Man o Man, am I getting fat, a fat cat.  I do not know what has happened. I just don’t seem to care anymore, not as dreary as you may think. it just all my worry, all my hopes, seem to mean nothing. I have to tell myself how lucky I am, or do I?  why do I have to compare? be aware compare. an epiphany, all of my psychosis is externally created. well psychosis is a strong word, like my black coffee. dark misinterpretation of my own situation. I have become like stale bread. My only surrender is to myself, yes me myself and eye. LOL :) i smile because you read this anyway. I have to tell you one and only plan. to get a boat. I wish to have a boat, not here in the deserted desert, but in my land of Alaska the great frontier. I know danger awaits me. I look death and danger in the eye. I am already dead.

I keep getting signals from facebook instagram, warnings? am I losing my mind, or gaining my sanity? I saw a clip of tony robbins saying the next 5 years will determine the rest of you life. Is that true, I think he was selling something, but was this a divine message to ME?  ;) I am but a lone soul. was it a message to me, when talking with a slum lord about work, a giant vulture hovered above… NO I say, I am biased, yet I heed the warnings this is my internal mechanism grabbing out of the air, which I believe to be true. perhaps it is a divine interventions, I am surely amused at my own minds eye. it is funny how I am not working out,, but I feel strong physically and mentally. my burdens light. I don’t know if I am making the right decisions. I can only ask the good lord, he is my guidance, as the signs only warn, they do not tell.  I watch joe rogan on you tube and wonder what is he? what mindset thinks that you need to be muscle and perfection?  it is hard to pity such a specimen. perhaps I am jelly? perhaps. he has this car a nissan 100k car, I want to drive one of those, would having one of those make me happy? hahahah I laught cuz i know none of that will make me happy, I know in my heart, wanting less is a start, helping others is the key, how to get from point A to B, it seems people already know, but refuse to accept. ok I’m confusing my self.   blah blah blah 3 blind mice, see how they run.

hey I have to take the dogs on their daily excursion on my roller blades. I shall return says  douglas MacArthur

my mind is made up of songs and quotes. don’t rock the boat. l

furthermore it is the judgment of this court— “I now sentence you . to be hanged by the neck until you are dead”

rooted in like a prize pig. that is us in this house. I have a little story to tell. not about a man named jed. This story concerns all of us. have you ever heard the saying, we hate in other people that is within ourselves? We have lived in this house, town for over 20 years now, the longest anywhere and it never bothered me we were in the heart of a retirement community or even the reference to meth labs and white supremist Nation. Who has time for all that shit when your trying to raise a family and keep a roof over your head? hey hey I got something to say

So as I was saying about Nature, I was watching these birds and other creatures, THE SIGNS. my interpretation of what I see.  yesterday when I was taking the dogs on rollerblade trip, I was this raven eating something,  he was munching away, then I saw the feathers. So then later after writing about how I see signs and interpret them how ever I am feeling or whatever I sed. ;) duh uuuu  well I got done wrting and I heard this raven just yelling loud outside our house. it was really making a stink, so I went outside and he was up on the street light. So I was talking at him, dont be killing any birds around my house. he then started this guttural sound, never heard them mutter like this, anyway I thought, I need a video of this, I went inside, but as he had appeared, he also disappeared. Am I going quackers? hahahah no its just Nature doing its thing. so me and my daughter were talking about this topic, and she is saying how some people believe in how we come back as other creatures, I had thought of this whole reincarnation thing long ago, and came to the conclusion of, if you don’t remember being a monkey, then how is it relevant.  OK let me go out on a limb here. I have wild fantasies, not like your thinking, come out of the gutter mam!  no so I think god is watching us, and perhaps people have passed on to the afterlife do come and are aware of their predicament. I actually vacillate between two thoughts that they are here to see us again, maybe as a fly or even as one of our pets, how can those dogs love us so much? just a thought. or god is watching us thru the eyes of a fly. funny I never really was aware of all the creatures before my mindful life made me aware of nature, o sure I noticed, but not really. I have to be careful or they will take away my christian card.

So on other fronts. I have a few potential jobs a roof, maybe lots of sweat and gears, but easy money if you know what your doing. I am pretty good. good price for them about half of the big operators. and maybe some plans, but they are sketchy at best. I think they are more like me, do it yourselfers. so how am i supposed to make money if you do all the labor? not a good idea. I could tell him how, but for free? not unless related, or at least friends for no reason other than friends. it reminds me of a little league team i was coaching, this little girl on the team had some affliction and they had me build some stairs on the back of their deck, I did it free, thinking somehow I would get paid in barter, NOPE nothing it was ok, but they were well off, way bigger house than me, or the time My cousin invested in a house 2 hours from us and wanted me to work on it. It was  a dumpy house and town. I think it soured them on me. I could have been better. o well. I am of the mindset either do it for free or full price. now I am more able to do free work, no kids to feed, just dogs and they eat dog food, lol. and plenty of leftover beef, chicken and pork.

So here I sit. O  have to go, it still hot  out

Me o my my. So I mean no disrespect or h8t when I don’t like living amongst older humans, I see lots of them in there 90’s still trecking, but now that I am of the silver grey age, I feel like I want to live amongst the free world. I do like the old people, just not ready to be one of them, my customer called me a grizzled old guy wtf I kn0w the story… well not sure about the whold scene anyway I have some plans do draft.

p[ol