, so much power in music.  The positive energy created when a group can sing and dance and worship, that is Awesome, maybe a few words, the fewer the better, Children and Dogs learn by positive affirmations, when you put self doubt in peoples minds, you create confusion.  Some people are born the way they are, or molded that way, to try and break the mold in an hour service is, well far fetched. The power of having God on your side, that one simple thought, can bring relief and joy.  God accepts everyone, not just the church people. Going to church or studing the verse or whatever does [...]

Happy Easter today, or happy easter bunny day

Easter, I remember growing up and looking forward to easter, my mom would make Easter bread, we would have a special dinner, and when we were young we would get Easter baskets, and when my parents were still married we went to church. Easter, what is it?   is it bunny day, or it it the celebration of the rise of jesus ascending to heaven after being crucified? Admittingly, I am a minimalist Christian, and have been accused of being somewhat of a pagan, by other church going "christians" I have no answer for why we are here, not one, of my own accord, but I believe with all my heart that there is a God, that we are not just some primordial ooze, that popped out of the mud, nope not buying the whole thing, maybe I am just an optimist, but I do believe. [...]

maybe cancel the new york times,

we had switched from the local repetitive rag to the more proven New York times, the problem, our  delivered paper is thrown under the car, on purpose. the same monkey that deliverd our other paper, thinks it is cute to throw the paper under the cars. but it is pesky, I try to say at least i'm staying limber 🙂 and really how can you blame him, he does a child's job, and poorly,  just pesky, just thought of that since am going out to get it, have a great day happy easter bunny day. tomorrow or he has risen day, whatever floats your boat

Manufactured Rasizm, is alive and well

I have no idea what they are thinking. none zilch So there is the Dr hymen, he wrote a book the Pegan diet, it is actually decent, but it tries to copy shit hat is not good for you, you will never copy a real pancake forget it. learn to eat different. But that is not my rant. My rant is they had this black lady on about the racist food system, this is clear manufactured race h8t, perpetrated by others, Sure maybe they have some issues, but the whole problem has nothing to do with race, THIS IS GREED GREED GREED, any people who run around saying the "whites are racist" are delusional, stupid to the core. YOU are being mislead, everybody is being mislead. The whole food system is flawed, it is based on profit, nothing else,  this is not race based, that [...]

got my shot, not at the title, but in the ARm J&J one shot deal

Ok, I got vaccinated, had been worried since this whole virus thingy came out,  Since the Cancer I do not know what my body is up to. I  tend to keep  away from people and do not like being that close to strangers as a general rule. I have given a few hugs, not to strangers. everyone has their personal space, mine is bigger than most, i like to keep at least sucker punch distance, LOL It is true, mater of fact, have not been sucker punched much over the years, because of that rule,  a couple of times in crowded bars, but  being drunk, my personal space was not working no, I was never the chest bumping idiots you see, or argueing at close range, dumb idea.  So I got the shot and I will be protected in 28 days. but need to get [...]

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